Dang it. I think I spoke too soon.

I applaud you for being easy going, but I would not let him off the hook. I would tell his sister that he has to call you directly to see Owen. I am sure you are right at that your X will show up at his mom's house during your visit, but I would cut out the middle man, so to speak. My XH hasn't seen my DS since last Spring. He called last week to request visitation and I was very reluctant.

So, I called the FOC counselor. She advised me not to allow the visitation, because it has been about 9 months. He has supervised PT, and she suggested that he should file a motion in court to set up a visitation schedule, that way if he is serious about having a relationship, then he would take necessary steps. I shared this info with my XH, and he dropped the subject. In the same breath, he told me is is taking me to court to have the divorce judgment set aside. It is very difficult to do this, but he is now claiming he was too depressed to know what he was doing. Sorry, enough about me. I really think he needs to commit to seeing Owen on a reg basis, or stay away, but that is JMHO.

Good luck!!

Thanks. I totally agree that it's not really fair to Owen to do it this way. Taking into consideration his reaction to seeing his dad at Christmas (unexpectedly, though I had an inkling he was going to show up I didn't tell Owen in case he didn't show) I think I'm going to go ahead and take Owen over there anyway. He didn't really seem fazed when his dad walked in the room at Christmas, so I expect much the same if he does now (he clung to me for about 20 minutes while staring at his dad, but then he was up and kicking balls at his dad). At this point I don't even know if he knows that his dad is *his dad*, or even what *dad* means (he doesn't say dad, so he has never referred to his dad as such). Owen treats him like just another person that we see every once in a while. Like that Uncle that you are friendly to when you see him once or twice a year because he sometimes brings you a cool gift, but don't give much thought to the rest of the year. I will make sure that I stay close-by to Owen so I can keep ex from sneaking up on him.

Well, it appears we won't be seeing him this weekend afterall It turns out that ex had expected CA (his sister) to set up a time for him to see Owen on Sunday, not Saturday (even though CA told him she was not going to set up a time for HIM to see Owen, she was setting up a time for HER to see Owen). Since Saturday worked better for me, CA, and Owen's Grandma then we did it today. I know CA told him when I would be there today, but he was pissed because it was "too early" so he didn't show up (9:30-11). I told them I'd bring Owen back for a minute some time tomorrow (they want to see his outfit) but I doubt ex will be there (unless I happen to show up when he's there, but I doubt he'll be there all day waiting for Owen).

I don't know whether to be pissed off that he can't put in a tiny bit of effort to see Owen, whether to be relieved that I don't have to see/deal with him, or whether to be sad for Owen who won't get to see his dad

Well, Owen did end up seeing his dad today and I am disgusted by what happened.

I took Owen over there to see his Grandma (she wanted a pic of him in his Easter outfit). We got there and ex's car was in the driveway. So O's Grandma came down to the play area and was playing with Owen for a little while. About 1/2 hour later ex came down and sat around for a few minutes (he did catch a ball that Owen threw at him then set it on the floor and told Owen to "be careful" He wanted to play catch you dork!). A few minutes later ex got up and told his mom he was going to get his dog to show Owen. Owen does NOT like dogs (he's just now getting over a fear of dogs after he was bit about a year ago by one). After ex left the room his mom said to me "Do not let him bring the dog near Owen- he's been biting everything and everyone lately". So ex brings him in (it's a pitbull puppy) and tries to put him right in Owen's face (I put myself between them so he couldn't get too close). Owen jumps up as soon as he sees the dog coming and jumps onto the bed and covers himself Ex put the dog on the other side of the gate so he started wimpering/barking. Ex turned to his mom and said he needed to take the puppy home to feed him. She (who was sitting on one side of Owen) asked if he had any days off work this week. Ex said tomorrow. Not getting her hint she said something like "wouldn't you like to see Owen tomorrow?". He just repeated that he had to go bring the puppy home to eat. Not letting him get off so easily she said "Why don't you set up a time with Stephanie so that you can spend some time with Owen tomorrow?". He turned around and walked out! Didn't say goodbye to Owen, no hug, kiss, nothing. (As his dad was walking out Owen was waving goodbye (not sure if he was waving to his dad or the dog) but ex never even turned around or waved or anything ). Giving him the benefit of the doubt I thought that maybe he was waiting outside to talk to me without his mom around (he knew I was getting ready to leave with Owen). So I packed up Owen and went outside- and he was already gone.

