[Caittune]

My DD is not seemingly able to play independantly when I'm alone with her. She's always been this way and has always demanded my 100% attention on her.

I do try to engage her with play as much as I can, but there are some times when I just need to get things done around the house or just do my own thing for a few moments. I also try to get her to help me when I'm doing things around the house.

If I give her an activity to do, she wants me to do it for her. Heck even the computer games she wants me to do them for her. Yesterday she wanted to watch me kick the ball into her new soccer goal.

How do I foster some independance without it being a battle of wills? If I say I don't want to do something she immediately stops doing that activity and refuses to continue. I try to say ok, I'll do one then it is your turn, but that just turns into her saying YOUR TURN! all the time. If I say no thankyou, she says "yes, thankyou" Or if I say I don't feel like it, she says "you do". I swear if I said the sky was blue she'd argue with me.

As you can probably tell, I'm feeling burned out and more than a bit frustrated. I've resorted to more TV than I would like to get a moment's peace. Even then, she wants me to sit and watch with her.

What can I do?

 

[averlee]

How old is the child? If possible, I suggest packing her in a carrier or hiking pack. I also suggest to sleep with her at night and naps. Independent play emerges slowly, and for some kids, very slowly. Treasure this time when you are the supreme favorite.

 

[Caittune]

She's three. I guess I really should treasure it.

I was brainstorming with my husband and we are going to work on thinking up some activities that she and I can do. I'm going to work on more of a rhythm to our day. More craft time since she and I really like to do that.

Summer will probably be good since I'm planning on a veggie garden.

We are also realising that she is very much a perfectionist and doesn't want to do things "wrong". She's also very sensitive, and I think a little lonely. I wish there were more kids her age around here to play with. We don't have a car, so I'm sorta stuck at home with her most days.

 

[sophiesgrandma]

Maybe you can get a timer and set it for say 10-15 minutes. Tell her you need to do whatever it is you need to do and she will play by herself till the buzzer goes off. If she does'nt want to play she may sit and "read books" or just wait. If she says for you to play with her say ooops, lets check the timer. Only a few more minutes and I will play with you. Let me know when the buzzer goes off.
Then you can play with her for a time and once again set the timer and have her play by herself. As her tolerance grows, you can set the timer for more minutes. Soon there will come a time when she feels more comfortable playing by herself and you won't even need the timer. It's worth a try and it has worked for some children.

 

[Caittune]

Hmm maybe we can try that. She might go for it. She's really interested in "time" right now. She's always asking what number it is. Silly girl.

This afternoon we took an hour to make oatmeal cookies, but really it was because I had her measure the sugar, flour and oatmeal.

I just need to find things that are interesting for both of us. THough I guess I'll have to do some that are not interesting to me too because they are developmentally appropriate.

 

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Caittune I just need to find things that are interesting for both of us. THough I guess I'll have to do some that are not interesting to me too because they are developmentally appropriate.

My DD sounds a lot like yours, and this is the conclusion I came to, as well. Its really hard at times. Sometimes having another child over for a visit allows me to get some work done - and sometimes that backfires, requiring even more of my time. Ah well; the occasional glass of wine helps, too.

 

[Deir]

I think you hit it on the head when you said you were going to work on the rhythm of the day. I have found that to be key. Everyone knows what to expect.

 

[vocalise]

When my ds was that age, I would start one of "my" activites by getting him to help me, but also made sure he had his own toys nearby. Then when he tired of helping, if he asked me to do something with him, I'd say, 'after I'm finished. For now you can, _____________ (play with your playdough, jump on your mini tramp, etc.)" It worked pretty well for him, and while he never lasted too long at that age, it developed into him being able to play on his own.

Heck, now he will play in his room for literally three and four hour stretches at a time. I have the opposite problem in terms of getting him to come out of his hole and interact!

So, yes, try to enjoy being the centre of your LO's world while you can, though I understand your dilemma!

 

[PoetryMom]

My DD (now 5) was also like that at around that age and younger. I decided, out of necessity, that instead of doing everything with her, she would just do everything with me. So when I payed bills, I asked her to pay bills with me, and she would bring her own pens, pencils and paper to the table and we would work together. When it was time to make dinner, I pulled up a chair to the kitchen island, and I gave her beans to pour ourt from one container to another while I cooked. Eventually (and still now) she was able to actually help with meal preps. When it was time to fold laundry, I gave her t-shirts to fold. You get the idea.

As she got older and after DD2 was born, she outgrew this need. Now I have to call her over to help me cook, and she only stays for about 15 minutes. Oh well, how quickly they do grow.

:

 

[averlee]

I decided, out of necessity, that instead of doing everything with her, she would just do everything with me. So when I payed bills, I asked her to pay bills with me, and she would bring her own pens, pencils and paper to the table and we would work together. When it was time to make dinner, I pulled up a chair to the kitchen island, and I gave her beans to pour ourt from one container to another while I cooked. Eventually (and still now) she was able to actually help with meal preps. When it was time to fold laundry, I gave her t-shirts to fold. You get the idea.

I think this is a good approach. She just wants to be with you. Three is not just a big girl all the time, but still a baby too. When my daughter gets clingy, it helps to really baby her- hold her in my lap, put her in the patapum, lay down with her at naps. She's just trying to show that she needs me.

l am so glad you love your daughter so much. She obviously thinks the world of you. My daughter wants to go to the bathroom with me, wants me to hold her while l vacuum or cook, and basically won't leave me alone. lt drives me nuts, but soon enough l will be the one driving her nuts and crowding her!

 

[Caittune]

Thank you all for your input. It is nice to just talk about it too. I'm going to look at more play time with her. I like the idea of involving her more too. We were out gardening today and she had fun looking at worms, and digging in the dirt.

It is nice to get the perspective that it is because she loves me.

: Of course she isn't just trying to be annoying. Hehe.