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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So the ex calls me and asks if I want the child support check left at his lawyer's office since he's going to be in the area. I told him that if he could be civil, he could bring it to the house. He tells me he's through fighting, so I tell him fine, bring it to the house. He asks to use the bathroom, borrow a pen, writes a check, and leaves. A few hours later I am going to the dollar store and his car is headed the other way on a main road, so he pulls a U-turn and starts following me. I call his cell and ask "why are you following me around town?" He says he wasn't trying to follow me, and he just wants to give me and the babies a present. I told him he could have left it at the house, but if he just has to give it to me he can follow me to the dollar store. (the whole town is about 4 miles across, so not far) He gets out of the car, hands me a cantalope, then tells me to hang on, there's more, and hands me a full size icebox watermelon. Then he says, well, that's it then, and gets in his car and leaves. About 4 hours later, I see him headed back out to the highway, coming away from the direction the house is. I couldn't tell thant anything in the house had been messed with, but he claims to be living in the next major population center north, which is about an hour's drive. He said he was down to check his po box. Which I guess takes 8 hours.

I totally feel like he's exhibiting borderline stalker behavior, not to mention the fruit is just wierd.

He's creeping me out. Am I over-reacting? And if not, what do I do about it?
 

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I think this is definitely something that merits watching.

The fruit seems weird but not in a scary way. Maybe he was just trying to help in his own awkward way. Maybe he was flirting with the girl who was selling the fruit but couldn't eat it so he gave it to the you and the kids. Who knows. My friends mom used to drop off eggs from the farm to her ex-husbands wife (formerly his his mistress) because she thought she would like them. It wasn't creepy or stalkerish, but definitely weird. People make strange peace offerings.

Did you two used to live in this town together? Does he have other friends? Is there any other reason he may still be hanging around? Does he want to get back together with you (this seems like a really awkward and sad attempt to run into you so he can do something nice..you know how boys do....)

I don't know. I wouldn't worry (unless he has been stalkerish or abusive in the past) but would definitely watch and not be scared to ask him whats up.
 

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Discussion Starter · #3 ·
He is/was abusive, and although we lived in the town together, he doesn't have any friends here. I had to file temporary orders to get him out of the house, and we had to have visitation exchanges moved to the police station because of aggressive behavior (shoving past me into the house, yelling, saying he was paying the bills on the ******** place, I couldn't make him leave, I was just a whiny little ******* for calling the cops, etc.)

The trying to be nice so he can get he back would be about his speed. He tried to file kidnapping charges when he was served with divorce papers, since I had taken my kids with me to a safe house while he was served, and said on the phone "This is me telling you it's over". . . then spent the next few weeks promising to go to counsel ling, therapy, telling me he was going to change, etc. if I would just let him back in the house so we could "work it out". Oh, and "talk about it". I'm a little concerned that he is going to go berserk when he realizes that his peace offerings aren't going to get him anywhere.

He doesn't have any friends down here. He decided about 6 months after we bought the house that he hates it here, so all of his socializing and such was going to happen in the city. His lawyer is here, and he does have the PO box, but really there isn't any reason for him to be in town unless he's got a drug dealer or lover or something I don't know about going on. Then again, he did take out a loan against the 401k and open two bank accounts after he was served, so I dunno.
 

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The fruit - maybe someone gave it to him and he didn't have room in his fridge? Or it was buy one, get one free or something, and he was just trying to unload it so he thought he would make himself look good by giving it to his kids?
 

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Well, if he has been violent in the past I wold be concerned then.
 

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Totally creepy/stalkery!

Not the point of the post but when you said the whole town was 4 miles across I laughed and thought, "That sounds like when I lived in Tulsa." and had a 5-second moment remembering how you could get from one end of town to the other in almost no time, compared to Dallas where it takes the same amount of time to get halfway through the east part of Dallas itself. Then I saw that your profile says Tulsa and I couldn't help but laugh.

Anyway, I'd be a little weirded out. The fruit thing....wtf. Really, what the hell is that about? Sounds like he didn't have a plan so he just gave whatever was there. That is seriously one of the strangest things I've heard.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
okay, so I'm not the only one. He seems to have a really hard time understanding what is going on. The day I had to call the cops to get him removed from the house, he called one of my friends and told her that he felt like he and I were still friends. Cause you know, I call the cops on my friends twice a month.
 

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the moment i read "He asks to use the bathroom, borrow a pen, writes a check, and leaves" i shuddered and thought, "he's checking out her place." he could have had that check already written. the fact that he can drop it at the lawyer's office is something he shouldn't even be calling you and asking you to change. that is a system of protection for you and yours and he should be willing to respect that. i don't want to sound scary myself, it's just that some ex-partners will take even the teeny-tiniest little concession on your part as a big huge step in their heads. they feel a "sense of entitlement" about you and their kids, so calling you can turn into dropping off a check inside your house, which can easily turn into following you around town, which can turn into ...?

it doesn't really matter why he gave you fruit, or why you saw his car around later. trust your gut feelings! what matters is he's been violent towards you in the past, and has lied to others about it. it's up to you to enforce whatever protections you have, otherwise he can use the excuse "but she let me in the house" if you ever need to call for help again. i made that mistake and i am still regretting it 5 years later.
 

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Quote:
Originally Posted by tinahiggins View Post

I had to file temporary orders to get him out of the house, and we had to have visitation exchanges moved to the police station because of aggressive behavior. He tried to file kidnapping charges when he was served with divorce papers, since I had taken my kids with me to a safe house while he was served, and said on the phone "This is me telling you it's over". I'm a little concerned that he is going to go berserk when he realizes that his peace offerings aren't going to get him anywhere.
Then the answer should be "yes you can drop it by the lawyers office" instead of "you can come by the house instead"?
 
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