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I hope it's okay if I jump in on this one.

I have an 11 y/o son that is cut and my 3 y/o and 2 month old DS's are intact. When DS2 was born DS1 was 8 and we had decided years earlier that we would never circ again if we ever had another boy (we had two DD's between DS1 and DS2). When we found out that #4 was going to be a boy we sat down and had a very honest talk with DS1 about circ and what it is, why some people do it, why we chose to have him circ'd (misinformation and lack of knowledge being the biggest reasons), and why exactly we were chosing NOT to circ his new brother. DS1 is a very smart boy and very scientific about everything so he was easily able to understand and accept our explanation about it all. After our conversation was over he said to us "I'm glad you decided not to circumcise my new brother." I'm so proud of that kid
At this point DS1 has seen the difference but never really cared as far as I can tell. I've talked to him about his body image and he's happy with his body and says he's fine with how he is (even if I sometimes feel guilt about it!). We have worked very hard to foster high self esteem and positive body image in all of our kids so I'm glad that DS1 is happy with how he is while still being able to appreciate that circ is unnecessary. I think at this point his attitude is "it works and that's fine with me." As we always tell our kids what's important is the kind of person you are, not the state of your penis, what you do with it, or anything else that's superficial... what matters is your heart.

Now I understand that your son is a lot younger than my son was but I think that with a child his age you really don't have to get into it just yet. He's little and he's going to be more accepting of differences at his age most likely. To little kids everyone seems so different in so many different ways that a penis is just one more thing... some people have blue eyes, some brown, some people have blond hair and some black, some people have light skin some people dark, some people wear glasses and others don't, some people have big ears and some small... it's just another one to add to the list for them I think. When he's older I would just tell him the facts, that you did what you THOUGHT at the time was the best thing and that you love him and only wanted the best BUT that over time you learned that maybe that wasn't the best thing so you changed. Back in the "old days" they didn't use carseats or seatbelts and now we do because we know it's safer. So we used to think that circ was best but now we have learned more and found out that it's not so we changed what we do. You don't have to say that one is better than the other but just "this is how you are and this is how he is" just like you might say "well you have beautiful brown eyes and your brother has beautiful blue eyes" without any inference that one is somehow "better" but still communicating that intact *is* more natural and how they were made.

So now in our family we have two cut (DH & DS1) and two intact (DS's 2 & 3) and it's just totally not an issue. I have a DS with hazel eyes, one with brown eyes, a DD with blue eyes and one with brown (who knows about the new baby yet!). One DD is very tall and lanky the other one is very petitte. One DS is on the smaller side for his age and the other is square in the average category. They're all different and we LOVE the differences in our kids. Yeah, I have wished we never circ'd our first DS but I remind myself that he's a smart, happy, loving, wonderful kid and the state of his penis has nothing to do with that


Sorry this got so long. I have never understood the people that say "we did the first one so we're doing this one too." That's like saying "Well, I drank during my first pregnancy and my child was born with FAS so I'm going to do it again this time so s/he won't be different." It just makes no sense.

~ Patti
mom of 5
 
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