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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
dd is going to be 2 in a month. i have us going to 3 mom and toddler classes -- kindermusik, little gym and a dance class. KM and LG we've been doing for a while and i'm relaxed in there, but the dance class is new and i'm tense about it.<br>
there are 3 other girls in there, one is dd's age, and the 2 others are about 6 months older. the other girls all sit quietly with their moms and make an effort at following what the teacher is doing. not my girl! she flat out refuses to get into the circle, today she ran laps around the room for 15 solid minutes! the teacher and i both ask her at intervals to come and join us and try this or that, and when there's a prop, she comes to get one (a scarf, a cardboard dot, etc.) but she's definitely not into group activities.<br>
i feel like the other moms think i am a bad mother for not making her participate.<br>
is she a regular 2-year-old or is she a freak? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> i try to reassure myself by telling myself that those other girls just have no personality and are probably vitamin and mineral deficient, and that's why dd has so much more energy than them. but i'm scared dd is going to get labeled as ADHD, or just a brat.<br>
she doesn't do group stuff in little gym either, but a few other kids run wild there, so it's alright. maybe it's just the new moms that are weirding me out. any insights?
 

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My ds is 26 mos. We did a music program this summer where the other kids tended to sit and listen or dance/etc. to the music, but not my ds... we'd be up on the balcony running laps. I chalk it up to his personality--he has a ton of energy, and I've never seen it as anything but positive. When we're home alone (with quieter music and less excitement because there's not a bunch of other people), he does just fine with all the dancing and motions to songs.<br><br>
I'm just trying to find activities which are appropriate for him.<br><br>
I don't know if this helps, but you're not alone.<br><br>
Kristine
 

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I did a Music Together class with ds this summer. He is 28 months, and rarely ever actively participated in the particular song or dance. There were other kids that were running around with him, so it was not a problem, but I felt awfully silly paying $135 so that I could sit and sing I've Been Working on the Railroad while ds ran laps around the couch.
 

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This sounds so normal. At the music classes we take dd to, they emphasize that kids particpate at different levels in new, public situations. They may well absorb lots in class without participating in the group. Your dd sounds like she's totally normal.<br><br>
FWIW, I think people with easy/compliant kids sometimes think their child's behavior reflects well on them, when in truth it's just personality. I secretly hope these people get energetic, spirited, rowdy second kids! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
One emphasis in our classes is on the parent/caregiver having as much fun as possible, which will make the kids more comfortable. Being tense about it is no fun, either!<br><br>
Unless she's really disturbing the other kids, and if she seems to have some fun, I'd keep going.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
maybe part of my tension is because the other moms are all clean and put together looking, and i look like a psych patient. and their daughters are all wearing full ballet regalia and bows and jewelry, and my dd just wears play clothes. i guess i'll get her a leotard next week after we get paid, but i specifically asked if we had to wear leotards and tights and was told no, just wear comfy clothes, and of course we're the only ones without the leotard/tights/slippers.<br><br>
i was all set to ask the teacher if we should quit, and then one of the other girls came over and held dd's hand and walked around with her and hugged her. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"> and that was just so sweet, i figured it was worth coming just for that.<br><br>
it's only 9 weeks, and we've done 3 and i suppose we'll keep going. it's just startling how much more active my dd is than those girls. i'm not used to being the ONLY ONE with a child who won't participate.
 

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I am about to put DD to bed so I only have a second to post, butI had to come tell you we are a simlar same situation. DD used to be the life of the classes - did everything with the group, got in the middle and talked to everyone, loved the teachers. Somewhere along the way she has become more shy and now won't participate in lots of group things.<br><br>
We wasted $175 to sit on the side and watch a bunch of other kids do gymnastics. It was the only class I could find where I couold bring my younger baby while a teacher played with the kids. DD wanted nothing to do with it. I chalked t up to this being her first time having to leave my side.<br><br>
I found another class - Kinderdance - where the class size was smaller and I could also bring the baby. I thought DD might really get into this one - she loves to dance! No go. We are in our second class now and she has only left my side a few times. Same as your DD - to grab a prop an get stamp! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I feel kind of silly doing all these things, but I keep thinking that DD will get used to it and go out there someday. She does get a lot out of the classes - when we come home I have to play Dance Class ALL day long!<br><br>
Anyway, I also wanted to tell you that Kids R Us sells pretty cheap dance stuff. I think I got our plan leotards 2 for $12. They also have the sparkle, skirt, etc. for a little more. Their dance shoes were about $12-14 I think. M mom paid a little more - about $17 for ballet shoes at a real dance store. We are in FL so we skip the tights for now. I thought the "gear" might get DD into the spirit, but no, she just sits on my lap in her cute little outfits for now.<br><br>
I would keep going, at least it gets them and us out of the house! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Hmm... This post worries me because I signed my crazy little two-year-old up for an expensive dance class that starts next week. Luckily, the first class is free.<br><br>
I'm keeping my fingers crossed because I'd really like dd to do an activity in what will eventually be her second lanuage.
 

