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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have been planning a second birth center birth for this baby. The BC that I go to is one where I'm actually on the board, so I have very close relationships with several of the midwives, and I feel very comfortable there. But now I don't know what to do.

When I was having my first baby, there was a midwife on during the first part of my labor who turned out to be awful to work with. She was very medical, very uncomfortable with my long prodromal labor and my extreme pain (posterior babe). She kept pushing us to transfer even though things were medically just fine. It made my labor VERY stressful, and I didn't get into a good labor pattern until she went off shift. I decided to go back to this practice in part because she had stopped doing births there.

But today she called me to talk about a slight concern with my 20-week u/s. She is BACK. The u/s thing is just that my placenta is low, and I have no plan to worry about that at this stage of the game. But I am completely freaked out that she is back with the practice. I KNOW I would panic if she were on call when I went into labor.

But I have a three year old who I don't think would do well at a birth, and we're really isolated where we live. There are very few people she knows well enough for me to leave her with, and nowhere else that would be comfortable for her in the way her home is. That makes me very nervous about having a homebirth. What would I do with her?

I don't know what to do, and I'm feeling really upset.
 

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Could you have a good friend come to your house to watch her in another area of the house while you're in labor? I worried about the same thing (care for my DS), and it turned out fine. They are more resilient than we realize.
 

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Wow, that sounds horrible. My DP was planning on birthing at The Birthplace at Wellesley, but it didn't work out due to a bad situation with some of the midwives. We ended up at the hospital, but for this baby, we are planning a homebirth.

With midwife practices, I really don't like the "you get who you get" approach, there are always people that one prefers over another, and that should be allowed for. Unfortunately you can't just say "I don't want so and so" because that's not the way they work.

Our plan for DS is to have someone that he trusts come to OUR house to make sure that he is being attended to so that DP can focus on me while I'm laboring. Would something like that work for you? Where would she be if you went to the birth center?
 

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nak

i am having a home birth due to a similar situation. what is the current plan for dd with you going to the birth center? Could you modify this to make it work 4 a home birth? i agree with pp that dd might do better than u think. 4 sibling support i like the idea of having someone come to your house (we're doing this for DS who will be 23 months) rather than sending her away. Expose her to images of birth b4hand (DS has seen birth videos and enjoys watching them) and explain what's happening in simple, positive terms (the mama is grunting because she is working very hard to push out the baby, then the 2 of you grunt along with her for fun).
 

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Can you talk to one of the midwives you are close too and see if one of them would be willing to be on call for you? Where no matter who is officially on call when you go into labor...they will agree to come in for you. I've heard of other people having this arrangement with their care providers. I think it would be one thing if you had no experience with her in labor and just didn't click during pre-natals...that happened with my friend and she wound up really liking her during her labor. You've had a negative experience with her and they should understand how important it is for you feel like you are in a safe space when in labor.

Hope they can work with you so you get the birth you want!
 

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We typically do the "you get who you get" situation at our birth center, but in the event when someone feels very strongly about wanting a certain midwife, the desired midwife will make every effort to be at their birth.

If you discuss it with another midwife in the practice, maybe you can work out some sort of similar deal.

Good luck.

Lori
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks. That's my first step-- to talk to the birth center and see if they will agree to have someone else come in for my labor. The stress of this has gotten overwhelming especially as I've realized that my DH is completely and totally freaked out at the thought of paying for a homebirth. I feel stuck and AWFUL.
 
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