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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My temper these days seems to have a hairpin trigger I am just at a loss ....I am trying very hard to hide it from ds 1 but not doing such a great job at it. It has reached a point where in my anger in order to avoid lashing out at him I end up being self destuctive ie running my nails don my other arm, I keep my nails short so as not to break the skin in these moments of rage but I am left with long bruises. I tried keeping a rubber band on my wrist (for beh. mod,) but I always end up taking it off at some point and then it is not there when I need it. Does any one have any coping strategies they can suggest. I know this is very bad and that I need help. There is a therapist in the area that specializes in PPMD but she doesn't take my INS and we are realy strapped at the momment but it is a priority. I know I am rambing a bit I have been wanting to post here for some time but have avoided doing so....now it seems my thoughts are swimming and I dont know what to say......
 

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Do you know what triggers the rage? It is no doubt one issue that hasn't ever been addressed. For me, it is when my dd doesn't listen to me, when I ask her over and over to do something and she doesn't. I suppose it's a lack of respect I feel, but at 3, I don't think a child can really do this intentionally. She's just goofing around and I lose it.<br><br>
I sometimes slam the door or something to let off some steam, but still it's not good.<br><br>
I think the key is to remember they are not being malicious, and to really think about why it bothers you to such an extent that you feel violent.<br><br>
maybe you could get one of those foam things that you smash on the wall or something.<br><br>
For me it helps to just take one second before reacting to really think about whether I'm really that angry or not. Usually I can reason myself out of it.
 

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I have 3 children under the age of 3.5. My youngest is 8 weeks. I want to say that I sympathize with you on your feelings a lot. Anger is easy to come by, tolerance not so much. But it is important that you understand why you are feeling that way. You have a new baby and a toddler. Do you feel overwhelmed and overloaded? Are the walls closing down on you? Is your house in a state of constant disarray? Is either of your children high needs or spirited? Do you have demands on you 24-7? Is your only break from your kids the one you get when you go out to retrieve the mail? Do you ever worry your anger will be directed towards your children?<br><br>
I ask only because these are a few of the things that really get me down. Plus the added joy of having my 21 month old pick on my 3 yo and the added whines of "mom she hit/bit/pinched me...is taking my toy... is standing in front of the tv". Or my 3 yo endless talking that sometimes drives me batty.<br>
Or my 21 month old's daily multiple temper tantrums. Most days I only get an hour at most relief from it.<br><br>
You do have to remember you are entrusted with your children and you must not let the anger that you understandably feel get out of control. Leave the room if you must. Put baby in the crib and the toddler somewhere safe and take a shower to "regroup". Drink chamomile tea. Go get a trashy novel from the library and read for the fun of it. Call a friend and vent. These are small things you can do in between to give your mind a rest from whatever is triggering your stress. Do whatever it takes to give yourself a time-out. Find local mother's groups to find other mothers' who may be struggling with the same issues you are. Or you can find other mothers at the local library story times. Making friends with other mothers was the best thing I could do for myself. I have one friend with only 1 child who is spirited who is my go to person for venting. She and I always have something to vent about to each other. It helps on those really bad days.<br><br>
#1 thing if you aren't already doing it: get more rest!!! I get more short tempered on less sleep. It's hard to be resiliant to stress when you are tired.<br><br>
I know these seem like simple things, but basically, if you can't get professional help at the moment, you really need to be taking an active role in reducing your stressors. I'm guessing you are taking action on yourself in the way of scratching yourself so you don't hurt your kids? I understand the feelings. Really I do. Even the feelings of rage. Mine have only swelled a few times, usually I can do something to take the pressure off (a phone call to my friend with the spirited toddler or a shower does wonders to help me regroup).<br><br>
I don't know specifically what things you are going through so I can't really address them. Just know that you aren't alone. Many good moms go through these feelings too. But the anger I think is a reaction to extreme feelings of being overwhelmed and overloaded. I don't know exactly what your situation is, but I've been there before and am working through similar feelings now.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Karla
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Thank you music mommy and kmc Things are getting better I have been tring to nap every day whith the bys and I can't believe the difference it is making! I really appreciate your thoughts and Ideas, It really helps to know that I am not alone in feeling this way! Its been hard to talk with my friends IRL about my anger because they all think I am this great mom who is always SO GD and I know that they're totally tring to help when they tell me that but instead I just feel even worse like a giant fraud or something ykwim <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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yes you are not alone! I'm like that too, everyone thinks I'm so calm. But sometimes dd makes me so angry!!! I'm getting better at dealing with it. The more I think about the fact that if she has a tantrum or is being smart with me, that she's not doing it intentionally. That it's not a reflection of me necessarily. And that makes it so much easier. But also I'm surprised at how much anger she can produce in me. My mother always flew off the handle when she was mad, she was never violent towards us, but definitely also has that temperament, which is where I think I got it.<br><br>
Tha'ts great about the sleep. It's true, I think so much has to do with enough sleep. Especially with an infant... it's so hard to deal with the constant demands when you are exhausted.<br><br>
Congrats on getting more sleep. That's great.
 

