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Discussion Starter #1
I'm not going to go into my huge (and likely boring) story here just yet, but i was wondering if anyone else has had to deal with cross border/multi-country separations/divorces/custody/etc.?<br><br>
While i am not ready myself to go forward and file anything, i have done a small amount of checking (in case i need a lawyer quickly, though i doubt H will ever actually file anything on his own) and have discovered that (and i quote) "noone would touch your case with a 20 foot poll Ma'am. I cannot continue speaking with you. Good Day."<br><br>
Please tell me i'm not in MORE trouble now that DS and i are somewhere (i thought) safe!?
 

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I can't say that I have. Are you the one that moved into another country or did he? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Discussion Starter #3
I returned to my home country. He still resides in his home country, where i was a legal immigrant, and we lived for 5 years. DS was born there, but is a legal citizen of both countries.
 

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Please feel free to PM me. I've been through a two-country divorce.<br><br>
My daughter and I now live in my home country after my divorce from her father who still lives in his home country, where I was a legal resident for 15+ years and where our daughter was born.<br><br>
You need to look for a lawyer with experience with Hague Convention cases and issues. It is, as I understand it, a very specialized field.<br><br>
This lawyer's site has links to some general articles on the subject that were a good starting point for me: <a href="http://www.international-divorce.com/" target="_blank">http://www.international-divorce.com/</a><br><br>
One thing that is very important is whether your H consented to your moving with your son (and if you can prove his consent). If that is indeed the case (he agreed before you moved, knows where you are now, and you can prove he consented), you are probably not in more trouble now. That doesn't mean he can't make things difficult, but if you can prove he gave his consent, you should eventually be OK. BUT don't count on my word--I'm not a lawyer.<br><br>
Again, feel free to PM me if you want.
 

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Discussion Starter #5
Proof that he knew we were MOVING?<br><br>
Because i have a letter stating that i am allowed to travel to my home country with my son. It's very vague and doesn't say anything about returning. This letter i learned, was required by my home country in order to enter, but his home country could care less where i went with DS, as we are still married, and there is no custody agreement.<br><br>
I also have obvious proof over the past 2 years, 2 visits from him, and a minimum of 2 phonecalls a day, EVERY day, as well as frequent text messages and emails, that he is quite aware of where we are living, and what we are doing.<br><br>
Thanks so much for the link! I don't want to do anything lawyer wise until i HAVE to though. If i can just keep things the way they are forever, i'd be fine. Sure we're living on some government assistance, but that's better than what was going on before. And at least this way i don't have a judge telling me that my son must go to another country, without me, and be anywhere near the teenage wenchface (or his father, for that matter.)<br><br>
I'd still like to hear if anyone else has international experience, and how it worked for you. Ione when i get a chance here at work i'll PM you. Thanks again!
 

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My international divorce was easy, breezy and contained NO glitches. I am one of the VERY, VERY few lucky ones.<br><br>
What worked in my benefit was that ds was only a year when I decided to return to the US and my X didn't contest or argue with my decision. Granted, 3 lawyers also told him that he had less than a 1% chance of winning such a case, even if he did contest my decision. Ultimately, though, he knew it was best for both ds and I.<br><br>
I received my divorce papers, granting me COMPLETE custody, the day before our flight to return to the US.<br><br>
But, as I said, I had it incredibly easy.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>ButterflyStarburst</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7960394"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't want to do anything lawyer wise until i HAVE to though. If i can just keep things the way they are forever, i'd be fine. Sure we're living on some government assistance, but that's better than what was going on before. And at least this way i don't have a judge telling me that my son must go to another country, without me, and be anywhere near the teenage wenchface (or his father, for that matter.)<br></div>
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Ione is right...find a lawyer that is well versed in the Hague Conventions, in regards to child custody. Although you don't want to pursue the issue, I strongly, strongly suggest you get some information and be prepared. Schedule an informal consultation with a lawyer. Do some research.<br><br>
You do not want to be caught off guard in this sort of situation. These kinds of situations can change in a heartbeat and without any warning. You need to be educated and prepared for any likelihood.
 

