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I agree with everyone above. Circumcising to look like Dad is far, far more about the insecurities and comfort of the Dad than for the son. You would be amazed how many men don't have any idea if their Dads are circumcised or not. If it were such a major issue, every man would know his Dad's circumcision status.

As far as his brother goes, that may be a little more different but many years from now. That is because this issue is becoming more and more public. It is doing so at breakneck speed and sometime down the road, you may have to explain to him. You just tell him that you did what you were told to do and what was normal for his time. That's the truth. All he will have to do is look around to confirm it. While he may have regrets, it is highly doubtful that he will feel ill towards you.

Frank
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by mindycat72
Thank you for this Frank. I struggle with the fact that my two older boys are circ'd, while my youngest is not. This was a case of doing what I thought was best, but learning later that it was not
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It is nice to hear a man's perspective on this, as I worry every day that my precious boys will be upset with me.

OK, here's a true confession. From the time I learned what happened to me in my early teens that made me different from some of my friends, I carried great resentment of my parents for doing it to me. I knew there was something irrational about that resentment and I kept it deeply buried in my subconscious most of the time. My parents never knew about it because you just didn't talk about those things back then. Fast forward to the near present. My Dad died in 1998 and carried his part of the story to the grave. I didn't like my Dad very much and he was not a nice man. I have no idea how much this issue affected me and our relationship but it had at least some effect. My Mom died two years later, about the time I first discovered this issue on the internet. She took her part of it to the grave too because There was only a few days from my discovery to her death. My Mom was not one of those warm loving Moms like June Cleaver and my mind made a connection between my circumcision and my dislike of her at times. She really was a good mother but a bit remote and a lot controlling. Somehow, there was a connection in all of this and my circumcision.

After I started learning about all of this, I learned that my Dad was the only one of 7 brothers who was circumcised. Clearly, he was familiar with the intact penis. I also learned that both of my Grandfathers were intact. My mind was racing wondering why my Dad was the first in our family to be circumcised and why I was the second. None of it made sense to me until I found some information on my paternal grandmother. Then it all made sense! But that still left the question of why I was done when there had only been a single other man in our family that had been done. Couldn't my father see that all 6 of his brothers were just fine? Was it some arrogance on his part? He was a very arrogant and vain man.

Then, I spoke with my uncle about circumcision and he became very, very angry. It turns out that my cousin who was birthed in the same hospital and by the same doctor was circumcised against his instructions. Not only did the doctor not ask, he went against my Aunt and Uncle's specific instructions that my cousin not be circumcised. Suddenly, it became much clearer. Not only that, but, another cousin born about 11 years after me was also circumcisied against my Aunt and Uncle's specific instructions. I can only conclude that that was the case with me as well. Now, I no longer blame it on my parents, but on the doctor who did it to me. Unfortunately, that doctor is long dead or there would have been a very angry confrontation between the two of us. His son still lives in my hometown but instead of being a doctor, he is a teacher. I saw him a couple of years ago and there was a hatred that was rekindled. I remember having this same hatred many years ago when I was in high school. It is totally illogical and unreasonable as I suspect he is a victim as well but I just can't help it.

Don't let your circumcised sons go through this. When they are age appropriate, offer to discuss the issue with them and make sure they don't pass along a tradition of genital mutilation to your grandsons. With an appropriate explanation, they will understand and they will not hold it against you. Letting their minds wander around trying to find an explanation on their own can bring them to some very wrong conclusions.

Frank
 
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