Mothering Forum banner
1 - 20 of 24 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,576 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Both Dh and I are in school eight now. He will do his Student teaching and then graduate in May, I have two more years to complete my bachelor's. We have a 5 year old, who will be 6 in February.

We have been for the most part pretty decided on whether on not we would have another child, and we definitely would not. Lately though, and this feeling may pass, I have been considering having another child when we are finished with school. I would also like to have at least a year of teaching under my belt.

If all goes as planned, and I do get that one year, I would be nearly 40 years old. I feel healthy enough to carry a pregnancy now, but how will I feel at 40?

Any mama every plan for a baby at 40? And how did you fair?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,466 Posts
I'm not 40, I'm 24, but I've seen lots of moms have babies at or near 40 and do very well. Choosing to have another child is a big step, but if you feel that you can do it, I would. Motherhood is something that is so personal. There is no "right" age to have a child, or to have a second child. It is different for every woman, and for every situation. Some mothers, like me, choose to have their when I was very young, 18 with my first. That was right for me. Some women are not mature enough at that age, and so they wait until they are in their 20s, some in their 30s, and some in their 40s, and it's fine either way. My aunt is 38 with a six year old and a three year old (her kids are the same age as mine
) and she does great. In my area where I live, there are many women past 40 with young kids, in fact probably more so then younger moms. I would encourage you to do what feels right for you. I would imagine that a baby at 40 would be very different than having a baby when you are younger, and I'm sure there would be health factors and such to consider, but if it's what you want, and if it makes you happy, then go for it! I think that it's wonderful that you want another child and I wish you the best of luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,493 Posts
Just be sure you understand the odds of conceiving at 40. They are not "nil" but they are relatively small. About 30 percent of women are completely unable to concieve at this age. And the chance of conception of a viable baby is smaller still.

Of course thousand of women have babies over 40. But do understand that by waiting you do reduce your odds.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,506 Posts
It's much easier to work a school schedule around a baby than a teaching career IME.

I waited to finish school and get a few years teaching experience before having DS #2. If I had it to do over again I wouldn't wait. I was in my 20s during this time, so age wasn't a factor either.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,116 Posts
I had my second baby at 39 (literally days before I turned 40).
40 is not old! I am now 42: I run marathons and manage a 2 and almost 5 year old. Taking care of yourself, eating healthy and exercising will be much more of a factor than your numerical age in years when it comes to how you feel in any given year of your life. I have been outpaced by a couple of 50-somethings and whipped the pants off many a 20-somethings.
I have seen many 20-somethings who smoke, drink, eat poorly and look a lot older than me! What on earth do you mean, how will you feel at 40?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,576 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
maya~ I'm not desparate to have another child, nor would my odds decreasing intice me to conceive earlier than planned. If I don't conceive at the time I want then it's no biggy, really. That sounds odd after typing it. Considering a child isn't a flip thing I'm doing, but we are just in the consideration phase, and nothing more.

mimim~ being pregnant for me while in school is not an option. I'm not willing to postpone my education any further (It took me 16 yrs to be able to return to college, not waiting anymore). I know a few teachers who have have given birth recently (3 in the last year), two being fairly new teachers. One just delivered her third child 8 months ago and she hasn't encountered any problems - so far


G - girl~ that's the info I was looking for. The physical aspect of pregnancy and caring for an infant at 40. Great!

Thanks mamas for your insight. Please continue. I'm able to consider each of your posts.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
222 Posts
I got married at 39 and took 1.5 years to concieve- with the help of Clomid. I had my son at 41.5 years. I don't think pregnancy and having a newborn at 40 is a big issue. From my experience those are miraculous and challenging times regardless of your age. I have at least 5 friends who had babies after 40- sometimes 2 kids after 40. They had problems with conception but all are great mothers. Issues I see with after 40 births are conception (seek help if you try for 6 months without success), prenatal testing- if this is important to you find someone who specializes in newer first trimester non-invasive testing (a collection of tests may help you avoid amnio), and issues that may not surface until late 40s if at all (care of elder parents, perimenopausal symptoms, etc while dealing with small children).
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,611 Posts
I had my first baby at 40, and my second at 43. It wasn't a big deal for me, as far as how I felt physically. You'd be getting pregnant only about 3 years from now, right? If you feel healthy and energetic enough to have a baby now, I wouldn't worry that you'll feel any differently in a few years. It's not like something dramatic happens at 40 that suddenly makes you feel old.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,757 Posts
MIL was 40 when she had dh and she was fine
Of course dh's grandparents were born before my great-grandparents, which blows my mind, but it works!

love and peace.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
14,311 Posts
b'h I only started having babies at 35, am now in my 40s, and have a nice-sized family (more than the average). It's doable, though will second what a PP pointed out, which is that by waiting, you decrease your chances of conception of a viable pregnancy.

