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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So yesterday my 18 mo dd was at daycare. Dh picked her up and forgot to bring her "ellie" home (it's a stuffed blue elephant). She has been attached to ellie since she was an infant. she hugs the trunk, rubs it on her nose, and sucks her thumb.<br><br>
It was too late to go back and pick it up, and I have no way to get in touch with anyone this weekend.<br><br>
anyway, bedtime came around and she was asking for ellie. then crying for ellie. it completely escalated until she was completely hysterical. It was traumatic for all of us. She finally fell asleep in dh's arms (I physically couldn't hold her anymore!). She woke up again around 11:30 and was hysterical until I'd say about 2 am, at which time I think she just crashed. She was deliriously tired. Without ellie, she wouldn't even suck her thumb for comfort. (she is no longer nursing).<br><br>
We have NO way to get ellie until monday morning. Should we give it back? Or just ditch it? I'd love to hear opinions on this issue.<br><br>
I'm assuming tonight will be easier, and tomorrow easier yet, but who knows. She wants nothing to do with any other stuffed animal.
 

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Ohhhhh... poor baby. I've done that before, and it was a VERY rough few nights. I like that my kids have attachment objects, and I've allowed them to keep them with the warning that if they get lost, they're gone, but my kids are older now. Mostly because, I CAN'T get another of them.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mamaroni</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We have NO way to get ellie until monday morning. Should we give it back? Or just ditch it?</div>
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I don't understand...why would you not give it back? What would your daughter gain by not getting Ellie back?
 

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I guess the risk is if it gets lost again she'd have to go through it all again, but if they just forge ahead ellie might be forgotten and they'd never have this problem again. ?<br><br>
But, I think I'd give ellie back and I'd be super duper careful from now on! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

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I wouldn't keep it from her. I<br><br>
Does she need Ellie during the day? If she just needs ellie for nighttime maybe she could leave her at home?<br><br>
If not, write yourself a note on her sign-in/out sheet or pin a note to her diaper bag so you'll see it at pickup time and remember to do an "Ellie check" before you leave every day. And let the daycare provider know how important Ellie is so between the 2 of you hopefully she won't be left behind again. Good luck <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I would definatly give ellie back. I have fond memories of my comfort objects (honey, my doll, and a favorite blanket). My kids haven't had more than a fickle passing experience with comfort objects. One week they'll be super attached to a stuffed animal and the next it will be thrown in the closet. I actually bought something special for each, hoping they'd form an attachment just because I loved my comfort objects so much. But unless you count my boobs or ds 2's thumb, they haven't really been attached to anything <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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For sure let her keep it...I have worked at preschools and been thru this though. Is there anyway you could get an extra "ellie"? that way it wouldnt be a disaster if she forgets to bring it home...
 

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For sure give it back... my ds is just as attached, I looked everywhere for a duplicate, but with no luck, sold out item at Tuesday Morning! I will make sure I have extras of whatever even closely resembles a comfort item for the next one!
 

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I would give Elle back <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Just recently we went through a hellish time. DD lost 'bebbee' a smallish baby boy doll. Even tho she had her 'other dollies' beebee required me to move furniture in order to find him (he was waaay behind the tv).<br><br>
Both kids have a group of lovies (with one being most important) that they need to sleep with and hang out with during the day. But...they stay at home or in the car (occasionally Giggles comes to grandma and grandpa's). That way no one gets left behind.<br><br>
I think with time she will not need Elle so much, but definately try the Elle check thing before you leave daycare. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2"><br><br>
When I was 9 months preggo with DD, DS lost Boogie. The world ended while I hauled my pregnant butt around the house, dropping to the floor in a desperate attempt to find Boogie at bedtime all the while trying to calm a near hysterical toddler. Yeah...fun. DH was no help as he was out of town...but found the thought of me laying on the floor hilarious. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 

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Give her back! My son has an elly (grey stuffed elephant - one of a kind, unfortunately) and he would freak if he lost her. So what we did was made a rule that Elly can't leave the car (preferably not the house, but you know how that goes) and we were lucky enough to find a smaller version of the elephant that we call Baby Elly - he has two - one for the car and one for daycare. That way we don't have to worry about something like you're going through this weekend. Baby elly isn't, of course, as good as Big Elly, but they work in a pinch.<br><br>
Good luck. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>cmb123</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't understand...why would you not give it back? What would your daughter gain by not getting Ellie back?</div>
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I was thinking that maybe it's a negative thing to be that attached to an object, and also so we don't go through this again. Kind of like the pacifier question, let them keep it or not? Ellie pretty much is her pacifier (my older 2 have pacifiers AND objects for bedtime, but we have never lost theirs).<br><br>
to answer the other question, she does not need ellie during the day except for naps. sometimes she wants ellie and can have her, but she hasn't seemed to miss ellie the past few daytimes. she only goes to daycare one day a week and this is the first time dh has done the pick-up, so he didn't know to make sure, and I didn't think of reminding him. and, I'll be getting a weekend number <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
It was just really traumatic and it kind of freaked me out I guess that she was *so* upset. Freakishly upset, yes, that describes it well. I was sad I couldn't console her <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> on the bright side, she's a passionate girl! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br><br>
thanks for all the responses.
 