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My daughter has JUST started to become active in her gym class. We started gym class in January and ended for the school year in June and JUST started back up again on Tuesday and she actually participated. I almost fell on the floor! She just turned 3 in July so she IS older than your daughter. In fact, there are a lot of 3 year olds in her class that run laps and run off during warm-ups. I personally only go fo rthe occasional adult conversation(between running to catch kids!) and to get out of the house. My mother pays for it. it's $35 a month but it seems well worth it to me! Your daughter most certainly is NOT a freak! Well, if she is, then mine is too!<br>
Meg<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hippie.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hippie">
 

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I signed up my daughter for Mommy and Me Gymnastics class a few months ago and it was a disaster. The room was too big and the class was too unstructured. My DD just ran around trying to explore everything in the 1/2 hour we spent there. She loved it, but rarely actually participated in the class. During the same time, we took a kindermusik class that was wonderful. The room was small and plain. There were only 5 child/parent pairs and the class was very structured. My DD participates in 90% of the class activities! The class also takes place during a time of day when she isn't tired at all and I think that helps.<br><br>
I was about to give up after the gymnastics experience, but I'm glad that I kept trying. Maybe you will find the right environment for your little one, too!<br><br>
Lara<br><br>
Mommy to Rowan 12/7/01
 

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I should say that I plan on signing up for another Music Together class even though ds didn't participate much during the first session. At the very last class, he actually was dancing and interacting with the teacher. I was floored!<br><br>
I'm a little nervous because the fall semester costs $225, and there are no partial refunds if you drop out halfway or anything like that. I feel like even if he doesn't participate much, he may still be getting something out of it. Especially because he isn't talking yet, so I really do want to continue to expose him to music and singing and rhythm and the like.<br><br>
Anyway, unless she actively hates the class, I would continue going.
 

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My son turned two in july. We started Music Together when he turned one. We did it for one year, only missed maybe two classes due to runny nose...<br><br>
My son ran around, goofed off with people's shoes, climbed over purses, would run up to the teacher than try to go out the door...you get the picture, all the other moms sat there with their children by their sides or at least somewhat near them.<br><br>
I was concerned at first but the teacher said, "don't worry'. He gets it. It is fine.<br><br>
And you know what, she was right. Now a year later he sings the songs and participates much more but more importantly, he loves, loves music. And sings in the car and dances up a storm. If I have tv on he'll even dance to certain commercials.<br><br>
And now he knows a lot of the songs from music together and requests them... for those who know the music... he'll sing, Me, Me, Me all the time.<br><br>
They get it. If she likes running around, so what, you need a place for her to vent anyway so let her be surrounded by music.<br><br>
I say keep going...
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
whew! i'm glad my girl isn't the only one going nuts in public.<br><br>
thanks for the tip on the toys r us costumes. we'd have to get real ballet slippers if we got any though -- this floor is unbelievably slick, so i just let her go barefoot. i think a sparkly leotard would be fun though.<br><br>
we have 6 classes left, so maybe by the end she'll decide to participate. if not, i'll just wait a bit before we try to do that again. i want to get her into all the activities i can now, because we are moving in february to an area with nothing fun for anyone. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"> so at least i can get some ideas from these classes now.
 

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We had our trial dance class and...<br><br>
were asked not to come back.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">:<br><br>
And I quote, "When we say two-year-olds in our brochure we really mean thirty-month-olds."
 

