[lalaland42]

I am still so mad I could scream. Today DD (16 mos) and I went to the mall to watch the ducks and turtles swim around in the pond. Next to the pond there is a pillar that slightly flares out at the bottom. An older boy, around 8-ish discovered he could run up the ramp and slide down, which DD thought was the best idea ever, so after the boy left she toddled over there and "climbed" the pillar to slide down. She could only slide about a half a foot so it looked pretty safe and I was standing right there so what could happen, right?

Well, a boy around 3-4 y.o. ran up and wanted to slide too. Since the pillar is pretty wide, there was plenty of room for the two of them with me standing in between. The dad was sitting on a bench nearby and the mom was sitting on the other side of the bench with her back to the kid writing notes or something stupid. The dad also had an inert infant in a stroller/carseat getup that he was watching. Before I knew it, the 3-4 y.o. ran on the other side of me and was trying to run up the pillar with my DD's hand underneath his shoes. I grabbed DD as she started to scream and went over to the bench to calm/nurse her. Half of her hand was bright red and a bit swollen.

The dad never looked up to see what was happening.

After I calmed DD, I walked her over to the dad and told him that his son hurt my daughter. He was surprised to find this out even though he was 5 feet from us and my daughter's screams could be heard a mile away. I was soooo mad, I wanted to hit him (the dad). Really. So I took DD and walked away.

DD's hand looked completely normal after about 10 minutes and she is fine.

I don't think I handled this situation in the best way. Is there something I could do differently next time without hitting someone (no matter how satisfying that would be)? WWYD? Oh, and I am basing 3-4 y.o. behavior off my nephew who is very gentle and considerate. If I am off base about expecting the kid to at least *notice* that he hurt someone, please let me know.

Oh, and I hope the parents choke on their new Coach luggage.

 

[Threefold]

I'm sorry your dd was hurt.

I'd say it is pretty normal for a 3-4 yo to not notice if they have hurt someone accidentally, especially if s/he is caught up in play.
I do think the parents should have been keeping a close enough eye on him to notice that your dd had been hurt, stop the play, and gently guide their son over to check in with her to make sure all was well. At least, that's my MO.
My ds is 5 1/2 and is just now really understanding that all play must stop, temporarily at least, when someone is hurt, to check in and offer help to the injured party. He still doesn't automatically do it if he is really caught up in what he is doing, but he does it often now without prompting, but not at 3-4.

I probably would have let the whole thing slide, as long as my dd wasn't really hurt, though I probably would have said something to the boy at the moment, like, "Hey, be careful! You're stepping on her! Do you hear her crying?" but if the parents didn't clue in then, I'd just have left if the incident was accidental. Had he hurt her intentionally, I would approach the parents and let them know what happened as calmly as I could.

 

[ABMama]

What about confronting the child? Im not sure but if it was my DS that got hurt I would tell the 3yr old, "Hey watch what you are doing, you hurt him." and if the 3yr old goes crying to his parents that opens a dialouge for you.
On the other hand, if my DS was the one who stepped on your DD I would want to know, so I could tell him to be more careful.
I think you just have to play it by ear, some parents want the critizism some definately do not. So if you do confront other parents just be prepared for some nasty people sometimes.

 

[hawkfeather]

aww I am sorry your dd was hurt.. especially when she was having fun!

I can not say I really think the parent's or the child did much wrong though, 3-4 yr olds are still very young and are not the best at considering thier actions.. I could eaisly give the parents the benefit of the doubt and think they just assumed your babe was hurt unrelated to their child? it sounds like a typical 3-4 yr old behaviour so i am not sure what they could have done anyways?

I thin kit is really helpful to show kids who are 3-4 that they aren't being careful with gentle reminders, and seeing they hurt someone usually has a big affect, even just saying "you hurt her hand" or showing them her hand. Speakign to a child with the parent's rigth there is nice because it gives them an option to educate theri own child as well.

 

[Amylcd]

I'm sorry your DD was hurt, but I agree with the poster above... the 3 year old did nothing wrong. It was an accident. Even if the parents were watching him... what would you expect them to do?

 

[wende]

I'd personally be ticked if someone told my 3yo to "watch it". My 16mo gets trampled on a daily basis by my 3yo. It's normal behavior for kids that age not to notice or have the capacity to realize that they've done something wrong. I do agree that the parents should have been watching, but it could have just as easilly happened with the parents on top of him.