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Fairy Fort Mama i thought of one other thing (this thread REALLY hit home and i am wondering how many moms get this way with the older ones when new ones come onto the scene) - do you consume caffeine and sugar? i get violent rage/mood swings when i am drinking coffee. there have only been VERY brief periods where i was able to kick sugar but that made a huge difference also. just not having coffee makes a tremendous enough change though and i am much more capable of not going off the deep end.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
crunchyconmama thanks for your post & yes I do drink coffee <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/bag.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Bag">: I know this is effecting me but I am no really sure how it fits. When I am PG Idon't drink coffee and its no big deal but now when I don't drink coffee I am VERY cross <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> But like you said if I drink too much I have major mood swings <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> So I don't know what to do...I have used coffee to self med. my ADD since high school. I am really tring to be mindfull of my sleep/eat/activity patterns to see if I can determine some triggers. I was very rageful as an adolecent but this is pretty out of charecter for me now. I just want to go back to feeling like my self.<br><br>
sorry 4 spelling and grammer errors/typing 1handed
 

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Hey Fairy Fort Mama, what about Bach Flowers? I totally forgot how helpful those have been. Even regularly I will be having mood swings and rage fits and I forget about the flowers and so does my DH and then one of us, (usually it's him!) remembers and gets me some Cherry Plum or just some Rescue Remedy. When I am actually using the flowers on a therapeutic basis I have even more success than when I just use them in acute instances.<br><br>
Do you know much about the flowers? If not, I would be happy to help in any way I can - I have all 38 and books and have used them often. I know about finding Bach Flower therapists to consult with and get treatment bottles, also.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
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Do you know much about the flowers? If not, I would be happy to help in any way I can - I have all 38 and books and have used them often. I know about finding Bach Flower therapists to consult with and get treatment bottles, also.</div>
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Ya know I don't! Educate me mama <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/flower.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="flower">
 

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Fairy4tMama,<br>
The flowers work by helping the self "fix" what's wrong emotionally to restore balance in your vibrational energy. Rememer proteins and the whole substrates thing from bio class in high school? Sort of a lock-and-key concept. When something isn't right emotionally for you, it's like the pie piece with the funny shape missing. The flower that would help you would be like that funny shaped piece. It would help your body bring itself back into balance.<br>
Since the body mind and spirit all have to be a-ok for us to be healthy, if we are out of whack emotionally, we can't be truly healthy. The flowers help our bodies go back to where they want to be, which is a state of health.<br>
There are 38 remedies, but only 37 are actually from flowers, one is rock water. They were chosen by Edward Bach for their abilities to vibrate at certain frequencies that resonate with the body's own frequencies.<br>
So let's say I need crab apple for my compulsion toward perfectionism. I would feel out of sorts and have neurotic urges to do complusive cleaning things. I take the crab apple and it helps to restore my natural vibration and I feel less nuts about washing my feet or scrubbing my kitchen sink, which are taken out on my DH and kids as fits of "Mean Mommy."<br>
There are people you can consult with over the phone to help you use the flowers. They become Bach Flower Therapists, and the way they usually do it, is to consult with you and decide what remedies you would benefit from and they make up and send you a treatment bottle. You take drops of the remedy either in a drink or on your tongue. (They have no taste, really). Nelson Bach, USA is the organization in the states that help to hook you up with a practicioner. I forget how I had done it before, but fool around with googling Bach Flower Therapists, or Bach Flower Practicioners or go to Nelson Bach and see what their link brings you to. The cost is usually 50 -100 dollars and it varies widely what they covers. With some people, it's an initial, a treatment bottle and a follow up call for about 50. Some do much more. One lady that we had all liked (friends and us) is a Naturopath and will do flowers and help you tweak your diet for better emotional balance, but then she charges more like 100 for her new patient stuff.<br><br>
Oh, and the flowers don't work on the molecular or chemical level, so they are totally safe at all times (PG, BF, with other meds). They are made from the "imprints" of these flowers when left in water, so there is no trace of them in the remedy (at least not that our current scientific methods can measure - someday we will have the technology!)<br><br>
I can't think what else I have to tell you, so why don't I stop here and you can tell me what questions this has brought to mind so far or what isn't clear.<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/flower.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="flower"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/flower.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="flower"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/flower.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="flower">
 

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Hmm, so if there isn't any taste or measurable amount of anything in the bottle? Sounds as if they could just package up any old water and call it a remedy. Not to be too harsh, but it does sound more like a wishful thinking. I can understand the use of herbs/herbal teas - you are ingesting actual parts of the plant there. But this sounds more like a placebo. I thought it sounded promising before, now it just makes me question why anyone would pay for something like that.<br><br>
Guess I'm too skeptical (I was a biologist in my former life).
 

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when I feel angry I step back, close my eyes and without trying to fix the anger I feel it and listen to it. if you listen closely you will realize you are probably telling yourself a self defeating story and it is not the moment you are mad at it is the accumulation of the story in your head and then the moment happens and you can't deal. So I tell my story on paper and get it out of my head first thing in the morning and then I leave the story behind, because it is not who I really am at that moment in time. Break the cycle. Scientificly the more habitually you feel anger then chemicaly you will find it harder to feel happy. SOOO listen to the story you are telling yourself realize that, that story can change right now and live in the present moment. Every moment is fresh and your children appreciate that. Good luck!!!<br><br>
Rhiannnon<br>
Mom to Dorothy 12-10-00 and Clara Rose 9-11-05
 

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I had great luck with a flower essence blend my chiropractor made me...But is was in Brandy! Getting outside when I am feeling angry is one of the fastest remediesi can think of. Fresh air and space give you a new perspective.
 

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Keep up your vitamin B intake as this helps the nerves...I would get dragged down and angry and raging around five in the evening every day...I alleviated it with a short nap around noon and taking orange juice with brewers yeast around three in the afternoon. It helped me.<br><br>
G-d bless.
 
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