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Coming unglued...

426 Views 4 Replies 4 Participants Last post by  pacifica
with my 2 year old ds. He is normally very easy going, passive, mild manered and sweet. I am always so proud of him. This past week though he has been freaking out all the time. He screams when he doesn't get exactly his way. For example, he wanted to nurse while we were laying on the bed. I told him ok and to just come lie right here (parallel to me, I was on my side). So he laid perpendicular to me up by my head. I said, that I needed him to lie right here. Well the screaming began and went on and on and on. I just laid there dumbfounded and didn't know what to do. I just kept explaining to him that he needed to come here. There have been other instances where he is lying on his bed and I come in and he tells me "leave Mama! Leave Mama" and starts kicking his legs wildly at me. He kicks me and today he slapped me. I have been trying very hard to not holler at him. I tell him "you do NOT kick Mama" etc. in a stern voice and then I leave the room. Today when he slapped me I lost it. I hollered at him and threw his monitor and slammed his door. I had to go cry in the bath room. He didn't seem to care that I go mad at him. He just layed in there talking to himself and happily making farm animal noises. I just don't understand the sudden change in his attitude towards me and I don't what to do.

I know I am taking this very personally but it's hard not to! I spend all day and all night taking care of him, and he treats me like crap now! He never does this for dh. Dh is all fun and happy games. I feel like a monster.

I'm so cloudy that I'm not sure I'm seeing things right though. I'm almost 10 weeks pregnant and he is still nursing, which is fine with me. I intended to start nightweaning him in about June or so. If he weans totally that's fine. I would also be ok with tandem as well...or so I think. His night waking is getting on my nerves like never before. It hurts, and I'm extra tired. He doesn't want to let go in the early morning and I get to where I've just had enough. He crys and screams. I just can't do it. I feel like a terrible mother right now.

There are so many different issues here. I'm not quite sure why I posted on the GD forum. I guess I just need some ways to cope with his freak outs.

Please don't flame me or anything. I'm not real good at GD and I'm not sure I understand or agree with it all. All I know is that I don't hit and I would like to be able to work things through with my children in a calm, compassionate manner. I want to understand and act accordingly. I'm not opposed to firm language and tone. I just want to know what I can do before I loose it and throw something again....

Sorry this was so long...
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I totally feel your pain.. on all accounts. Being touched out, being frustrated, offended, hurt, sad etc... We are weaned but the reason I lead the weanning was due to the feelings and resentment I was starting to get towards him because of the nursing. I HATED night nursing, made my skin crawl and I hated how demanding he was. He was the boss and in charge and it got old. So I weaned him, quickly. Which I am sure isnt very popular with some people but it was the best for us in the long run. Now as far as behaviors go. Isaiah has started these same fits. Hitting, slapping,and just being mean. Although he has his moments of sweetness and amazing feets in the same day he upsets me so much with his mean streak. Here is a link I found and have been checking out and reading the last couple of days it might help. I hope it helps us. Good Luck and Hugs!
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I know how hard it is. I've felt awful a lot lately too. We are in a phase where I can't get anything done and if I do, my ds undoes it right behind me. Ugh. I keep praying for patience and sometimes I have it, sometimes not. I have yelled to much lately. But, I also know that no one is perfect. It is not possible to be a perfect parent, so I don't try for that. I just try to do better every day. I try to be more patient, to not yell and to play more with my ds and read more to him. I find that when I make a good effort to read and play more with him, his behavior gets better.

But, even with that, he is in a big testing limits phase now. I know this is normal and natural and I am pretty good about not taking it personally this time. With my first, I sure did, all the time and felt bad all the time too. I think because this is the second time around, I am a little more laid back about it. So, try not to take it personally. Trust me, they DO grow out of it.

I finally weaned my little guy. I had to. Nursing was not enjoyable for me anymore. It was making me stressed out. Bedtime was horrific because he played, bit, pinched and got on and off the bed 1 million times before he would finally settle down. Now that I weaned him, it is taking abut 15-20 minutes for him to fall asleep and he seems to enjoy the new bedtime routine better. I know I do. Of course, with this came night weaning too, which went surprisingly well. He woke up two nights in a row at his usual times. Truthfully, I wasn't even fully aware of how much he woke up to nurse, but it was at least 3-4 times a night. So, with weaning, I rubbed his back and he went to sleep quickly each time. By the third night, he wasn't waking up anymore and it has been HEAVEN. For the first time in just about two years, he has finally, truly slept through the night and has done it every night since. I feel so well rested.

You are probably better at GD than you think. I know I don't agree with it all either. I do talk in a firm voice and I do use time outs when I need to (rarely), but I think it is about having a general respect for your kids as human beings and treating them that way. I am not permissive, nor will I ever be and I, personally don't think GD means that.

Good luck!
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Thanks for your replies. They really made me feel much better. Good point that there is no perfect parent!
About 4:30am things got ugly again though. I had enough nursing and I tried to cuddle ds but he immediatley freaked out. Screaming and kicking. This time dh stepped in and traded places in bed with me after ds made contact and hit me. Ugh it was horrible. He cried "mama, come!" over and over. I thought I was going to die.
But when I tried to go to him, he kicked me and punched me.
So, I have been reading "How Weaning Happens" and I think I discovered that I may not be paying enough attention to him. Just like Twocoolboys said, his behaviour may improve that way. I am still nursing him but I may be trying to avoid it more than I think I am, therefore hurting his feelings.

Oh thanks so much for responding!
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I have this same problem with my 2 1/2 year old twin boys! I want to feel good about how I parent and I try to keep my cool, but I literally run around in circles all day long! It's exhausting! I'm also still night nursing, but mostly feel ok about that. Some nights are bad. My boys are both getting 2nd molars, so I think that's causing more night nursing. I want my children to be happy and I want to provide a good model for them to handle frustration, anger, etc. It always helps when I read a good parenting book, so any suggestions for "keeping your cool" with these toddler behaviors?
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