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755 Views 13 Replies 12 Participants Last post by  Jyotsna
I think I have read more than once, that in relationships, women prize companionship well above sex which puts them in a different place from the guys ...

Well, it is what I miss the most as a single mom and missed the most as an allegedly married woman.

What got me thinking about this is tomorrow night I will assemble the Easter baskets. There are so many rituals around the holidays -- at Xmas it is wrapping the presents and stuffing the stockings; eating Santa's cookies and drinking the milk; packing for a trip; folding the laundry; assembling the Easter baskets ...

I always asked for his company in these rituals and chores and almost always was rebuffed ("I gotta go to bed; I am tired; why can't you just do it; why do you need me?" etc). If he did stick around it was grudgingly.

So, for that and many other reasons I didn't really ever have a marriage -- ever. He wasn't capable or willing to participate; to be with me. The only time he stuck around was to watch t.v. if he was interested in the show. He would get up from the dinner table the minute he was done regardless of whether the rest of us were done ...

But, now, there's no fooling myself. I do it all solo. It is lonely. Duh. I just want a companion who cares -- doesn't even need to be a husband -- just someone to be with, to share ...

Ok, pout over (not even a vent).

At least I will be with the kids for Easter. Dad will come for dinner along with other company. Today we dyed eggs; tomorrow we make the bunny cake and somewhere in there I keep working on grad school, plan my week's lessons for school and clean the house :))).

Happy Easter to those who celebrate!

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I have to say that I miss the "best friend" part of my stbx much more than anything else. We always did have a blast around the holidays. So yes, the companionship part I miss much more than anything else.

That said, there's something to be said for the low-key holiday. We did Christmas REALLY low-key this year, and I really enjoyed it. Easter is looking to be the same, partly because of money being tight, and partly because I have no patience for a ton of extra 'stuff' around anymore...and that's perfectly fine with me.
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Doesn't bother me....I did it all on my own with ex so nothing has changed...
you know as my dd grows up things are really changing around here. dd and i have always spent easter together but this year she wants to spend easter with her dad. so i will be busy at our fellowship helping with the easter luncheon by myself this time and catching up on homework i should have done this spring break but didnt.

have fun mamas.

i remember 3 was our year of rain and we went out in the backyard with rainboots, umbrellas and raingear on. that was the year we started the tradition of painting our easter eggs. dd hated colouring eggs. so after that easter for years our eggs (raw) have always been painted with non toxic paint. lately she has lost interest in painting them anymore. making breakfast always made me smile as i cracked painted eggs and i remembered how much she esp. enjoyed easter at 3 years old.
meandmine~i could have written this post myself! i soooo know how it feels. i would ask stbx to join me in doing all those same things and he would give me the same responses..


Originally Posted by meandmine View Post

I just want a companion who cares -- doesn't even need to be a husband -- just someone to be with, to share ...

i feel exactly this way too, it'll happen when it's right!
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I get kind of wistful trying to even imagine having companionship to share all the fun stuff and milestones with. I am one of those who also never had it while married. My stbx was the same way - sit in front of the TV while I wrap the presents, plan holiday meals, decorate for the birthday party, etc.

My ds is still very young, but for his 1st birthday we invited a MILLION (more like 40 or so) people (mostly stbx's family members), and I was up til 2am the night before, baking the cake, assembling games/goody bags, decorating the house...he literally sat on the couch dozing in front of CSI while I was running around like a madwoman. Of course every two hours or so, ds would wake to nurse, so I would have to stop, go settle him/nurse him, then regroup and continue the present wrapping, food prep, oh God. At one point he started to snore (stbx) - I thought I was going to kill him. I finally handed him a handful of balloons and told him, "If you're going to sit there and be lazy, at least make yourself useful and blow these up". He did 3 of them, then nodded back off
:. Anyway, I know exactly what you mean. It would be (would've been) so nice to have someone get excited with, and have fun doing all the fun silly things with and FOR the kids.

I used to get SO jealous listening to my happily married friends talk about how they worked as a team/family to create the magical memories for their kids. I'm in a place now where I'm glad I can provide that for my son on my own.

~And the 1st birthday party? Went over fabulously. Here's a pic or two (I'm just bragging now

BTW, I had the funnest time tonight assembling the easter basket and hiding a few eggs for him to find. Like, WAY more fun than I had when I was married. I guess because I know its all me, and I dont really have to care anymore about pleasing stbx, just ds
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I think that is the cutest cake I've ever seen. How on earth did you make it? I don't think I'll be able to convince my son he wants a bee cake for his 11th birthday, but it's worth trying.
Thanks for the "me too's"

We got through it lots better than I could have hoped. The girls had a great Easter.

