My son is 11 months old. I have felt like the "baby blues" never quite went away. I am a SAHM and often feel guilty when he goes to his granny's on Friday nights. The guilt also makes me feel like I'm not doing enough to help him develop. I'll have days where I feel like I have almost ignored him, and then resurfaces the guilt. I have always been a little OCD, things had to be put a certain way and so on, but now I feel like my compulsion is cleaning. it is as if my nesting from pregnancy has just continued. I do not cry a lot at my own thoughts, but anything I read or watch will make me tear up still. Again, as if I was still pregnant. I never have thoughts of me hurting my son, but I have had continuous thoughts of accidents and sids, most recently they have become dreams where someone takes him and I chase for a few and then just give up. I also don't take care of myself like I used to. No motivation. I do not agree with taking meds or seeing a therapist. What is going on with me???