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subbing for info...I am in the same situation...but I did see a lawyer a little while ago and she suggested this letter from my ex stating that he gave consent to our move, the specific dates of our separation and that he was in consistant contact with us while we lived here and knew our contact information. I got this from him (referred to it as necessary to travel back across the border to come visit him). It is notarized by both someone where he is and from my lawyer here. I think this is a great piece of paper to have, and my lawyer will work with me on this case, said she had no issues with it. I just don't have to money to get rolling on it yet.<br><br>
My story...hope it helps in some way...
 

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DD and I are Canadian but we are living in the US. Her father, who I was never married to, lives in Canada. He gave me some trouble when we moved here by serving me papers the weekend that we were leaving stating that I could not leave the country with her.... I came anyways..... I have a good lawyer! He also showed up at my house one night because I called to let him know that dd did not feel good and did not want to go with him. He drove two hrs to get her after I had called and showed up at our home with the police. He soon found out that the police were not going to enforce a legal document from another country.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Discussion Starter #11
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Holland73</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7972730"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Ione is right...find a lawyer that is well versed in the Hague Conventions, in regards to child custody. Although you don't want to pursue the issue, I strongly, strongly suggest you get some information and be prepared. Schedule an informal consultation with a lawyer. Do some research.<br><br>
You do not want to be caught off guard in this sort of situation. These kinds of situations can change in a heartbeat and without any warning. You need to be educated and prepared for any likelihood.</div>
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That's why i'm asking around a bit. You see, i've *tried* to find a lawyer who will talk to me. But to no avail. Noone in my town will talk to me for longer than 3 seconds when they find out DS was born in another country, and H still resides there. Perhaps i could find one that would tell me i'm out of luck, but i'd have to up front pay them a couple hundred dollars. Which, in case noone noticed, the single mother living with her parents and 3 younger brothers getting no assistance from H cannot afford!<br><br>
The immigration people did tell me that as DS has now lived here longer than he lived in the other country, anything custody wise would be settled in my country, and if H wanted to do anything about it, he would have to come here and file in these courts. Soon i should be eligible to file for divorce here as well, if i wanted.<br><br>
Before i left i had a deputy from the Sheriff's department tell me that unless i wanted to be stuck there for months/years and have little control over the proceedings, i was better off *not* to file there, and to get out as quickly as i could, before H filed anything. Because if something was filed i would have to stay there, specifically that place, until it was completely settled. Which i don't see possibly happening, since neither he, nor i, could afford those costs.<br><br>
I'm trying to do what i can to be covered, and have made visits to DS open. However H believes it's my turn to go down there, and i do my best to deflect it (i don't get paid vacation days, 'nor did i have a permanent reliable job until this past week, as i was working as a temp) but the truth is i will never willingly bring DS down there, until all H's stupidity is dealt with, and i know i can control everything.<br><br>
Anyway. Thank you all for chiming in.
 

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Yes, I would avoid going there with or without your DS until things are settled officially in court wherever you are now.<br><br>
What you may be able to do, if your H is willing, is to get the divorce and custody paperwork ready *here* and have him review and sign it on his next visit and file it together.<br><br>
How old is your son? Is he in school? (My understanding is that school enrollment also weighs in favor of the court of jurisdiction being the one where he lives, in addition to length of residency, language proficiency, extended family, etc.)
 

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Discussion Starter #13
If my H is willing. Agreeable. HA.<br><br>
No, see, there is no talk (between us, though i know he reassures wenchface all the time that we are) about getting a divorce. He tells me he doesn't want one, and therefore we don't discuss it. I'm not interested in drawing up the papers, 'nor paying for a penny of it.<br><br>
DS is only 2 (and a little bit.). So no schooling yet. However he no longer has any idea who his extended family is. He talks to his grandparents, and his father, on the phone. But even though H was here for DS's 2 birthday party, i doubt he remembers him. I do my part, i show him pictures and every night we talk to H.<br><br>
I'd like to just go on living like this and basically all but forget about H. Sometimes i dream about changing both of our names to my maiden name. But other than that, and the no support thing, i do my best not to let stupid H and his stupidwenchface and their poor child have any impact in our daily lives.<br><br>
But i want to make sure that as noted, if something crazy were to happen, i am safe.
 
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