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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My dh will take care of our baby (almost 13 months old) if I want to do something like take a shower or blow dry my hair. Sometimes baby cries and cries and just wants me but I only need 5 or 10 minutes to finish. Dad will keep him, take him in another room, try to distract him, play with him but he continues to cry until I come and get him.<br><br>
I'm worried about 2 things. 1st, I'm worried that ds will think I don't want him. 2nd, I'm worried he'll think Dad is the bad guy who keeps him from Mom. Would you stop whatever you were doing right in the middle and get baby or would you finish up quickly and then take him?
 

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I would encourage ds to feel comfortable with dad. It is actually good that he experiences that his dad also can take care of his needs. It will strengthen their relationship if you give your DH time for learning how to comfort DS.
 

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If my DH was taking care of DS, I'd go ahead and finish up. He's in the care of a loving parent, and I'm a better mother when I can occasionally take a hot shower.
 

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By all means, finish what you are doing. It will encourage DS and DH both to develop their own unique ways of interacting and bonding.<br><br>
And don't forget to tell DH you appreciate his efforts - it's not easy feeling like the "bad guy" and not being able to figure out what to do to make it better. Give it some time, and you will be hearing them laughing together.
 

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My DH went through that too, when DS was tiny. I didn;t know about a lot of it, but in the early weeks he'd walk DS for an hour so so to let me sleep. He stopped walking, DS started crying.<br>
It was hard work, but DH found the first ways to settle the baby.<br><br>
Now, DH is the nighttime king. If DS doesn;t fall asleep nursing, he gets daddy time. And it's sweey, sometimes that's all he wanted. Gets into dad's arms, a big smile, a big sigh, and sleep.
 

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I agree with the PPs. I think it's common that "Daddy Time" starts out being stressful for everyone but ends up becoming really rewarding.
 

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I too agree with pp's...With dd1 I couldn't stand to hear her cry and since she always cried with dh she was always with me. It took a long time for them to bond and I was exhausted. With ds1 and 2 I have accepted that it is ok for them to cry a bit in the arms of someone who loves them who is actively trying to settle them. The end result for us was a more confident daddy with an earlier stronger bond with our kids.
 

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I can't stand for my daughter to cry and I don't want her and her father getting off to a bad start, so I wait until she's asleep and then hand her off to him. As long as she's being rocked and comforted, she doesn't wake up and doesn't know the difference.<br><br>
My favorite time to take my showers is in the evening when she's totally passed out. I can leave her in bed with daddy and take a nice long hot shower before going to bed. She won't wake up, so it's the only special "ME" time that I have.
 

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Aili has always been a "Daddy's girl," but what has worked when she was nervous about leaving me is to sit very near her and dh until she was just relaxed and then let dh hold her. I could then leave and she barely noticed.<br><br>
One other thing to consider is a favorite toy or book of ds. Maybe have that be special time with dh. Only he would read that book to ds or play with that toy with him. I agree with pp's advice to let dh continue to take care of him, otherwise you run the risk of dh feeling like he is incapable of caring for your son.
 

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I usually tried to finish up within a minute or so (like getting shampoo out of my hair). I figured plenty of time for dh to bond with dd at other times. I also noticed that night times tend to be more mommy-intensive when they are young so we tried to avoid hand-offs at night.
 

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I often wonder the same thing as the OP. I know that if I go and "rescue" ds he'll be happy/stop crying, but what about me? I've gotten to the point, now that ds is 11 months old, that I do let him cry with DP, because frankly he cries with me too. When ds and I are alone during the day, there are times when he is fussy or crying and I do what I can to help him out, so it makes sense to me that there would be times with DP that he would be crying and fussy and I need to do other things sometimes.<br><br>
I find getting DP to do snacks often helps, but my lo LOVES to eat. Yesterday they watched Signing Times and ate blueberries so I could do something else.
 

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We had this issue for a while too. I kind of did a happy medium. I went ahead and finished up what I really needed to do - like 10 minutes for a shower or whatnot - but went to get her if she was still crying at that point. I did feel bad about the crying in the meantime, but... she was safe, fed, dry, with a loving parent that she sees every day comforting her, so I didn't feel like it was terrible either. And I mean, I HAD to shower before work.<br><br>
In time I think she got used to our routine - 20 minutes of Daddy time in the morning while Mommy pumps/showers - and got comfortable with it. Now at 13 months she is usually happy to go to him.
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>cotopaxi</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11630855"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I went ahead and finished up what I really needed to do - like 10 minutes for a shower or whatnot - but went to get her if she was still crying at that point.</div>
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This is what I've been doing. I feel bad, though, when ds is really crying and actively trying to get to me and dh is purposely keeping him away so I can finish up. KWIM?<br><br>
DS doesn't usually have a hard time being with Dad. He loves being with Dad. For example, right now both ds and I are sick with some stomach thing. DS was up all night fussing and squirming and pooping and vomited once very early this morning. He has been lethargic and clingy all day so far. He just fell asleep peacefully in dh's arms. There are just certain times, like when he's getting tired and ready for a nap (which always seems to be right when I'm ready to take a shower but I don't always recognize it before I get in the shower), that he just wants me. I can recognize his cry that says he just wants Mommy but dh can't so I'll go get him. As soon as I get him at those times he's fine.
 

