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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Help us mamas. I’m feeling pretty stressed out about this at this point. Dd (2) and our good friends Dd, who turned 2 in March, are currently together 3 days per week. My dw is looking after them in their home or ours. We have been good friends with this couple since we were pregnant, we really like them, and have enjoyed spending lots of time together, including holidays. They are great people, always ready to help us out, AP parents, and although our values aren’t identical, we have lots in common as parents.<br><br>
Our two dds have WILDLY different personalities. They are both wonderful girls, but very different. A (our dd) is a highly sensitive kid, cannot be left with anyone other than grandma, easily upset by change and disruption, takes a while to adjust to new situations, very verbal and articulate, usually tries to solve problems by talking them out and generally is pretty willing to go with the flow. K (their dd) is outgoing, charming, funny, chatty, transitions easily, loves noise, big groups and does well with different caregivers. She is not as verbal as our dd, does not understand turn taking, and tends to grab toys and push. They have been together for almost 3 months now. We were very happy to help out our friends whose nanny quit suddenly, as dw was already home and we could use a bit of extra cash. They are looking for new childcare, and it looks likely that they will find something soon, which is great news. But in the meantime, this is what the week has been like so far:<br>
Thursday- A throws a book at K’s head, catching her with a corner (very sore). We tell A it is not okay to hit, and explain that she has made her friend sad.<br>
Friday- A hits K over the head with a toy broom. We tell A it’s not okay to hit, and take away the broom.<br>
Saturday-no contact.<br>
Sunday-A’s birthday party. Seemingly out of nowhere, K chomps down hard on A’s legs. There are still marks 3 days later. K’s parents make her apologize and give A a kiss and then remove her from the party.<br>
Monday-no contact.<br>
Tuesday-A hits K a few different times.<br>
Wednesday-I talked to dw, so far today, A has hit K with a book and a stacking cup and stomped on her fingers while she was climbing a ladder at the park. K has bitten A on the arm when they were both riding in the double stroller.<br>
Generally we have been handling this by removing the offender from contact, giving love and support to the victim, and explaining very seriously to the offender that they have made their friend sad.<br><br>
Thanks for still being with me! I am finding this personally very hard as our family are pacifists and A has never shown any real aggression before, and certainly never to other kids. K’s parents tend to laugh off A’s aggression as in “K deserves some of the same that she’s been giving.” I guess I’m looking for input…are we handling it okay? Other than separating them, what else can we do? How can we help our normally verbal, easygoing & patient toddler to protect herself without hitting. Apparently K now flinches when she sees A coming which makes me sad.
 

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2 is a tough age for friendships. I think that you and your dw have handled it very well.<br><br>
Unfortunately the only advice i have is to stick close to your dd in order to protect her from further hits/bites. It's a stage for the other little girl, but this stage can last for another year.<br><br>
I did some childcare with my ds(8) when he was small and it was just too stressful for him. I wish I hadn't continued. This time around with dd(2) I have declined oppourtunities to babysit.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
thanks sebandg's mama...what's hardest for us I think is to see our daughter turning her aggression back on the other girl.<br>
As you say, this is a hard age for friendships...sharing is just not something they understand at this age. Here's hoping they find new childcare soon!<br><br>
any other input is appreciated...
 

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Our neighbors have a dd 3 days older than our dd--they're both about 28 months. We ended up in the same daycare (when they were about 9 months old), so the girls have spent/spend a <b>lot</b> of time together. The dcp is really good about teaching about sharing and not hitting, but you know....they're <b>two</b> so it's not always an easy thing.<br><br>
One of the things we do is to have at least two of everything--I'm not talking about expensive toys, but about balls, strings of mardi gras beads, bubbles, etc. Stuff like blocks there's enough for sharing anyway. If there aren't identical things, then we have an alternate that's close. So that can take care of some of the sharing and taking turns issues. ("No, K; A was using that ball. Here's one that you can use.")<br><br>
Do they take swipes at each other here and there? Yes. We're usually watching closely enough to catch it before it happens, but not always. We have the offender apologize, reiterate that people aren't for hitting, and then let them keep going. If they're having trouble taking turns--like on the ladder to the slide or something--then we just move on to a different activity altogether. And the taking turns thing does still require a lot of coaching.<br><br>
I find that it helps to acknowledge ownership. So (if we're at our house) if my dd takes a toy away from her friend, saying "mine!" we agree, then ask her to hand it back--"yes, it is yours, but right now you're sharing with your friend."<br><br>
I agree that you and your dw are handling it well.
 
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