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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Ok, my DS is 18 months old. He is generally a very easy, relaxed kid. He only wines or cries when he wants something (ie diaper change, juice, nurse, food, a toy is stuck, etc). Well the past week he has been wining non stop! It is really starting to get on my last nerve, not to mention that I am pregnant and already touchy. My DH keeps yelling at him or talking very sternly telling him things like "DS! You don't need to wine, your a big boy!" or "I will get it for you if you don't wine about it." I then tell DH not to yell or be stern with him because it's not nice. But at least everyday I raise my voice to DS because he is just standing there wining for no apparent reason. Of course this upsets DS, I can tell I hurt his feelings. Sometimes he will sit down and put his hands over his face. Othertimes he will stick his bottom lip out and start to cry. Of course I feel really bad so I pick him up and tell him I am sorry, that I love him, but that sometimes when he wines a lot I get upset too.

I am at my wits end! I am not sure if there is a reason for this or if I have done something so that he feels he has to wine to communicate with me. He is getting an incisor in, over the past 3 weeks he has gotten 1 incisor and 1 molar, but this behavior had just started. I have considered giving him Tylenol but I don't like to medicate unless DS is really in pain. Normally, if his teeth hurt he will cry, grab at his mouth, etc so I am not sure.

Ex.1 He wants his juice cup open. Normally he would just hand it to me, now he wines as he walks over to me, and wines as he hands it to me, and wines while I am opening it.

Ex.2 A toy has rolled under the couch/computer desk. Normally he would try and reach for the toy, then he would look up at me, then possibly wine a little or show other signs of frustration. I would say "What are you looking for? Where did it go?" once he got my attention he would stop wineing or crying and wait for me to get the appropriate toy (there are tons of toys under the counches / computer desks, etc). Now he wines the entire time, he even wines after I give him the toy he wants. He is happy, but still winey.

Please help!
 

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Maybe it's the teeth. My ds gets very whiney and cranky when he is teething (like now) and I remember when he got his incisors and molars he was REALLY whiney and cranky. I also hate to medicate my ds too much, but maybe you should try a little motrin or tylenol. Or if you want to stay away from those, try Hylands teething tablets, Camilia by Boiron, or Bach Flower Walnut. This may last a while because molars and incisors usually come in pairs when they come in.


Hang in there mama!

Roxanne
Daniel 8/9/03
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
I think I was a little unclear in my post in reguards to his teeth. About 3 weeks ago one incisor broke through, and one molar broke through (that makes incisor #1, and molar #4, so done with molars for a bit). His second incisor is all swolen and soon to break through.

Oddly enough, about 15 minutes after I posted this he stopped wining. However, if he starts up again I may give him a dose of Motrin. After rereading my post I had a though "Ok, this pour kid has gotten a molar and an incisor in the past 3 weeks, he is now on tooth #3. If I was in his shoes I would probably be a raving B."

I just wasn't sure if I was like the ONLY one with a constantly wining kid, when they normally aren't wining. And I don't know how to spell "wining".
 

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It's "whining". Unless you want to communicate that he's been winning you over, or that you're responding to his complaints with a kicky bordeaux. :LOL

Mine are just a bit younger, so I don't know if this is a phase we haven't hit yet, a difference of habit, a difference of temperament - or maybe there's been a lot of stress in the household, teething, whatever.

I've read that one way to address whining is to respond promptly the first time they ask. The theory is that the whining tone gets our attention once a normal tone has failed.

The other day we were staying at my Aunt's house out of town & trying to get the kids to sleep after a long day of travel. It was midnight (ugh!). I'm laying there on the inflate-a-mattress with a kid on either side, trying to get them to lay down, and they're thrashing, squirming, crying, kicking, whole nine yards. And they're starting to get loud.

So I just stopped.

When I stopped struggling to contain them, they stopped resisting, crawled up next to me & went right out. Took less than a minute.

