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Conversation with another mom

661 Views 3 Replies 2 Participants Last post by  cyncyn
This past Tuesday evening I was at the PTO meeting and afterwards I was chatting with another WOH mom and I was a little disturbed by it.

We were discussing after care and I was saying how difficult I find it to get after school sitters who are able to pick up and drive the kids to their various activities. She was saying that she recently started using the after care provided at the school and that her dd does not want to go. I was telling her that I understand how her dd feels. I pulled my ds out of the after care program when he was being bullied and they were unwilling to do anything about it. (There response to me was "If they tell us about it we will address it. I have an idea-watch the children). This mothers response to me was "Well, I told dd that she is in 4th grade and only has to do this for a year and a half before she starts in middle school so she is going."

The mother said the above to me after she told me how her dd has been faking sick so she does not have to go. I felt terrible for her dd. All I could think was how awful to have your mother not listening like that. I understand the desire to use the after care at the school. You can write it off on your taxes, it is reasonably priced, etc. but your dd is crying out for help here. Listen!
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I think that is one of the hardest things about WOH - when your child doesn't want to go to care.

My dd is 3 so not using aftercare, but she will say she is sick or cry and say please stay home mama. She only goes to daycare 14 hours per week, to a really sweet mama's house that is totally safe and fun. I think it is natural for kids to want to be with their family and to protest when they don't like having to go to care. Even though I listen to dd and feel terrible that she doesn't want to go, the fact is, she needs to go. It is really hard and I do feel like a bad mother when I "make" her go. I hope at some point to not use any care at all, but for now, I need those 14 hours.

Perhaps the school aftercare is what they can afford or the only one close enough for her to not have to leave work early, etc. I'm not defending her actions, you probably picked up more on her motives since you were IRL with her. I'm just saying I feel bad for BOTH the mama and the daughter. I hope they work things out.
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You are right. And I know my feelings were colored by my ds's bad experience with the schools after care. It just that I am not the only one who pulled their child out for the bullying. I know they are awful people in there. It is not like when you know you they are some place wonderful. I have no doubt she loves her dd and is probably frustrated as well. I got the sense that she was not even considering exploring options and that is what made me feel sad.

Thank you for that bit of perspective. Now I can see the flip side of the coin.
DD is on her 4th caregiver now. Having a bad care situation (bullying, etc.) makes it very difficult to send your child. I did move dd each time I felt like the situation was not working, but it took a while to give notice, find a new dcp, transition dd, etc.

Hopefully the other mama will continue to look for options and talk to her daughter about why she doesn't want to go. It's great that you were willing to talk with her and let her know your feelings about the school program. I wish one of the other mothers at our very worst care program (teacher hit a baby, was fired, and no one was informed) had clued me in on what was going on.
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