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eventually they will start to get along great. my DD never wanted DH when she was little, only me. but i would feed her then hand her to him and tell him im going to take a shower. she would cry for a while or the whole times. i felt sad and so did he. i would turn on the radio in the bathroom and remind myself that she was with her daddy. now at 14 mo old they are best friends. they play together and fall asleep together. they needed to bond too.
 

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I finish what I am doing. It was rough for a few weeks, but now ds goes to dh without problems as long as he is not tired or hungry. He won't go to anyone else, though.
 

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OP, it may be the age. DD is going through this right now too and she's almost 13 MO. She screams if I need to use the bathroom. She screams if I go outside to get the mail. She screams if I take a shower. It doesn't seem to matter what DH does to try to calm her down, she just wants mamma. I read somewhere that babies go through separation anxiety from about 12-18 months, so I'm not surprised that she's become so clingy in the past week or so. Right now, I'm trying to limit my time away from her. But I do have to take a shower, KWIM?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>spmamma</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11632398"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">OP, it may be the age. DD is going through this right now too and she's almost 13 MO. She screams if I need to use the bathroom. She screams if I go outside to get the mail. She screams if I take a shower. It doesn't seem to matter what DH does to try to calm her down, she just wants mamma. I read somewhere that babies go through separation anxiety from about 12-18 months, so I'm not surprised that she's become so clingy in the past week or so. Right now, I'm trying to limit my time away from her. But I do have to take a shower, KWIM?</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
My dd is also 13 months. I have the same thing going on as the above poster. DD's dad came over last night and she loves her daddy! But last night, she didn't want anything to do with him. I gave him her cup of water. She took it from him and gave it to me. If he tried to touch her cup of water, she threw a screaming fit--she only wanted to share with mommy!<br><br>
OP, can your babe stay with you in the bathroom? It sounds like your babe wants you. There's nothing wrong with that. As a single mama...I don't have a partner to help, so my LO follows me everywhere. She climbs in the shower with me, splashes in the water. She stays in the shower and splashes while I get out, dried, dressed, etc. Then it's her turn. Maybe you could try that to help your LO.<br><br>
Yes, your LO needs to have comfort from your DH...but if babe is crying for mama, he needs his mama. I would try to accomodate as best as possible, in the best interest of the babe. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies//2cents.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="2 cents">:
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LionessMom</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11631578"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">eventually they will start to get along great.</div>
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They already get along great. This doesn't happen all the time.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>spmamma</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I read somewhere that babies go through separation anxiety from about 12-18 months</div>
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I read it starts at around 9 months but, yeah, that's a good point.<br><br>
I think I'll try my best not to do things at the wrong times. If I do end up in the middle of a shower or something and ds just wants me, I finish up as quickly as possible and get him. Thanks everyone.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MayBaby2007</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11632452"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">OP, can your babe stay with you in the bathroom? It sounds like your babe wants you. There's nothing wrong with that. As a single mama...I don't have a partner to help, so my LO follows me everywhere. She climbs in the shower with me, splashes in the water. She stays in the shower and splashes while I get out, dried, dressed, etc. Then it's her turn. Maybe you could try that to help your LO.</div>
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This is what I normally do during the week when my dh has to go to work. It's only on the weekends or the occasional night that I try to get a shower by myself. Normally, I have 2 LOs in the shower with me. I have baby sit on my lap while I blow-dry my hair and fix my face (if I do that). I don't mind doing that but it's nice to be able to take a really hot shower by myself sometimes.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MarineWife</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11632562"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">This is what I normally do during the week when my dh has to go to work. It's only on the weekends or the occasional night that I try to get a shower by myself. Normally, I have 2 LOs in the shower with me. I have baby sit on my lap while I blow-dry my hair and fix my face (if I do that). I don't mind doing that but it's nice to be able to take a really hot shower by myself sometimes.</div>
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Well, then....if you're able to catch a break at times, DO IT!! Once/twice per week isn't going to emotionally damage your LO's!<br><br>
Can your DH take the kids outside to play while your in the shower? If yours like being outside as much as mine...you won't hear a peep out of them <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">.<br><br>
If not, shut the bathroom door and blast your favorite CD and take advantage of your kid-free shower experience <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> You deserve it mama.
 
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