[girlndocs]

Here's mine.

The setting: I am trying to put sheets on the bed. DH is holding 15-mo Dd, who is tired, teething and screaming hysterically (of course) because she can't climb on the bed. It is past her bedtime.

Me: DH, can you give her some ibuprofen so she'll be ready to nurse down when I'm done with this?

DH: No, I can't. The syringes are all screwed.

Me: (WTF does that mean?) What do you mean they're all "screwed"?

DH: Well, I'd have to FIND one.

:

 

[cks321]

Yesterday my dh lets me sleep in...I wake up grateful for the sleep and the house is quiet. The baby is asleep in the swing....again.

and my dh is on the front porch eating....

me: Good morning hon.
dh: good morning did ya sleep well?
me: yup....hey where's Olivia?
dh: In the backyard
me:uh...in the backyard?
dh: yup
me: who's with her?
dh: Frey (our dog)
me: you mean she's back there by herself?
dh: No the dog's watching her

And he was serious! We don't live in the prime neighborhood of our city...oh who am I kidding I'm surprised I haven't seen the cops drive down the street today. Yes our backyard is fenced in...but our dd1 is VERY friendly, and talks to everyone (strangers too...strangers are her favorite) and it worries me that if he leaves her alone out there she would get snatched or worse she'd go willingly. He admitted he made a mistake, and maybe we should teach her about strangers...etcetc. But she's not even 3 yet? (well she will be in July) but still not old enough to play in the backyard by herself....oh I'm sorry the DOG was with her.

:

 

[BrettsMama]

Here's mine:

Part 1: (This part was had sometime in January)
Dh: We really need to finalize our vacation dates so they'll be synchronized.
Me: Well, today I got the ok for my time. I am off June 7-15, as we discussed and agreed to earlier.
Dh: Cool, I'll make sure mine is in synch with that.

Part 2: (Later in January)
DH: My vacation time is approved for June 7-15, like we planned.
Me: Oh good!

Part 3:
Mention several times over the course of the next few months, our vacation, June 7-15

Part 4: (End of May)
Me: We should decide when we are going to do all we need to get done on our vacation. (We're having a yard sale, packing for a move, taking a two day trip to st.Louis and visiting relatives for one day.) Don't forget, My mom's last chemo is on June 9.
Dh: Ok. Well the 7th is out for visiting because I'm going to that ballgame with the guys.
Me: WHATWHO???!!
DH: And remember, i have to work Wednesday the 8th.
Me: WTH?!
Dh: What?
Me: (Freak out)
Dh: Oh. Well I guess I didn't realize you took off the 7th and 8th.
Me: &^%^%#%$$#@%[email protected]
Dh: Well sorry.

Part 5: (Yesterday, June 4)
Dh: I told my dad we'd be there early on Thursday.
Me: Thursday the NINTH?!
Dh: Yeah, why. WHat now?!
Me: My Mom's Chemo!!! I go with her!
Dh: *Sigh* I can't keep track of this. (big production) I guess I'll call him and tell him we just won't be able to make it.

grr.

We did work it all out but he acts like he hasn't heard this information 50 times before.

 

[mamalisa]

Hehe, I love this!

Me: When will you be home?
Him: Late
Me: When are you leaving?
Him: Early
What the hell is late? That's not on my clock!?!? What is early??

Me: What nights will you be gone this week?
Him: Probably Tuesday to Wednesday, maybe Wednesday to Thursday.
Me: When will you know?
Him: I'm not sure, I haven't decided yet.
Me: Well, I want to spend the night at my dad's this week and meet up with some friends, so I need to know when you'll be home so I don't have to call the dog sitter.
Him: I don't know yet.
Me: So, I'll just call Maggie?
Him: That's a waste of money.
Me

The man hates to make a plan. He actually said to me the other day "Undercommit and overdeliver" was his new motto. I told him it was lovely and I would stitch it on a pillow for him.

But aside from that he's amazinglly un-annoying

 

[desertpenguin]

This is the one I seem to have with dh every single day .

Setting: Dh is sitting on couch holding ds....dh is watching tv. Ds is fussing. I have been: showering/trying to do chores/cooking/having some *me*time.

DH: Babe, he's fussing. He wants you.
Me: Are you sure? Have you tried walking around with him / playing with him / giving him something to play with or chew on / actually paying attention to him instead of the stupid tv?
DH: Yes, I've tried everything *as he sits there staring at the tv* He wants you.
Me: *sighing, I take ds from dh. I give ds something to chew on. Ds stops fussing.* You are so lazy! Why don't you ever play with your ds?! Your ds is more important than some stupid tv show!

DH:

:

:

oK, I may have exaggerated some and it isn't every single day *although it seems like it!* Why is it so hard to get dh to actually play with ds without having his attention mostly on the tv?

: I know he loves his ds, but my dh is acting like a lazy bum father!

 

[yaM yaM]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mamalisa The man hates to make a plan. He actually said to me the other day "Undercommit and overdeliver" was his new motto. I told him it was lovely and I would stitch it on a pillow for him.

: !!!

