My 11 mo DS is a frequent waker, between 3-6 times a night. We co-slept exclusively until DS was almost 6 months old, when we got a crib and attempted to transition him into it for part of the night in order to allow us a little time together. We also wanted to get DS more comfortable with father-care and comforting because it was very stressful for both of us for DH to feel like he could not comfort his baby.<br><br>
Now almost 6 months later the situation is basically the same. DS will occasionally sleep 1 or very rarely 2 hours in the crib but mostly needs to sleep in our bed and will wake if I am not there. So DH and I have very little time alone, and this is really taking a toll on our relationship. He is getting frustrated with our choices. He hears about all the babies in less attachment-oriented families who are sleeping all night and have been for months. Despite incredible patience and effort on his part, he is still not able to comfort DS when he wakes at night. DS will cry to the point of hysterics if he knows I am in the house and not in bed with him.<br><br>
This makes DH feel isolated and helpless and makes him wonder whether we're using the boob for comfort in a way that isn't good, and whether DS is too attached to me in general. He is a very involved and sensitive daddy and I know it is very painful for him to feel like he can't stop DS from crying. I bear most of the brunt of the sleeping situation and am OK with it (DH takes DS in the AM so I get a little nap.) But the evenings are really tough. I miss my husband, and I know his missing me and feeling like he can't comfort his son is making him feel intolerant and impatient for change.<br><br>
I am wondering whether anyone has any suggestions for gentle ways we might encourage our son to take comfort from his father, and to be able to sleep by himself for a little while, whether it's in his bed (crib), ours, or anywhere else that might work. Or any experience with how to deal with my husband's feelings. I really don't want to do CIO or anything like that but I know he's losing patience and I do feel strongly that meeting a baby's needs at the expense of his parents' relationship is doing nobody any favors.
Now almost 6 months later the situation is basically the same. DS will occasionally sleep 1 or very rarely 2 hours in the crib but mostly needs to sleep in our bed and will wake if I am not there. So DH and I have very little time alone, and this is really taking a toll on our relationship. He is getting frustrated with our choices. He hears about all the babies in less attachment-oriented families who are sleeping all night and have been for months. Despite incredible patience and effort on his part, he is still not able to comfort DS when he wakes at night. DS will cry to the point of hysterics if he knows I am in the house and not in bed with him.<br><br>
This makes DH feel isolated and helpless and makes him wonder whether we're using the boob for comfort in a way that isn't good, and whether DS is too attached to me in general. He is a very involved and sensitive daddy and I know it is very painful for him to feel like he can't stop DS from crying. I bear most of the brunt of the sleeping situation and am OK with it (DH takes DS in the AM so I get a little nap.) But the evenings are really tough. I miss my husband, and I know his missing me and feeling like he can't comfort his son is making him feel intolerant and impatient for change.<br><br>
I am wondering whether anyone has any suggestions for gentle ways we might encourage our son to take comfort from his father, and to be able to sleep by himself for a little while, whether it's in his bed (crib), ours, or anywhere else that might work. Or any experience with how to deal with my husband's feelings. I really don't want to do CIO or anything like that but I know he's losing patience and I do feel strongly that meeting a baby's needs at the expense of his parents' relationship is doing nobody any favors.
