[naismama]

I have a 4.5 yo dd and a 2 yo ds. Three months after ds was born, my husband had a vasectomy. The number one reason is that I had hyperemesis with both pregnancies, and it was rough. We figured 2 kids was enough anyway, as we have no family around where we live, and it's been so hard being everything to two little ones. I also think the decision was an easy one for dh to make because so many of his coworkers/ friends have had it done, that it seemed like no big deal. But just a couple months after the vasectomy, I began to regret it and want more children. Dh thinks it's just that the memory of the hg started to fade--which is true--but also, I was in a hormonal fog and in no position to participate in that decision.

So now dh and I are considering a reversal. Am I crazy? Intellectually, I can't believe I actually want to get pregnant and have more kids--the fatigue and the vomiting, and the spitting...but I feel as though my kids have brought me so much joy, and I love the idea of a larger family. When we made the decision, I was so tired and worn down. But now, things are so much more manageable...I just feel that fertility is such a gift, and dh and I gave it away. But on the other hand I am 33 years old with 2 healthy kids, and I've recovered enough from the hyperemesis that I was able to run a half-marathon last month! Maybe I should just quit while I'm ahead.

Has anyone else struggled with this kind of decision? I'm not sure why I posted--I guess just to vent and ask for support--reversal and/ or hg stories? Thanks

--naismama

 

[Lohagrace]

I can't comment quite as directly, but i really share similar feelings to you. I was the one who was 100% in favor of DH having a vasectomy and he was afraid to (which made me mad, but that's another story). i'm 31 and have a 3 year old and an almost 6 year old. i knew i didn't want other kids, and then i was a surrogate and had twins and i KNEW i never, ever wanted to be pregnant ever again. now i'm glad he didnt get the vasectomy and i had a mirena put in because now i'm not sure. i dont know that i want another child. i still feel pretty certain that i don't want to experience pregnancy again, and i didn't suffer anything as horrible as HG (if i had, i'm sure i would have had essure done. i dont know how you ladies who puke like that can ever consider getting pregnant again!)
but now i just feel like there is that option. so i can totally understand you wanting to have that option, too. obviously having a 3rd child for you will be a big discussion and both of you being very clear that you want it. it will be for us, too, since i'll have to have the mirena removed. and part of me feels its just too big of a decision to make, i almost wish i could just get pregnant on accident or something. that sounds weird, but i don't know that i'll ever feel 100% sure of wanting another. i wish i could just leave it up to chance or whatever (i dont believe in god, otherwise i'd be saying leave it to god)
anyway, good luck. it sounds like your DH is considering it? i cant talk to my DH yet. i know he is very comfortable with his decision to leave it at 2 kids. period. and i dont even know how i feel so i dont want to initiate a big discussion about it.

 

[zinemama]

I'm not going to say I think you're crazy. But I do think you should wait on this. You've recovered, your life is so much easier now. What would another pregnancy get you besides being tired and worn down all over again? (Aside from another baby, that is!)

I don't know you at all. But I would say that anyone in your shoes should quit when they're ahead. Enjoy the easier time you have now, rather than plunging back into being sick and tired. Also, you have time. If in another couple of years you still feel like you've got to have more, you can re-visit the idea then.

 

[naismama]

Thanks for the responses.

Lohagrace: Isn't it something how you can be so sure of something, and then...not so much? And the accident thing doesn't sound weird to me. Both my children were unplanned, and the act that they just showed up alleviated a lot of the pressure for me to decide whether or not to get pregnant

zinemama: You're right, you don't know me...but you'd probably be surprised how many hg mamas struggle with this! I feel as though I fought so hard during my pregnancy, and that the pregnancy was so miserable, it was almost an insanely beautiful surprise that there was actually a baby at the end. I feel especially blessed having endured such a journey to get my little ones. There is a big part of me too that doesn't feel that I "have time." For various reasons that I don't want to get into, I don't necessarily want to be getting pregnant in my late thirties. But I totally understand your point of view. It's one of mine, too.

And the "am I crazy" was totally rhetorical