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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I had never heard of the term Consensual Living until this past year, on this board.

A Google search shows some MDC posts, and the website transformingfamily.com.

When I read the article about what CL is, it basically looks like the ideas of TCS to me (finding "mutually agreeable solutions", but without all the accompanying articles about Popper and memes and fallibility).

The resource list on the TF website lists Unconditional Parenting, by Alfie Kohn, and a book about TCS (Winning Parent Winning Child).

So, is this just a new term coined by this particular parenting educator at the above website? If not, where did this term come from? For all the talk on here about CL and what it is and isn't, I was expecting that there would be a lot more information available. So, I'm curious. Who is behind the CL philosophy? I find it curious that it has popped up so very recently around here.
 

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Well, that would be me. About three years ago the head of NCUnschoolers asked me to speak at a local unschooling conference. She wanted me to talk about the philosophy that she had seen me post about so much on local and national boards. So I had to come up with a name
The ideas behind the name came from a lot of different places. Pat and I talk daily and are usually hashing out nuances of our philosophy and discussing things we have read and encountered. I'm not a big TCS fan. I have enjoyed Jan Fortune Wood, John Holt, NVC, Thich Nhat Hahn, Alfie Kohn, Kurchinka, Farber and Mazlish, to name a few. None of them really captured the essence of what we were talking about because it was "limited" in some way - it was a "parenting philosophy" or an "educational" one. CL is about how I choose to related in all of my relationship, it isn't limited to children. It is about examining "have tos", realizing that happiness is a choice (another book I enjoyed), choosing to have non-adversarial relationships, assigning positive intent, realizing we all want to live together in harmony, we all want to be heard, knowing that there are solutions if we open ourselves to that, each individual inherently knows what is best for themselves, choosing not to have power over another, treating people how *they* want to be treated, etc. I could probably fill a page but you get the idea.

You have seen a lot about CL here on MDC because Pat is prolific
It seems to be an idea that people are intrigued by, some love it and others hate it - thinking it "won't work". Well, it can and does work, it's really just a choice. We have a yahoo group that is at times active and at times inactive but it has over 200 members, so I guess people are intrigued enough to be there. Transforming Family is a website of a dear friend, she also loves the ideas of consensual living and wanted to incorporate them into her life and business. She asked if she could post that piece I had written.

I guess I have more than answered your questioned.. The short version is: it was me, but it has grown way beyond me over the past couple years


Anna
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you Anna. I have become so curious because I have an idea of what CL is from the posting, but then I am really not quite sure on some things so was wanting to read more. I realized in another thread that I was responding to some things that people wrote, but I have noticed with other "philosophies" such as UP that people posting about it, aren't necessarily representing what the original intent of the ideas are, and I wondered where else I could learn about what CL is.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by sunnysideup
Can I ask, why not?
Sure
Not sure I can answer it though! It is mostly an energy thing. I have found a lot of judgment in TCS. I try to come from a place of non-judgment, so that energy doesn't work well for me. There seems to be a right/wrong paradigm that I don't think it necessary. I found when I could let go of "good" and "bad" I was free to see what was really there.

So not sure I answered your question, it just didn't speak to me and I have had many *discussions* with TCS folks and we are just on different pages. (Pat will tell you that is a HUGE understatement
)
 
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