constant smart mouthing

How old are the kids?

I really think that there are two kinds of smart mouthing - the "intend to piss Mom off" type, in which the kid has been thwarted in something and intentionally sets off to run her mouth and be annoying, and the "lacking filters type" type, in which the kid is just talking in a way that reflects her feelings at the time (generally annoyed about something), and totally not thinking about (or really caring about) how her words will come out and sound to others. Nine to twelve seem prime time for both of these, and really it's hard to tell the difference sometimes.

This so gets to me, btw, so I've worked on being extremely vigilant about my responses and not going off, and knowing that it's age-appropriate behavior - not fun, but normal. If I think it could be type 2 (and I try to give the benefit of the doubt), usually I go for a low-key, "That's not a polite was to speak to me." Usually the child (mine or one I work with) will catch herself then and rephrase or apologize, and then I know that it was inadvertant. If it seems intentional, then I think it's doubly important to keep myself in check, but my response will be stronger - "That was rude. Being rude to me is not okay."

I also think it's really important not to go tit-for-tat with this, and it's so easy to get caught up and start dishing rudeness back... but that perpetuate the cycle. Stay strong, be patient, it does slowly pass...

dar

I think my 16 yr old does this because he thinks he's clever and is trying out certain 'attitude'". Sometimes it bugs me, esp if he is being demanding. When he does it that way, I tell him that I don't feel warm towards him when he's telling me what to do, and that what i do for him is from my heart. I've also told him that when his mouth is a little too smart, I tend to want to shut down. Why would I want to drive a fresh mouth 20 miles out of my way?? I remind him not to bite the hand that feeds (and adores) him.

OTHO, sometimes he says things that are just so snippy and hilarious they border on Comdey Central stuff. Sometimes I aks him "Did you make that up? If you did, you need to write it down and use it in the future".

Teens are their own book. I swear. Sometimes he cracks me up and I think he is the most clever kid on the face of the earth, and sometimes i want to slap him silly. :LOL :

Thanks, BelovedK. Keeping a sense of humor has helped me through many sticky times. Perspective is also a handy thing. Often i think back at situations that seemed so important at the time but really were not. I can't tell you how frequently I have simply looked the other way or ignored particular comments. Sometimes kids just want to vent and do not actually believe what they are saying.

I think about my highly sensitive child (not the teen, who is only moderatly highly sensitive ) , and how one minute I'm hearing how I am the worst mother ever because I only buy " healthy, organic food', but within 2 minutes is chatting with me about neopets and then helps me get dinner ready. Sometimes a vent is just a vent. And sometimes venting around the people who love you most is the best medicine. Any commentary from me would have prolonged the entire vent. Later, easily, I can talk about wanting to help their bodies grow well, and was there anything they wanted to add to the list for the next market trip.

Discussing certain things in the heat of the moment isn't always in my best interest or my child's. It's easier to talk about big ideas (like health and pesticides in this particula case) when we're all calm and in the mood for thoughtful chatting.