[beebalmmama]

Ds (2 yrs) has been in a childcare center part time for just over a month now. He seemed to be adjusting really well. He is pretty shy/quiet/observant and we were worried about the transition. He was doing well until we recently spent two stressful weeks moving. He had a really bad day last week at daycare, just after the move, crying all day and slept for two hours. I was in contact with one of the teachers all day. as they were trying to help him. He didn't want their comfort except after a while he calmed down when being held, but was upset again when put down.

After the weekend he went back yesterday and apparently was crying a bit yesterday morning (although not sobbing like the week prior(this is coming from the care provider). Today dh dropped him off and ds was weepy again and the teacher said flippantly/casually, "it's nothing unusual" (this is how dh took it). Now we're wondering if she meant he's always been crying before these two weeks. I'm not sure how to take their version of "He had a good day today". I assumed that meant no crying, participating, etc. I know he's still been watching a lot and not talking.

We've explained the stressful situation we've been in to the director and his teachers and we'd hoped they'd be understanding and to help him transition. I've never felt his teacher was a very loving/nurturing person from observation (but she has been there for 12 yrs or so, part of the reason we chose the center. It has a long standing history, owned locally and multi generation, and teachers who have been there for 5+ years. The teacher in the adjacent/joint classroom is very sweet, fun, etc and ds seems more taken with her, but she's not his primary teacher.

I realize they have many kids in the classroom. The ratio is quite high for my liking 9:1, but most places here are that or worse. What kind of care or support would you expect from the care provider for a crying/inconsolable toddler? I dont' want to give up on the place too soon, but want ds to be in a place where he can adjust well. Do you think he just needs more time?

 

[Evan&Anna's_Mom]

I would assume the teacher meant that toddler's crying at drop off and/or crying at daycare when having a stressful time at home is not unusual. Both of my kids have gone through crying at daycare/preschool jags off and on. From the teacher's perspective, I'm sure she sees it all the time, thus it's "nothing unusual".

Now, what they are doing about it is a different story. You might want to ask some very specific questions about what "a good day" means. And what they are doing during the day to comfort him. If DDs preschool (she started at 2 1/2 and we went through a couple of months of crying fits in the AM), they would hold any child that needed it. Since there were always 2 teachers in the room, one could hold even while the class was doing art or whatever needed a "hands on" teacher as well. One of the reasons I like her school is because their setup lets them be really comforting when necessary.

I will say that we saw times when it took more than a month for the morning crying to end. I always knew that she calmed down soon after I left and that she was held while she cried, which was enough for me. The few days when it went longer than that or reoccured during the day were always transition times, either at home or at school. So you probably need to give him more time to re-settle, maybe a lot more time. But during that time, he should be cared for by the teachers and you need to feel comfortable that this is happening.

Changing centers is stressful too, so that isn't a step I'd take with the assumption it would solve things. Likely it would make it worse unless there is really something wrong at the current center.

 

[beebalmmama]

Thanks, I think I needed verification that this was somewhat normal. I don't want to think he is in a care setting which isn't loving. It's kind of tough to tell because care givers are so used to seeing it that their reaction or explanation to crying seems so off hand compared to how a parent feels when seeing their child cry/upset. Plus his teacher does not seem to be very socially inclined, which may be why she works with children and not adults (I see this at my dh's elementary school all the time with teachers). I have seen her tell other children to "stop crying and go sit down". I understand that she may have already recognized which/when the children are truly upset and when they are seeking attention/tantrums. But it makes me wonder how ds is being reacted/responded to when he's crying.