I don't know why I'm so shocked. I guess a part of me wanted to believe his mom and sister when they kept telling me he really wanted to start his visits again but he was afraid to call me because I was going to be "mean" to him I made it a point to be nothing but friendly and happy with him today so he had no freaking reason to not ask for some time with Owen tomorrow. And to freaking diss Owen right to his face- that pisses me off more than anything

steph. I was coming over to see how your day went & I'm sorry Owen's dad is such a .

OMG!!! Steph, that's absolutely disgusting. I would totally keep a record of the whole thing...and gosh, at this point I'd just want to protect Owen from having to be disappointed by such a creep!! What a jerk!! Gotta feed his dog, but no time for his kid?!?!? WTF???

I'm sure you handled yourself so well, and Owen is just such a lucky little boy, so lucky to have you, and so lucky NOT to have that jerk-off in his life. (okay, probably should have censored, but I'm actually being more polite than I could be...)

wall

I hope that, at the very least, you can get some peace and sanity from the feeling of vindication. I know when my ex is an idiot and jerk, like when he married his mistress, it at least felt so wonderful to not feel like I was crazy but to have his actions so obvious. Though it's sad this comes at the expense of our children having decent fathers, it makes it easier for us to protect them from the lame-o's we mistakenly chose for them.

Major coming your way!!

Quote:
I wondered how your day went Steph. I'm so sorry it wasn't good.
Your statement above describes how I feel everyday. I look at dd
and she is just so amazing to me. Her vocabulary is really taking off
she is using all these really adult words and I think to myself about ex
and his flair for words. How he is missing out on this child who is just
so much like him and he is missing out on her, and she is missing out
on him.

I watched dd crawling all over my Father today. Kissing him and laying
her head on his shoulder. I am lucky (as is dd) to know my dd is getting
love from a "father" but it's bitter sweet knowing that she will get it soon
that she has a father who chooses not to be a part of her life.

I know I feel better not having to deal with him and his attitudes toward
me. But then on the other hand I would gladly take it if I knew he would
be a bright spot in dd's life. It's hard to wrap the mind around.

Your in my thoughts, my prayers, and you know you did the best
so just be happy with that.

Thanks again ladies.

annarbor931- I had been thinking about that too last night- whether this kind of contact is more harmful to Owen than him not seeing his dad at all. Before I had thought that *any* contact with his dad would be good for him (at least he wouldn't forget who his dad is) but after yesterday, I don't think so. I know I can't make him do that every holiday for the next 16 years. I will talk to his mom and sister about it, but it really was not their fault yesterday because we hadn't really scheduled a visit. I had just told them I'd pop in when I could (because O's g-ma had said she would be home all day so I could come any time that was convenient for Owen and I). So it was really my fault and, I should have followed my gut, and not gone when I saw ex's car in the drive. I actually drove around the block twice after I first saw it trying to decide whether I should just keep driving or whether I should take Owen in. So I told Owen that he might see his dad and asked if he wanted to. He signed yes so we went.

His mom had made a really weird comment yesterday that I think I'm going to ask her to clarify. I hadn't asked at the time because ex had come back in the room. But she said "I apologize. CA told him you'd be here at 6. I don't know where she got that from but that's what she told matt". (CA is ex's sister). I think I showed up around 5:30 or something. I don't know if the comment meant that matt was planning on leaving before 6 so he didn't have to see Owen or what