Not sure how this applies to whining, but it blew me away so I'm thinking there might be something useful in there somehow.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
The weirdest thing was that after I posted this the whining (see I spelled it right! I knew it was wrong but I just couldn't remember how to spell it!) stopped. He was fine the rest of the day. However, after he went to bed for the second time (ugh) he woke up crying and wouldn't stop, a quiet controled crying. He seemed fine to me so I gave him some Motrin because I think his teeth were just killing him. Once the Motrin kicked in he was running around playing.... till 3am..... so I think that may be the problem. He is doing a lot better this morning as well, no whining as of yet.
 

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My ds just turned 16 months today and you describe him EXACTLY. All his fist year molars are out and I have been starting to think that maybe his incisors are starting to come out too. He whines constantly just like you said. He has changed his napping times too. The other day he came up and started nursing as I was folding laundry and before I knew it his head was flopping back and forth as I was moving my arms. I laid back, still nursing, on the bed I was folding on and within seconds, he was asleep. And it wasn't even 9:30 am yet! He hasn't taken two naps in a day for at least 7 months and this past week he has, on and off. But like you said, the normal signs for teething just aren't there.

I'm pregnant too and I have just about had it. Dh gets really stern and yells at ds when he's had enough with the whining and I get all defensive and the whole cycle goes through the same way ending with me realizing that I do the same thing and apologizing etc.

Hugs to you, sorry it's so hard but at least you know you are not the only one. As with all the other "I just can't take it anymore" situations that have come and gone, I know this one will pass too. I just hope it isn't when he is like 3 or 4!!! (meaning I hope it passes soon).
 

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Ds went through a very whiny phase around the same age. What worked best for us was responding with the words that communicated what he was trying to tell us. "Mama, help!" "Daddy, up!" He signs, and was signing at that age, but for some reason this seemed to help him remember that he did have other ways of getting our attention. (Actually, a large part of why it was helpful might have been that it gave us a constructive, automatic response to give, rather than the "What, Isaac? What???" at-the-end-of-our-ropes-with-the-whining response that would eventually happen in the days before we started this plan.
)
 

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(hello tortellini mamma!)

Hello! Just wondering if you've ever considered signing with your little one. At their age, they are wanting to communicate MUCH MORE than they can actually VERBALIZE. I am a baby/toddler/parent sign language educator. You can visit www.sign2me.com to learn more about signing with your little one, or I suggest reading 'Sign With Your Baby' by Joseph Garcia. I base my program from this book.


Your little guy will be able to sign MANY more words than he is able to speak right now. Signing will reduce the frustration for him--and most likely for your whole family! Excuse my mini sopabox--I hope you will check it out!


Sarah
 

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does anyone have an older whiner? mine will be 3 next month and the whining started about a month or month and a half ago. he is definitely old enough to not have to use this tactic, and i can pinpoint why he does it some obvious times like when tired, hungry, or when feeling not heard, but other elusive reasons seems to exist. and it has persisted. we have realized that in the beginning we just gave in to make it stop and so he realized it was effective. OOPS!!!!!! but now we find ourselves blowing up trying to get it to STOP!!! for at least a week we have been battling it, now that we have realized we have to NOT let it be effective so it will stop. i have tried pretending to not hear him when he uses the voice and DH will make him repeat what he wants in a proper voice. so far not much luck. do you think this will just take a long time to correct or have we not found the right way to get across that he can use a better way to communicate with us?
 

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Discussion Starter · #11 ·
crunchyconmomma - I would think in your case instead of ignoring your DS turn to him and ask him to tell you what he wants rather than to whine since he can verbaly communicate. Maybe even pretending not to understand him when he whines. "What? Mommy can't understand you unless you talk in a regular voice." Then we he talks get excited about whatever it is he is trying to tell you. Now, I haven't had an experience in that area but that is just the first thing that popped in my head.


ETA About signing. I started trying to teach DS signs at about 10 months, but I had the hardest time just remembering to do the signs whenever I interacted with him. I plan on trying to use signs once this baby is born, possibly before, it just depends on if I get the whim or not.
 
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