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Coming out of lurkdom...

701 Views 8 Replies 7 Participants Last post by  leurMaman
It's scary, but I'm finally doing it!

I've been lurking since the very beginning so I know you, but you don't know me...kinda creepy, eh?

Anyhow, I am Tracy and I am pregnant for the fourth time. My ds 1 turns five on Sunday and my ds 2 turned 2 2 weeks ago (
). We lost our 3rd baby last October. I was somewhere around 27 weeks pregnant.

We do not use medical assistance unless it is quite needed. We prefer unhindered birth (UP/UC).'s been a strange pregnancy so far. I am guessing that I am somewhere around 17 weeks, based on most the information I have gathered so far. This contradicts the negative hpt I took at the end of Jan. and the negative blood test I took a few days later.
I have a history of false negative hpts, but not false negative blood tests (not that I've gotten blood tested before).
My fundus and the increasing frequency and intensity of movement are part of the strong evidence for the around-17-weeks guess.

We have not chosen to go for further testing/ultrasound. This is hard for some people, who know all of my circumstances, to accept. I have had no desire for u/s for several reasons, one of which is that I have no desire for a repeat performance of the last u/s I had in October last year. I have figured we will know one way or another at some point, such as when I started feeling movement or, yk, when I give birth, or whatever. I *do* understand that it is hard for others in our life, however, they have not walked in my shoes. I am feeling more confident now that I am having movement daily and it has started getting stronger. Though, there is that old saying that the only sure way to know you are pregnant is when a baby emerges from your body!

We have not come out to many people irl. Most know that we suspected pregnancy and had a negative blood test. But we have left it at that with most everyone (in other words, we have not acknowledged that, at this point, we firmly believe me to be pregnant). My poor MIL can barely stand it when we come over to dinner and I am wearing maternity clothes.
She wants sooo badly to ask.

So...pretty weird, huh? You can see why it has taken me so long to join in.

We haven't told our boys yet. I am sure we would have been hesitant about that even if there were no confusing issues associated with this pregnancy. They took the loss of our baby very hard. It is actually rather amazing that ds 1 hasn't noticed yet. I secretly wonder if he knows but hasn't allowed himself to "know" yet.

Okay, not feeling exposed now or anything...

But also glad to be joining you. Maybe it's okay to start getting excited?
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WOw Tracy,
Thanks for allowing us to get to know you
I am sorry to hear of the loss you had in October. I haven't lost a baby that far along but have had 5 miscarriages. That said.... CONGRATS on your pregnancy. Here's to a happy and healthy 6 months.
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Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!! I'm LMAO at the MIL thing, I bet she's going crazy wanting to ask.
Oh Tracy...I'm so glad you decided to post! I want to extend my deepest sympathies for the loss you suffered in October
. I can understand why you would want to keep this pregnancy to yourself for now. It's protective. Especially when those around you seem to want to control certain aspects of very personal decisions, like no testing. I wish you the very best and I look forward to getting to know you!
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Thank you for sharing, especially since it seems so hard for you!
I'm sure it will be wonderful to have you as part of the October DDC. I totally lurked in MDC for a long time before I started actively posting... I think it's kinda the same thing... wanting to feel comfy before jumping in.

CONGRATULATIONS on the new baby!! I hope all goes well with this little one!!!!
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You posted a link to your story on my thread.
I am sorry for your loss. I admire your faith and courage.

Except for your loss we are a lot alike. I had four false negative HPTs
and I couldn't bring myself to face a negative blood test.
Some people were kind, some were a pain. I decided to wait.
I lost a lot when I had my first negative.
During the whole two weeks after I conceaved. I knew!
Then the tests hurt so much. I really lost touch with my senses.

My husband and I shared some deeply spiritual expearences,
and MDC got me through. MDC also helped me find a great midwife.
She was there during rough times and I trust her compleatly.
I have refused doppler and ultrasounds too.
So you can see in many ways you and I are kindereds.
I'm so glad you came out of lurkdom!
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Originally Posted by Sea_Gal
I lost a lot when I had my first negative.
During the whole two weeks after I conceaved. I knew!
Then the tests hurt so much.
I know so much what you mean. When I was pg with my ds 2 I was charting. It was only my third post partum cycle after ds 1 was born, and the first two cycles had short luteal phases. I started to bleed 11 dpo and was so devistated because I KNEW I was pg. I just knew it.

A good thing, too, because I didn't get a BFP with that pregnancy until I was in the full throes of hyperemesis at 11 weeks. Even my temps, which had dropped to coverline the three days I had light bleeding and then gone back up, plunged way below coverline at 21 dpo...21 days of high temps are supposed to be a *definitive* positive sign of pregnancy and I only had 20! On day 22, when my temp was still in the basement I put away the thermometer.

I am glad you found a good midwife and are on the other side of all the nasty tests. Really, it seems so hard for other people to understand why you don't want to keep testing and testing until you get that line. Even my dh will sometimes still say...hey! wanna take a test? And then I remind him of what it's like.

Are you starting to let yourself start to get excited?

Is this your first?

Anyway, how funny to share this ddc with you! What are the odds of there being two of us?
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I am excited!
Kai is our first. (I'm still trying to say our and not my)

I have such hopes for him. Nothing to high mind you.
It's just that I would like him to be free and kind.
Oh and happy.
I lived my childhood in a sad and scary world.
I hope for his world to be a better one.

Also just so you know, we're not that uncommon.
Perhaps in this due date club, we are.
But I know a number of woman, with multiple children I might add,
who don't show up on HPTs.
Most people base their faith in the acuracy of HPTs
from the information on outside of the HPTs boxes.
Hmm that's going to be unbiased and reliable.
It's the not the manufactures have a stake in
exagerating their product's effectiveness.

Peoples blind faith in them sure makes it harder though doesn't it.
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Welcome - I know it must be hard after a M/C. Hope everything is going well for you this time.
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