Dad was around for most of Sat. (that's his day) since his plans with the girls (miniature golfing) got rained out and so did my younger dd's friends' bday party, so he hung out and did a lot with the girls.

He was here for Easter and again, sufficiently helpful and inoffensive and so it was fine.

Our friends who joined us for Easter dinner and an egg hunt made for a happy day. He, of course, never mentioned what a fine job I did (again :)) -- thing is, he just doesn't value any of it because he didn't have any of it as a child. Fortunately, I am growing to care less and less and don't have him editorializing in my head as much.

So, hope for those who celebrate that is was a good and joyous Easter.

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Glad to hear you had a good day!

Manzanita Pixie that cake is soooo cute!! I loved the cookies too! Awesome job!
Oh I hear was a mixed bag in my marriage; we shared so many of the rituals, but holidays were always so charged and guaranteed to lead to disaster at some point. I took charge of this one by planning a weekend away, just me and the kids. It was my way of dealing with the sadness but also letting go of the past and letting something new in.

So we spent easter morning in a youth hostel which amazingly the easter bunny remembered to visit, and having a fantastic time at the aquarium. We drove home in time to have their dad over for dinner, so they got both parents that day.

The whole weekend was great, and made me feel more confident about future holidays, and helped me see how much fun I could have alone with the kids.
well I do miss the never ending conversations with my ex when he was manic, he was so smart and funny. Ahh but then the depression, the moodiness and irritability. such a mixed bag. I did everything on my own all the holiday or ritual family stuff, he didn't cook or clean or do anything but he talked to me and loved weird.
BUT get this-- after a while it was embarrassing to take him to my moms for Easter or any holiday. Everyone had kinda got over tolerating him after he kept screwing up. So this Easter I took an old (met again) friend with and he was a blast and my family loved him. I had a great time.
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i noticed that around holidays i get really down. kind of nostalgic as we are around coupled families and dd and i are usually solo. my parents are far away so we dont spend the holidays. easter was such a big deal in my family. and i just dont know how to give that to dd.
as for me, i really miss the companionship. even though ex wasn't much around, at lesat i had someone to talk to, to cuddle with at night, to have some sort of conversation. i am not sure if i want marriage, i just want a partner to share life with...
Well, I am another poster who feels EXACTLY the same way!!!
I find myself trying to hold my 7 month old son with one hand and snap a photo with the other hand as he stands up for the first time. During the day you stay busy but it is definitely around holidays, child milestones and late at night when the loneliness sets in. but, I still know that it is soooo much better than life was with my stbxh ( he should meet yours, they sound so similar
: ) In the end, the most important thing is your children and your parenting. Somedays I have thought that it might be nice to move somewhere where there is more of a group living situation just so you have the companionship and there is at least someone else in the same space as you in the middle of the night. My son and I live in a very rural area alone, which I normally am very content with, but that changed when STBXH started sneaking onto the property and trying to get into my house. It is just a bit nerve wracking and I definitely wish there was another body around to chat with and have here at the end of the day.
Oh yea, not to complain, but isn't it difficult to hear and watch married couples plan and execute their holiday events? I mean, I am happy for them and everything but whenever one of my married friends starts to complain about something being hard I want to ask them to be thankful that there ARE TWO of them doing it together.
maybe you should get a dog, I know I enjoy having my 80lb mutt around immensely. (she's not much for easter egg painting either though)

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Growing up, our family made holidays something really special. We trimmed the tree together, made special foods, invited friends and relatives over. When I got married with ex, I really believed that all families did that. I'll never forget the first Christmas (yes, even Hindus can have trees if they want) and I had saved many non-religious ornaments for the tree. I made some hot tea, some banana bread and put on some festive music. I asked him to come and help me decorate. He seemed interested before, but once it was real, it was time to do the effort of decorating, he left and layed down on the bed, and took a nap. At the time, I didn't understand why, but later found out that he didn't believe in celebrating anything. He still doesn't. It bothers the kids alot. They just spent the Easter holiday with him, and while my family and my dd2 and I were spending a wonderful time together for Easter, my ds and dd1 were watching tv the whole time. They never left the house. Their dad told them that he wanted them to see what it was like spending the holiday with him. Now they know.

Anyway, my ex never helped me during the holidays, and even though we had alot of dinner guest and house guest, he never wanted to help me get our house or the food ready, and holidays were even worse, so I have never been spoiled with companionship during those times. However, I still have hope that my future partner will fill that role. That's why I need a partner, to spend time together creating good times and memories.

I hope in the future I am spoiled with companionship...that's what I need most from a man.
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