 

[lalaland42]

Thanks, I will try and relax a little.

The reason I didn't confront the kid right away was because I took a look at DD's hand and I thought something might be broken. She wasn't letting me look or touch (unusual for her) and exactly half of it was bright red with hash marks from the kid's shoe. Then by the time I got her calmed down enough to look and decide that probably nothing was broken, I was mad that neither parent even looked up to see what the screaming was about.

Its true that accidents happen and that little kids are sometimes rough with eachother, but this kid was using her hand to get traction up the wall, DD was screaming bloody murder and the parents did not notice. Not that I expected them to stop it from happening but I guess I believe(d) that if they were a little more conscientious that the kid would learn faster. Besides, it is scary when you are sitting there thinking, OMG what if the baby's hand is broken.

I guess I need to put the baby in bubble wrap now.

 

[Panthira]

Awww you are truly a mama bear. I think your anger was appropriate for mom feeling protective of her child. I've had things like that happen to my kids and I got mad at the parents and even the kids, though I knew the kids didn't know better. I think you handled the situation perfectly, and good for you to come on MDC and vent your anger rather than let it sit there for another day.

 

[lalaland42]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Panthira Awww you are truly a mama bear. I think your anger was appropriate for mom feeling protective of her child. I've had things like that happen to my kids and I got mad at the parents and even the kids, though I knew the kids didn't know better. I think you handled the situation perfectly, and good for you to come on MDC and vent your anger rather than let it sit there for another day.

Thanks.

I just wanted to add that I don't really expect DD will never get hurt. She was tackled the other day by a 2 year old over a soccer ball. I didn't get mad because I knew it was not age appropriate to expect the 2 year old to do too much better, DD wasn't seriously hurt and the mom stepped in to help me separate them. I appreciate the input that a 3-4 year old might not notice hurting someone else in play. Now I can adjust expectations accordingly.

 

[proudmamanow]

I don't know if this will help you lalaland, but I can totally relate...we have neighbours/good friends with a dd 11 months older than ours (our dd is 15 months). She is often rough with dd, sometimes deliberately (knocking her down). They are always responsive, and have been working hard with their dd and she is getting better. But it doesn't take away the rage I feel when I see my dd get hurt, and I've had to work hard on the fact that their dd is just a little kid too and I shouldn't dislike her for what she does w/o knowing it. But it would be harder if they weren't so attentive, I'm sure. ((((((hugs))))))))

 

[BellinghamCrunchie]

Honestly, I think our DD, at 18 mths, is too young to play at those mall things unless I am right next to her to protect her. The other kids are just too big and full of energy and she doesn't have the skills to get out of the way.

I don't have an older child, but I imagine parents of older children must get pretty frustrated when their children, who are playing with normal rambunctiousness in a place that was designed for them, must suddenly stop their play to accomodate a small child who really doesn't fit in with their style of play. I imagine the parents brought their children to the play area so they could have a moment's peace to themselves in a place where their children shouldn't require intense observation.

 

[lalaland42]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BellinghamCrunchie Honestly, I think our DD, at 18 mths, is too young to play at those mall things unless I am right next to her to protect her. The other kids are just too big and full of energy and she doesn't have the skills to get out of the way. I don't have an older child, but I imagine parents of older children must get pretty frustrated when their children, who are playing with normal rambunctiousness in a place that was designed for them, must suddenly stop their play to accomodate a small child who really doesn't fit in with their style of play. I imagine the parents brought their children to the play area so they could have a moment's peace to themselves in a place where their children shouldn't require intense observation.

I tend to agree about your first point however this was not at a play area. It was some decorative pillar in the mall. In fact, this mall does not seem to have a play area but instead it has derivative art (several smaller versions of the hammering man outside the Seattle Art Museum) and a big planter of cactuses right at toddler level. We had a half an hour to kill so I thought DD could look at the turtles and ducks without her getting hurt on cactuses.

I disagree with your second point for a couple of reasons. First, most kids in the 3-4 range here seem to have siblings (many of them younger) and *all* of the kids play at the play areas. So there are always kids of all ages at the play areas. Second, the play areas here are for kids of differing developmental levels. There is one play area that really isn't appropriate for 3-4 year olds but it is great for crawlers and beginning toddlers. There are some play areas that I absolutely would not take dd to until she is way older. As you can probably tell, I hate sun and heat so we stay indoors a lot.