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Give it back! There's some rule in mainstream society that comfort objects beyond a certain age are bad. Why not let her have it? Ellie comforts her when you are at work. Comfort objects almost become part of the child and if you take that thing away before she's ready to give it up, she'll feel a part of her is missing.<br><br>
My dd is almost 5 and still very attached to a certain blankie. Let me tell you, it's nice for her to have that blankie. When she was in her 2's and 3's she carried it in the car with her because I could not hug her or comfort her during that time. It helped when she transitioned to her own bed. It's been a great comfort when she was sick or needy and I was trying to take care of our new baby. I had my blankie until I was about 10. So what?<br><br>
My dd2 has two blankies (due to reflux and vomiting, one was always in the wash), and she has her binkys. Again, I'm going to let her keep them until she's ready to give them up. The binky's are now restricted to bedtime or car or when we are out and about during naptime and she's tired. She can keep them at night until she's 6 or 7 for all I care. My dd1 still sucks her fingers and her teeth are fine.
 

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Definitely give it back.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
She loves the thing. Why is loving something a negative?<br><br>
Agreeing with the PPs, just be extra careful in the future ...<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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i'd love to see how this looked with a poll <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> yep, give it back!!! dd can't function without her "ganky" (gorgeous tie dyed loveys from little lounging lizards <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love">: ) and has a "big ganky" and a "ittu ganky" the little one comes with us & the big one doesn't leave the house. of course, it's waaaay easier with blankies than an elephant!!! she's so little, i don't know if she'd be able to substitute something special for daycare & keep ellie at home, but it could be an option.<br><br>
poor thing. the "ellie check" is a great idea!!! i can't imagine dd (now 29 months) without her ganky!
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
yep, she gets it back! (only about 24 more hours now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">)<br><br>
Dh put it well last night when we were talking about this:<br><br>
Is her attachment to ellie healthy if she goes completely off the deep end when ellie is lost?
 

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Sheis perfectly healthy! My DD is VERY attached to her "rafferty" - her giraffe. We went to Disneyland last year and left rafferty tangled in the bed blankets by accident. Half way home DD asked where Rafferty was - we had to pull over and search everything and I realized we must have forgotten her. DD was HYSTERICAL!. We turned around and drove 2 hours back to Anaheim to the hotel, where the maid had already done the room and turned rafferty in. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> Had she not...ugh. I guess I would have to say Rafferty wanted to live at Disneyland, which I am SURE DD would have understood. LOL.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Don't worry - she's still a baby. My DD is 3-1/2 and still won't sleep without Rafferty. And I was that way with my stuffed teddy Annie well into my teens...And I am a perfectly healthy independent adult. LOL. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
ETA - for a child, attachement objects are very real to them - my DD talks to Rafferty and Rafferty has her own personality, likes and dislikes. For instance, she dislikes covers! LOL.
 

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I would most definitely give it back if you are able to do so.<br><br>
I think it is completely healthy and normal development to form such attatchments at this age. Many toddlers have such objects- stuffed animal, blanket, whatever- and would freak out if they were lost. It isn't just a thing to them. I read a very interesting article on the place loveys have to toddlers. You and your dh should read it. <a href="http://www.allaboutmoms.com/loveys.htm" target="_blank">http://www.allaboutmoms.com/loveys.htm</a><br><br>
Type "toddlers and security objects" into your favorite search engine and you will see how normal it is for that age.<br><br>
When my dd was 1 year old she got a stuffed bear and a blanket. She carried Bear Bear everywhere for the next 2 years. She dropped it once at the mall and we turned around and searched for it without much hope. Luckily the employees at a store we had been in had found it and we were able to recover it. She loved the blanket she had too. She used it at naps, the car, and bedtime. The blanket got lost when dd was 2 1/2 and we were unable to find it. She was very upset about that. We had some bad nights. She got over it eventually but she has not forgotten it even 3 years later. She still asks about it sometimes when she is upset. Her attachment to Bear Bear has diminished. Now he is relegated to the basement and she doesn't play with him much. She doesn't have the same need to be attached to one toy or blanket now that she is 5 years old. Sometimes she sleeps with a stuffed animal or carries a toy around when we go out but it is nowhere near the attatchment she had as a toddler. She has a blanket she likes but will use another one without fuss if that is in the laundry.
 

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I found another article I'd recommend reading on this subject.<br><a href="http://www.todaysparent.com/toddler/behaviordevelopment/article.jsp?content=20050225_144038_5752&page=2" target="_blank">http://www.todaysparent.com/toddler/...38_5752&page=2</a>
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
thanks for the links, Kim <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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I still have the blanket that I used to be attached to as a child. I think it's normal, natural, and healthy for kids to form these attachments, and I would definitely give Ellie back.<br><br>
My DD has a stuffed dog called Puppy Dog (yeah, real original name, eh?) and her world would collapse if Puppy Dog wasn't with her at bedtime, or in the car, or any other high-stress time in her life. I think it's wonderful-- in fact, I actively encouraged her to become attached to the dog.
 
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