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Discussion Starter · #14 ·
so maybe the brochure should say 2 and a freakin' half????<br><br>
we actually had a breakthrough last week. she participated about half the time!! it was great. she still spent a good bit of time running around and when we were supposed to be gently rolling a plastic egg to each other, she was throwing the equivalent of 40-yard passes. my girl is going to be an athlete!
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dropjaw"> Sounds like all your kids are overscheduled to me!!!. Me and Jordan make our own classes up here at home and we sometimes invite a few friends. He LOVES classical music and waves his arms like a conductor and dances to anything music....even the ice cream man's truck! I think unstructured play is more important than classes at this tender age....they will have more than enough classes to go to soon enough. Plus it encourages creativity to make it up as you go along instead of having an instructor tell you what to do, AND if they're fussy you don't waste money if you stop the activity! We especially like going to the park and just chase eachother around!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
well, i'm not creative or energetic enough to do what you do.<br>
and we're not overscheduled. 45 minutes 3 times week is not too much in the way of group activities.
 

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I agree that 3 times a week for 45 minutes is not too much for group activites. It doesn't sound like Elphaba's daughter is being stress by the activites. She probably loves running around wild!<br><br>
I admit that some of the activies that my DD and I particiipate in are probably more fun for me than for her, but in this relationship Mommy's sanity is very important. I think it is crucial for Moms to meet Moms and classes are a perfect place for this.
 

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Hi, there!<br><br>
I am a dance teacher! Your child is totally normal!!! Every group for me has different dynamics, depending on the mixture of personalities who happened to sign up. If all the other kids are calm and participating in the activities, I tell ya, it's just a fluke. I don't teach two year olds, but I do teach 3 year olds and there are plenty who don't do anything except hold their scarves, run around, and get a stamp at the end. I have 4 different 3 year old classes going on right now, and they are all different. Two of them have a pretty broad spectrum of personalities, one has all quiet kids, and one has all wild kids but one. (I am going to talk to her mother about switching her to another group because the other kids scare her!) I have been teaching in the same center now for 5 years and I have some kids in my older classes who have been taking dance from me since they were 3 or 4. And some of them were ones who either ran around and did whatever they wanted, or sat in the middle of the floor and stared into space. But you know, even though it seemed like they weren't getting anything out of the class, so many times a kid like that would all of a sudden show up one day and decide they wanted to participate, and would show that they had absorbed the information all along, and actually did know what was going on. Some of those kids are awesome dancers now! Parents often ask me if they should continue to bring their child, and if the child says they enjoy the class, I always say yes, no matter how disruptive they may act. Learning how to work together in a group is part of the dance class experience, and I am willing to work with just about any child to gently encourage them to participate. That is my part of my job! The only time I tell the parents that the child isn't ready is if the child just clearly does not want to be there. It kills me how many parents try to force their kids to things they don't want to do. It's supposed to be fun.<br><br>
Of course if you feel you are wasting your money by bringing her, there's nothing wrong with waiting a while before trying dance class again, but if she likes it, I say keep going!<br><br>
Personally, tutus and the like drive me batty, but the kids seem to dig them. I let them wear whatever they want until they are about 6 or so, and then they have to wear a specific color leotard depending on what level they are in. There's something about having special clothes for dance that helps them remember what they are there for. Maybe if you get her some special dance clothes it would help.<br><br>
Good luck!
 

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Hi there,<br><br>
I noticed someone made a "overscheduled' comment that brought a bit of negative reaction. Maybe the word choice looked like a negative remark about other folks' parenting? I can relate though -- I was suddenly feeling inadequate for not having my just turned 2 in a schwack of classes!!<br><br>
It's quite true that 45 minutes 3x a week isn't too much, necessarily. In fact, my daughter has playgroup 2-3x for 2 hour stretches. I don't think she'd handle more structured activities as well, though, hence no gymnastics/dance/music, etc. But we do climb, run, dance and interact with other kids in a more open setting, and it seems to work for her. I took one baby swim class with her when she was smaller, and I found it really stressful that she would want to kick when everyone was supposed to glide, or splash when it was time to kick, and so on. Now, we just enjoy it at her pace!
 

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Discussion Starter · #20 ·
it was definitely taken as a negative comment. the use of the jaw-dropping smiley coupled with the word overscheduled and then the delineation of the at-home activities and their superiority adds up to a negative judgment. i can berate myself really well and don't need anyone else to help me in that arena.<br><br>
i think it's wonderful that moms can provide enriching activities for their toddlers without seeking outside help. i wish that was the case with us. sadly, i have no family here, and i really only have one friend with a similar parenting style who also has a 2-year-old. between work and family commitments, we manage to get together once every week or 2. that's not enough "kid time" for my dd. since i am socially deficient, i have to pay for classes where she can hang with other kids and experience something besides her boring mother.
 
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