[Geofizz]

We have a number of childcare issues currently and we're thinking that a nanny might the solution. In fact, a nanny would satisfy all our needs except the fact that my daughter thrives on seeing the same kids each day.

Given our kids' needs and the type of nanny we'd like to hire, a woman who comes to our house with her kids might be ideal. (Indeed, there is a woman I know that I've talked to briefly about this and she has two kids she'd bring each day.)

With that, some questions:

*Contract tips when the nanny is bringing her kids? Specifically, we're concerned about liability issues with her kids in our house.
*Suggestions on orchestrating things like lessons and outings so that all kids are included? We figure will arrange for zoo- and museum-passes, but I know Karen would really like gym classes that are only offered during the week.
*Food. All kids eat the same? We provide food? We split food? ??
*If it happens that we hire someone I know and consider a friend (though I don't know her super well) and suggestions on making that work? I'm leery of entering into a business relationships with friends, and this involves child care which is more emotional than the typical business arrangement.

There's other questions I have, but these are the key ones pertaining to the specific arrangement we're considering with the added issues of more kids in the house.

 

[cjr]

I ran a dayhome for 9 years and in my experience children do better when they are treated equally. It wouldn't be fair to ask her to take your daughter to classes her own children could not attend. It also wouldn't be fair to ask her to enroll her children in a program you wanted your own child to attend. She may not be able to afford such programs. You have to make some compromises. If you want your child to have the opportunity to play with her children, she may not be able to do all the activities you want her to. I think passes are wonderful. A lot of places have nanny passes and children passes are very reasonable.

 

[Geofizz]

Thanks. I know that, which is why I worded the question the way that I did.

Yoohoo! Anyone out there? Nannymom? Where are you?

 

[ChristineIndy]

Geofizz -

Hey! Popping over from the running thread . . . I was a nanny for YEARS, and though I don't have kids yet (you know that saga,) here's my .02

You need to decide what you're comfortable with, present that to your potential nanny, and WRITE UP AN AGREEMENT. Seriously. Put even the dumbest stuff in writing (Nanny will provide lunch for her own child, Geofizz's family will provide lunch for the Geofizz kids.)

Re: liability issues . . . . can you be more specific? If you mean are you liable if she gets hurt . . . I don't know. I'll ask DH, but he's a corporate lawyer, and you'd need to ask a PI lawyer. Do you know any?

This is what I would do if it were *me*, and I'd also be comfortable with it if I were a nanny - Her kids and your kids do the same activities, and you pay for/pick them. Are you okay with the gym classes during the week? If so, it might be a nice perk for her/compromise for you. (Now, if your kids want to do gymnastics and hers doesnt . . .yours get to go and hers can stay with her and read or what have you, but I don't think the opposite is true. This is her mom's work, and anything else she wants to do should be scheduled during non-working hours. Of course, I'd discuss activities frequently - communication is KEY!) You've got the right idea on the zoo/museum pass thing.

Re: food - I think, if they're in your home all day, you feed them, within reason. There's no good reason for her to make pb&j's for your kids and not slap together a 3rd one for her daughter, y/k?

Re: friends as employees . . . . it's tough. I was an employee of a woman who is now one of my closest friends, but I think that's easier than the other way around. If you want to try it, I think you have to accept that it COULD go sour, and the friendship could be damaged. If you absolutely don't want that to happen . . . it's probably not worth the risk.

Bottom line? Communication, communication, communication.

I don't know if that's at ALL helpful, but there you go.

Lemme know if you have other questions!

Christine

 

[Geofizz]

Thank you Christine! I'm starting to feel sane. Everything you say sounds kind of like what we would do on things, but I wanted to ask to see if there were other things we hadn't considered.

On liability, I was mostly worried along the lines of "her kid falls down the stairs" type thing.

 

[ChristineIndy]

I don't know about the falling down the stairs thing, sorry.

The other big thing to think about, IMHO, is what will happen if the nanny's child is ill.

Would you want the nanny to bring her along then? What's the back up plan? What happens if your kids are sick and hers isn't? Then what?

That's the only other issue I really see here . . . .

HTH!

Christine

 

[kerc]

ditto what she said. I'll add that I would initially specify a testing out period -- a month, two months...something that's long enough to test the waters, short enough that no one is super attatched. At the end of that period either party can say the situation isn't working.

I'd pay a bit less than I would if she weren't bringing kids. Its a bit time perk for her. Its also a big time perk if you're paying for a gym class for her kids -- consider that in the payment scheme.

 

[kerc]

other things to consider:
sick days/vacation days?

ooo erin's calling...

 

[Amydoula]

I will add in my experience as well from the other side of it. I was a Nanny for 2 children before I became pregnant with my own. I wanted to stay on with the family after Aidan's birth and they wanted to keep me. I took an 8 week unpaid maternity leave and then came back to work, baby in tow. It was like having built in sibs for my son and the children I took care of learned to deal well with a youngster around. I was happy to take them to all of their activities and didn't expect them to always have to be age appropriate for my son and most times they weren't. he was an easy baby and I would just hold him while the other kids were at their classes etc. I had double of everything at their house, high chair, bouncy seat, pack n play etc. While working their Aidan was breastfed or I brought my own babyfood for him but as he got older and ate table food all the kids ate the same food that I prepared. I only charged the family $10 an hour under the table b/c I had the luxury of being able to bring Aidan with me. I also did their dishes, meal prep and laundry. I charged them mileage when I drove the kids to activities or picked them up from daycare/school. I only got paid when I worked. No paid vacation/sick days. If Aidan was too sick to go I stayed home but this was rare, usually he just had colds etc that the other kids had too so I just watched them all together. When I became a doula I left that job but I still have contact with the children/parents b/c we have such a tight bond. I hope this helps. Let me know if you have anymore questions about our arrangement.

Amy

 

[Fiercemama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geofizz Thank you Christine! I'm starting to feel sane. Everything you say sounds kind of like what we would do on things, but I wanted to ask to see if there were other things we hadn't considered. On liability, I was mostly worried along the lines of "her kid falls down the stairs" type thing.

I think you're liable for anyone who is in your home, regardless of the relationship, nanny's kids, gas meter reader, guests, etc.

 

[lyttlewon]

I had a friend as a nanny and there were many positives to it, she loves Marah Jade and Marah Jade loves her. There were two huge cons though that would make me not do it again.

One her daughter was very jelous of Marah Jade. Marah Jade was the only little kid she ever saw and would often hit, push, throw things at Marah Jade. This really bothered me however to my fault I never broached the subject with my friend because she was sensative to parenting criticism.

Two she was sensative to parenting criticism. Everything I wanted done a certain way, from feeding practices to the types of diapers I bought, she percieved as a parenting slam. Now this is probably personality specific but every time I wanted something done a certain way I had to answer a million questions and not curiosity questions but defend your POV questions.

So if you do enter into this situation make sure this is a person you can confront on issues and that you won't be concerned about it affecting your relationship with the person.

I would provide food for all children within reason.