 

[mamalisa]

Sure May May, hysterical if it's not your damn husband

:LOL :LOL

The funny thing is, we just got in an arguement about the "when will you be gone" conversation. He said that I know his plan, I said you don't have a freaking plan....he still thinks, "yea, maybe, I'm not sure yet" consitutes a plan

so therefore I know the plan. Butthead.

 

[yaM yaM]

Oh but Mamalisa, that IS my dh!!!
Ok, maybe not in the *planning* department (MY dh is OVERplanned) but in the sense that he says things equally unbelievably annoying and like

-I-can't-believe-you-think-I'm-actually-gonna-buy-that kind of things. Blows my mind.

What's totally funny to me is your responses!
I should try the sense-of-humor approach

, I'm WAY too serious!

 

[mamalisa]

If I didn't find him amusing, I would smother him while he sleeps

 

[twilight girl]

Setting: Trying to get out the door for the weekend to the beach/friend's/mountains/wherever. DH gets up, showers, shaves, get dressed, gets his bag together, then sits on the sofa watching CNN drinking the coffee I've made for him.

I have gotten up, made coffee, tended to DD, try to get breakfast for us all... DH rolls in clean, shaved, dressed, ready.

DH: Why don't you hurry up and go get ready?

ME: Okay, try to get Claire to eat breakfast while I get ready.

DH: OK.

(I get showered, fend off DD while I get made up/hair dried, dress DD who is still naked, hasn't eaten, isn't packed)

DH: We need to go now.

ME: GRRRRR*&*&#U#(@)#_)$(A(#W$U*%) If we need to get going, why don't you get Claire dressed or something. She needs to eat before we go.

(I get my self ready, pack my stuff, pack DD's stuff, pack the stuff that DH forgot, but that I know he'll be glad I packed for him)

DH; HUUUMMMMMMPF!

ME: WHat?

DH: Can you hurry up, we really need to get going.

(CNN still on in the background, DH still hasn't moved from the sofa)

ME: Okay, obviously you can see I'm getting ready, I'm not sitting on my arse watching TV.

etc.

Curtain. and

 

[KalamazooMom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by twilight girl Setting: Trying to get out the door for the weekend to the beach/friend's/mountains/wherever. DH gets up, showers, shaves, get dressed, gets his bag together, then sits on the sofa watching CNN drinking the coffee I've made for him.

Oh, man, yup that scene plays out at our house every time we go anywhere as a family. Though my DH doesn't watch CNN. With him he'll get up get dressed, eat breakfast and do something like sit and read the paper or dink around on the computer, while I get myself ready get both kids fed and dressed, pack the diaper bag with various snacks, change of clothes, get the lunch packed in the cooler and loaded in the car, get the beach toys, blankets, etc. etc. It kills me that he'll sit in one place just waiting to go while I'm running aound the house at 100 miles per hour with one or both kids hanging on me. If I complain and ask him to do anything he usually says well he never wanted to go anyway!

Aargh!

 

[twilight girl]

Kalamazoomom,

Ain't it the truth! It drives me nuts!!!! 'Nough said... no need to get myself all mad at him when he isn't even here

We actually did manage to get out for a trip to the mountains yesterday without this conversation.

 

[yaM yaM]

Ok, here's one --

Dh gets all pissy and uptight about anyone sharing his drinking glasses, for fear of GERMS (he subscribes to the concept of catching things from others pretty much exclusively; I believe a healthy immune system is where it's REALLY at, so I think one can be exposed and withstand sickness by means of a strong immune system).

So I'm like, sure, I respect your values. So no one shares the cup he's using, ever (no one takes a sip of his water, for example).
BUT,
for some insane reason, it's ok with him to 'just rinse out' the cup he just used when he's done using it and put it in the dishrack that way. Anyone else could then end up using that cup and catch his germs, right?! I've told him I'd rather he just leave them for me to actually wash, but he can't seem to do that

. (I wash everyone's used dishes -- don't ever just rinse anything out.)

So he thinks it's ok, though, since everyone else in the house (me and dc) are into the 'immune system theory' that he doesn't wash the cups he uses.

I say, if HE believes that germs cause sickness alone, then how could he put them in the dishrack with a clear conscience??

I think it's just his way of copping out -- changing his beliefs to suit whatever point he's making at any given moment.

But,

, it's sure hard to take someone seriously that doesn't walk their talk!

 

[em&namama]

Quote:

Originally Posted by twilight girl Setting: Trying to get out the door for the weekend to the beach/friend's/mountains/wherever. DH gets up, showers, shaves, get dressed, gets his bag together, then sits on the sofa watching CNN drinking the coffee I've made for him.

Ok you guys are all one up on mine. I can get myself showered, dressed and fed as well as two kids ready and my husband who just has to worry about lil old him still won't be ready.

