[FireFrog]

I have a question regarding the age the judge begins listening to the wishes of the child. I am hoping that one of you will have experience with this.

My DD is 12. She has been involved with theater arts and acting since she was about 4 (we went to Renaissance Faires). Now she does about two or three plays a year and she loves it. Her father has been a big advocate of her being a part of the theater company she participates with, so she is very supported by all of us. So far, so good!

Now the problem -- there is a public magnet high school in our area that specializes in the arts, both fine arts and theater arts. She really wants to go to this school even though it is in a totally different part of town (about 30 minute car ride from both mine and her dad's homes). It is a great school and I think this would be a fantastic opportunity for her. However, her father has said no.

We have joint legal and physical custody. The time she spends at each of our houses is virtually the same. Yet, he thinks that he has the right to veto the idea because his house is the primary residence (for the purposes of establishing where she would attend school as a young child -- we disagreed and the court gave it to him).

So, my daughter feels so strongly about this (she has always had a strong personality and sense of identity, even as a young child). I am willing to go to court to fight for it if need be. I will be speaking to him first, of course, but he has a history of being unwilling to compromise. She has already tried explaining her reasons to him and was shut down by him (her words). He thinks the school she will be attending will have a good enough arts program -- he doesn't understand that this school is an award-winning school that many successful actors and artists have attended (Audra MacDonald has won Tony Awards, for example).

There is no way the school near us would provide a comparable program! I know his real reason is that he will be inconvenienced by the drive -- going out of his way, even for his DD, has always been something he hates.

So my question (after that long explanation -- thanks for hanging on for the whole thing!

) -- in your experience, would a judge listen to a child her age? Would they take her long history of theater arts into consideration? Or would it be a waste of time and money on my part to try?

We would have to get the process going soon, because the application process starts at the beginning of 8th grade and court can take lots of time. I am just not sure if I want to start WWIII over this or not.

Thanks for your responses!

 

[Bethanydear]

Yes, they will listen to a child her age. That never, in any state except Georgia, means the judge will do as she is asking, but they absolutely will interview her in chambers and weight her input heavily beginning at about age 12. If she is well spoken and has a good argument, so much the better.

It sounds as if this is something that is important to her, and to you. Assuming there is nothing dad can dredge up that casts you in a negative light, my best guess would be that this is a court motion that would be taken very seriously and considered carefully- and would probably win. Would you be asking she change her primary residence to you? Or would you ask that Dad take on more responsibilities (are there more costs associated with this school? Is there a heck of a lot more dirving he would have to do?)

 

[sunflowers]

I honestly think that if the child feels strongly about this then you should support her and follow through with a court motion if exH refuses to agree to the school choice.

It wouldn't be a waste of money even if you don't get the decision you want. Your dd will know you did everything possible to "make it happen" and that is not nothing. It is certainly worth a consult with a lawyer to find out how difficult something like this is in your state/province and if the courts have favored requests like your dd's in the past.

FWIW, I find it incredible that her father won't go out of his way for 4 years in order for his daughter to be in such an excellent program. Especially since she's doing all she can so she can be accepted. That's commendable for a young girl/woman!

 

[FireFrog]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bethanydear Assuming there is nothing dad can dredge up that casts you in a negative light, my best guess would be that this is a court motion that would be taken very seriously and considered carefully- and would probably win. Would you be asking she change her primary residence to you? Or would you ask that Dad take on more responsibilities (are there more costs associated with this school? Is there a heck of a lot more dirving he would have to do?)

No, there is nothing negative he can dredge up. Things have been going well between us for the last several years, so that is why this is such a big deal -- there is part of me that doesn't want to rock the boat, iykwim.

As for changing the primary residence to me, I wonder if that is absolutely necessary. It doesn't bother me and it makes him feel like he has control. But i suppose that is why we got to this point, right?

The main thing is that there will be more driving and the school is located in a "bad" part of town (which means older, lower income, much more diversity in terms of ethnicity -- this bothers him, not me).

 

[FireFrog]

Quote:

Originally Posted by sunflowers I honestly think that if the child feels strongly about this then you should support her and follow through with a court motion if exH refuses to agree to the school choice. It wouldn't be a waste of money even if you don't get the decision you want. Your dd will know you did everything possible to "make it happen" and that is not nothing. It is certainly worth a consult with a lawyer to find out how difficult something like this is in your state/province and if the courts have favored requests like your dd's in the past. FWIW, I find it incredible that her father won't go out of his way for 4 years in order for his daughter to be in such an excellent program. Especially since she's doing all she can so she can be accepted. That's commendable for a young girl/woman!

The bolding is mine.

Supporting DD is my primary objective and I think you hit the nail on the head here.

As for her father, he does not feel comfortable thinking outside of the box. The current school district is considered the best in the area and he wants what everyone considers the best. The incredible art school is in a not-so-good district, so he rejects it in part because of the district's image.

DD has such vision and she is a very responsible, determined person. She maintains straight As and has a very busy extracurricular schedule. But most of the time, her father only sees the areas she needs to improve.