[Shiloh]

Okay so I am at a loss..<br>
My stbx doesn't say anything about visiting the kids for two weeks...<br>
then today I get an email saying how's Sunday between 11 and maybe 6/7ish<br>
No mention of who is going to do drop off (I have restraining order against dh so there has to be a third party) just a get me to ask my friend to do it.. as the surety for our case thinks he's 'done enough already' well golly gee I never asked him to bail dh out of jail... I told stbxh (after the surety was nasty, put me down, propositioned me sexually on so many occasions after dh left) that I wasn't comfortable with him acting as our third party but didn't feel like telling dh all the reasons why in an email as well I don't need my life any more soap opera than it isn.<br><br>
I wrote him asking for a little more notice than 2 days he hasn't seen the kids in two weeks, they occasionally ask about him... he's only asked to see them 3 times since he left almost 2 months ago.<br>
That he try to firm up arrangements, times for pick up drop off, places, for him to contact the person directly who will be dropping off picking up as he cannot contact me and I can call him but he won't pick it up...even though he is allowed to.<br>
To know where the children are going (to dress them correctly, provide any gear, car seats etc)<br><br>
His parents were up all last weekend he could have asked them to do pick up and drop off but I guess since my MIL LIED to me about not comming up to visit our town until JUNE...<br><br>
Is that too much to ask?<br>
What can I ask him to do?<br>
My lawyer is drafting up a visitation plan but really I was going to offer every second weekend but so far he's only seen them for a few hours every two weeks and hasn't asked to see them any other time even when he had the opportunity or I knew he was actually in the area...<br><br>
we also do have plans for Sunday but I realise seeing dad is important I just wish 'dad' put some thought or effort into planning his visitation...

 

[Bixby]

I would probably say "I'm sorry, we had already made plans for Sunday. To avoid this in the future please make sure you contact me x (how ever many days in advance you want) days in advance." and then suggest the next sunday if you are open then.<br><br>
Also, I know when my cousin had a restraining order against her ex they had a mediator where they went to the same building, my cousin went into the room and dropped her kids off with the counsellor, then after she went back out her ex went in thru another door and picked up the kids. They had different entrances they used and everything so that they never saw each other. Maybe something like that would work for you?

 

[LoveOhm]

I sugest firming it up thru the courts for along term plan... then it is just business and not feelings involved.

 

[woo27ks]

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LoveOhm</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7966181"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I sugest firming it up thru the courts for along term plan... then it is just business and not feelings involved.</div>
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I agree. Visitation doesn't have to do with feelings - we see/take care of our kids regardless of how we feel about it. It's what's best and it's what's expected.

 

[Shiloh]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I agree. Visitation doesn't have to do with feelings - we see/take care of our kids regardless of how we feel about it. It's what's best and it's what's expected.</td>
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I know it just sucks sometimes when the other parent is not being thoughtful.<br>
I know I have to support whatever visitation he wants with the kids and haven't refused him yet its just maddening sometimes!

 

[sunflowers]

I hear your frustration!<br><br>
It seems so one-sided at times when ex gets wishy washy about his visits. I have to go out of my way to make dd available for visitation, yet he has no legal obligation to actually visit. I've had quite a few weekends spent waiting around for ex to come and he never calls and simply doesn't show. God help me if he actually showed one of those days and we weren't home. He'd probably rant and rave about his rights and that I'm preventing him from exercising his visits. No mention of all those weekends I sat around and cancelled plans, though...<br><br>
It can be very frustrating. I hope it gets better for you when the agreement is in black and white. Until then, you're right about offering him as much visitation as he asks for.

 

[Shiloh]

yes a firm schedual would help to know what days I can plan for and then guess he'll bail on some of the days he commits to picking the kids up.<br>
I think it mostly upsets me as he's threatened to leave and never see the kids again so this wishy washy visitation bothers the crap out of me as my son thinks he might not come back (dh has told him on a few occasions that daddy is leaving for good and he'll never see him again.... so I am feeling blessed to not have to be married to that jerk for much longer, but its still dc's father....... sigh...