Yes, we have babies in our 40s, but that doesn't make having one in your 40s a given.

You know what I mean?

I wouldn't wait. But that's just me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,513 Posts
Well, this topic is timely for me. I am turning 40 this week and in the process of ttc our second child. Our son was born when I was 37 and it took us 9 tries to get him, all of which were assisted, either using Donor insemination (our first try), clomid or finally repronex (successful at last!) injections. Right now I am doing the shots again, its our fifth try I believe, with two miscarriages included. So yeah, your fertility may or may not be an issue, and same with problems, thats why we think I am miscarrying because of gene problems. But our first son was healthy and we did testing for him, and will do the same once we get pregnant again. Other than that I don't see any problems with being an older mother, actually I am glad I did wait, though maybe we should not have waited so long! I am more patient and have the finances to stay home fulltime. Lots of other pluses, but there are negatives as well. I will be close to 60 when my first goes to college! But I don't care, I am enjoying motherhood and wouldn't have it any other way.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,159 Posts
I had my first baby at age 23, my second at age 38 and my third at age 40. All three were intentional, planned, and TTC'd (I charted for my 2nd and 3rd babies). All three were conceived on the third time trying.
I was in graduate school throughout the pregnancies of #2 and #3 (2 years and 2 months apart). I won't sugarcoat it - the third pregnancy was tough on my body. Was that because I was 39/40 years old? Or was it because it was my third pregnancy? Hard to say.

I do get tired much quicker now than I did when my oldest was a toddler. But that's easily dealt with. I will add that at age 42 my cycles have suddenly gone very wonky - 23 days one month, 35 days the next. I suspect perimenopause is the reason.


Best wishes to you.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,182 Posts
well, the new cliche is that 40 is the new 30
. I had my second at 39, am now 42 and am not sure if we're done-we may try for another. Honestly, age is a state of mind-I'm in better physical condition than I was in my twenties, and it's been no problem tuning out all of the advanced maternal mumbo jumbo you hear. I've always taken care of my health, and see it as my responsibility to my kids, husband and self to do so-so the idea of being almost 60 when the youngest is in high school is not daunting. I'll be a very healthy almost 60 year old! Now, it is a little daunting to think of college and retirement arriving at the same time-but I trust we'll have everything we need to handle both. Good luck!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,010 Posts
I'm 21, about to have my second baby. My "rule" is no more after 30, but lately I've been rethinking that. Even if I wasn't planning on having a child after then, if I got pregnant then that is how things were meant to be, and I would welcome and embrace the child. While I agree that there are risks involved having a baby at 40, I don't think they should stop anyone from having a baby if they really want to have one. DH and I no longer believe in using hormonal contraceptives, and we are going to learn about NFP and I'm going to get in touch with my natural fertility signals. If we get pregnant, then we get pregnant
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,329 Posts
Hi - I adopted at age 40 - my partner was 46 - it's great, we're fine, probably more tired than if we had done this 10 years ago, but we are definitely wiser, more financially stable, and we don't sweat the small stuff.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
12,040 Posts
My aunt had her first baby at 40 and she did fine. She had a nice healthy pregnancy (although she needed help getting pregnant and used IVF). The only thing she did not like was how the doctors considered her "high risk" because of her age. They tried to pressure her into an amnio for no real reason and she refused (thank god). She went on to have a healthy, full-term, baby boy.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,513 Posts
To say there is no reason to have an amnio at 40 is not really truthful. One can say they don't care what the results of an amnio would be, thats one thing. But amnio's do have a place, especially in women who are at risk and care about the results. I did care, I did have an amnio and I am glad I did. I will have one with my next pregnancy as well. Like I said the chances of having a genetic problem at 35, and then 40 and then over 40 rise exponentially each year. At 35 the risk of downs syndrome is 1 in 350, at 40 its 1 in 150, at 45 its 1 in 32. And yes, the risk to mother and baby at the age of 40 is higher, but not so high as to keep a woman from having a healthy pregnancy, many do. Amnios are not that bad in the scope of things, and some of us want them, and want to know the results for various reasons.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
627 Posts
I had my son at 40. He's my only child and it was my only pregnancy. I was very lucky. I conceived after 3 months with no fertility drugs. I was healthy throughout the pregnancy. He's 5 now and is a complete joy. I'm glad he came along when he did. I a much better parent than I would have been if I'd had him earlier.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,132 Posts
I had baby #2 at 39, and baby #3 at 41.

My pregnancies were uncomplicated, conception was easy.

Once you get here, 40 is not old. I'm 43 now. I am a much better mother now than I was at 30
 
1 - 20 of 24 Posts
Top