My other favorite with dh is when the car or anything isn't working right. Keep in mind he's gifted in being able to fix just about anything.

me: something's not right with the car
him: ok let me take a look (he's gone for like an hour or two checking it out)
he comes back in
me: so what is it?
him: well I think we need this or that
me: are you sure that's what it is (I'm not into spending money on non-returnable expensive parts)
him: well I think so
me: well what else could it be
him: it could be this but I checked it so it's not and it could be this but I checked that also and it's not so that leaves this and since it's melted it makes sense
me: then why did you tell me you think it's that why didn't you just tell me it's that
him: well that's what I meant

he pulled the same garbage with the dryer last week even though clearly when he found the broken belt it was kind of obvious

and the biggest one is just a blanket statement I hear all too often...this coming from a guy who went to school to be a computer technician/software specialist If we have a problem with the computer it's always let's just reformat the drive and reinstall everything

:

 

[hunnybumm]

Quote:

Originally Posted by em&namama and the biggest one is just a blanket statement I hear all too often...this coming from a guy who went to school to be a computer technician/software specialist If we have a problem with the computer it's always let's just reformat the drive and reinstall everything :

ROFL I went to school for 6 months (half of school) to work on computers, I was more focues on the hardware (like building them) though. So everytime my computer messes up I reformat.

Now here is a spin off on the pervious 5 posts.

Setting: DH decides he wants to go out to dinner, not McDonalds, but an actual restraunt.

Me: (as I am stepping into the shower) Ok, can you please get all ready to go that way you can help get DS ready since it only takes you 5 minutes to get ready?

DH: Ok.

DS is piddeling around the bathroom / bedroom

I get out of the shower, and start to do my hair, lotion on my face, deoderant.

Me: DH? Are you ready to go?

DH: Just a minute.

DH is on the computer, piddeling around, looking at CNN. Not dressed, not shaved, just sitting. I get myself all ready to go and start to fix the diaper bag. DH is still sitting.

Me: Can you PLEASE get ready to go so you can help me out?!

DH: Ok, fine!

I pick out cloths for DS, I get his socks, I get his shoes, I grab a diaper. Now I am all ready to go so I start dressing DS.

DH: Ok, I am ready to go. I just have to put my shoes on.

ME: Ok, well I am ready to go, with shoes, DS is ready to go, with shoes.

We all walk out the door at the same time. Everytime we go anywhere. On occasion I wait until DH is ready to go, then I have him get DS dressed just so I don't have to. But most days, I do it all. This seems to be a trend around here.

 

[akmbloom]

We have the getting ready problems too-- but the worst thing is when he's on the computer and he says, "I'll be just a second" and then I'm like waiting around, and he keeps saying "I know, I'm hurrying" until I'm standing over him with bag in one hand and baby in the other, and then he's like, "don't hover over me, you know it annoys me!"

 

[girlndocs]

DH is dressing Dd.

DH: Do you want me to put shoes on her?

Me: Why ask me whether *I* want shoes on her? Why not just decide whether *you* think she needs shoes today?

DH: Well, because I don't know where they are.

:

 

[Carsonsmama]

:LOL These are funny!!

Unfortunately I have one to add. It's reoccuring....probably at least once a month.
The situation: We have two leased vehicles. DH had them before we got married. I hate them because they cost us $1300/month and are the reason we can not buy a house yet. We have one year left on the car and three on the truck. I tell him no more new vehicles till after we get the house. Plus he is going to be getting a company vehicle next month which means we are going to be paying to have one vehicle sit in the drive way!.....He agrees with my reasoning......and then we have THIS conversation!

DH: So what kind of vehicle do you want to buy next?
ME: What?
DH: Well when the car is done on the lease what do you want to trade it on?
ME: Are you serious?
DH: Well yah, you need to start thinking about what you want.
Me: You have GOT to be kidding me? We are going to buy another vehicle for what? So I can pick which vehicle I want to drive each day? Why would we buy another vehicle? It would just sit in the driveway, cost us money, and depreciate? Please tell me you kidding!?!?!!

Just a revovling conversation. I just keep telling myself he loves vehicles too much and forgets that we are soon only going to need one vehicle!

 

[PadmaMorgana]

This one occurs frequently. Now, we live on Vancouver Island in BC, about 15 minutes from a small airport (like you don't go through security small) and 45 minutes from larger airport. I can only pick him up from the small airport, for the larger one they hire a car. DH travels a bunch, usually to the US, and has to fly through Vancouver to get home. Sometimes his schedule changes.

Me: so you are coming home tomorrow, do you need a ride home?
DH: that would be nice
me:are you flying into small airport
DH: I think so.
me: what do you mean you think....
DH: well I have to find my itinerary.
DH: ok...yup small airport.
Me: well when do you get in
*meanwhile both kids are starting to yell as they want to talk to daddy*
DH: well I leave Jacksonville at 8am
me: when do you get home
*yess honey you can talk to daddy is just a minute*
DH: then I get into Portland at 2pm
*DS please be patient*
DH: then I get to Vancouver at 4pm

Me: *implodes* When.do.I.Pick you up Or would you rather walk.
DH: oh..that's all you wanted....I get in at 530pm.

*boom*

every single trip. Drives me batty.

 

[Jane]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carsonsmama :LOL These are funny!!The situation: We have two leased vehicles. DH had them before we got married. I hate them because they cost us $1300/month and are the reason we can not buy a house yet.

Confidential to Carsonsmama: You can turn in a lease car early - you need to negotiate with the lease holder for the payoff. PM me if you want more information.