Mothering Forum banner

1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
6,783 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
How do you teach your kids to be thankful and grateful for what they have (and not just material things)? I don't want my boys to be like so many children I know that are not thankful for anything. My niece for example is truely spoiled (I don't use that word lightly) and shows no thanks. She actually expects things and throws fits of she doesn't get them. She is 9 but throws tantrums like my 20m old. I see a lot of kids this way.<br><br>
When my 4 yr old starts whining that he doesn't have anything, never gets anything ever ever...I get pissed. It's not just material things either. I just spent two hours playing with him one on one...no interruptions while his little brother napped. Then I started cleaning the kitchen so that I can cook dinner later. I told him he could help me or read or color. He wanted to play with his ball and wanted me to play with him. I told him not now because I needed to clean the kitchen. He falls to the floor, whining that I never play with and never do anything with him. <i>I just got finished playing for TWO hours with him!</i> I mean sometimes you just have to clean the kitchen because there are no more clean dishes and no more counter space. I let housework slide everyday but sometimes you HAVE to do chores. I became so angry with my DS as he was on the floor saying I never do anything with him. I know I shouldn't be angry and that he just wants to be with me....but I'm human and I can only do so much. I can't do what he wants 24/7 like he wants me too. So I get angry when he whines about me never playing with him.<br><br>
I've read Playful Parenting about a child's cup needing to be refilled but it honestly seems like my child's cup is never full! No matter how much attention I give him or how long I play with him it's not enough. It's exhausting and frustrating.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,756 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
This is hard. I often feel this way about my older daughter. Some days, there is just no way I can give her enough. I read a post once that said Playful Parenting book said that for some kids 20 minuets of play <i>a week</i> was enough to fill their cup! That made me laugh!!<br><br>
This morning I wrestled with my dd for 20 mins. She loves it. I hate it. But, I did it. Still, it wasn't enough and her behavior was really angry toward me.<br><br>
I get very upset when she asks greedy or does not appreciate what she has. But, I've decided it is most likely the way the 5 years act and think. So, I try to ignore it.<br><br>
Sorry no real ideas for you. My daughter seems to have good times and bad, so perhaps it is developmental. I read about kids who will play by themselves for hours, but I have to come to peace with the fact that my daughter will most likely never do that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,163 Posts
I wonder if this is an "oldest" thing. LOL My oldest daughter would do this. I swear she would behave much much worse after I set aside time to play with her or do something special with her. It would make me not want to do things for and with her, after all she didnt behave that bad at other times. It was super frustrating for me.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
8,864 Posts
My oldest does this too, she'll be 7 in a couple of weeks. She'll say we never let her do anything, never let her get her own way and her most recent was "Nothing ever goes right in this house". She wasn't in the room with the last one so we cracked up laughing, it was over her not getting 13pieces of steak. I had dh cut up the 5 pieces(why he only gave her 5 is beyond me) into 13. After she counted them she was satisfied.<br><br>
Usually I remind her of the things we do(that she's complaining we don't do) and that usually stops her, but she's older than 4. Giving her special things that her sisters don't get to do because they're younger helps too. So does making sure her blood sugar is not dropped and considering whether she's tired thus complaining for the sake of complaining.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,176 Posts
My DD tends to be like this- although I notice that it is always worse when she is going through a big developmental or growth spurt. When she was four it was the worst- we could even take her to do something special and the only thing she would talk about is how she stubbed her toe on the path. It eased up a bit toward the end of the summer though- but she also grew several inches and gained a bunch of ground with her motorskills. As someone else mentioned- she also tends to get grumpy and negative when she is hungry, and I suspect low blood sugar. To some extent I also think it is a control thing- she sees that her attitude affects people and she is at that age where she is experimenting with that type of stuff. In general we try to ignore her negativity when she is especially so and we focus on modeling positive attitudes and cooperation. Other times we will acknowledge it and try to work past it- but it really depends on the circumstance. Sometimes we try to point out in a non-judgemental type of way, how her negativity impacts her- she should know that when she isn’t appreciative people don’t want to go out of their way to do nice or special things for her. Her attitude and behavior then become her choice.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,359 Posts
Heh. I am SO with you! My son does the same thing and it drives me batty. If we can't go to the park one day he is flopping everywhere yelling "We NEVER go to the park!" even if we went yesterday. Everything that he doesn't get or can't do he is yelling "We NEVER get to do ANYTHING!" like we spend everyday sitting on the bed staring at the wall.<br><br>
He's started sizing up what his sister gets compared to him, as well. Heis very aware of fairness all of a sudden and would actually usually like to get something better than his sister, if she gets anything at all! It can be very frustrating but I see it as an age thing.<br><br>
Usually, if he starts in on his "We never get ANYTHING!" tantrum, I might point out that he DID in fact, go to the park yesterday. Or I might ask him when the last time we went to the park was. Then he stops to think and wil say "Yesterday!". It doesn't usually diffuse the situation, he still whines, but it got him thinking about it. For receiving things, if he isn't happy with it and whines about it not being EXACTLY what he wanted, well, I usually offer to take it away then, since he obviously doesn't like it or want to have it. He changes his attitude pretty quickly then and will find things he likes about it!<br><br>
He's very good at entertaining himself, so I don't have too many instances of him wanting to play with me. He plays with his sister pretty well, too, so that saves me when I need to get things done. Otherwise, if he wanted me to play and I couldn't anymore, I would do what you did- give him the option of helping you. If he chose not to, I would let him know that we had fun playing and could play later, but I needed to cook dinner, etc right now. That would be the end of it for me. I would go on with what I was doing. My son would realize pretty quickly I wasn't able to play and would find something else to do (happily). <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Good luck. I can't wait until he gets out of this stage! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,628 Posts
We are experiencing this with my older ds as well - it started about a year ago (our family Thanksgiving vacation to visit my brother and sil is forever marked in my mind as when it started...) and it drives me bonkers. It seems to be mostly "stuff" driven with him which makes me pretty crazy as a pretty stuff-free hippy mama...dh and I joke (but sort of secretly worry) that he is a little Alex P. Keaton <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br>
BJ<br>
Barney & Ben
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top