[JennyClaire]

This is my 1st post and I'm nervous, but here goes:

DH and I have finally admitted to ourselves in the last few months that we "co-sleep" with lovable 10 month DS, who needs to be with his mommy most of the time. Once accepting that DS would not sleep in his crib (ever) we have rather enjoyed being close to him at night.

Okay. About a week ago I woke during the night (unusual to wake alone because DS and I usually wake and sleep at the same time). DS's head was UNDERNEATH DH! I pulled him out, and he gasped for breath several times and was very sweaty, but otherwise undamaged (I was paranoid the next day while I watched him for signs of brain damage). He nursed and went back to sleep and normal breathing within a minute.

On the one hand, I'm scared to have a family bed because DH and DS don't seem in tune with each other at all (during sleep). On the other hand, maybe I'm so "in tune" with DS that his inability to breath woke me up?

Should I put DS on the floor and go back and forth. I don't want to hurt DH by leaving his bed entirely?

Or am I being paranoid?

 

[alegna]

If you're worried, but ds on your side of the bed, between you and the edge of the bed. You can push your bed against the wall or get a rail.

Welcome to MDC!

-Angela

 

[AngelBee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna If you're worried, but ds on your side of the bed, between you and the edge of the bed. You can push your bed against the wall or get a rail. Welcome to MDC! -Angela

That is awesome that you co sleep

 

[kamesennin]

Quote:

Originally Posted by alegna If you're worried, but ds on your side of the bed, between you and the edge of the bed. You can push your bed against the wall or get a rail. Welcome to MDC! -Angela

Dr. Sears recommends this set up too. My dh has no clue what he does in his sleep so I am wary of leaving just the two of them in bed together. Happy co-sleeping!

 

[crazymom]

I agree with the bedrail also....that is what we did. Same problem with us too...I am in complete sync with our dd, but my husband hasn't been...so the bedrail is a great solution....

 

[IncaMama]

yup i agree...if your dh still wants the snuggle time he can start out between you until dh falls asleep or just for a preset amt of time and then move ds over.

 

[JennyClaire]

Thanks for your responses!

Keeping DS on hubbyless side of the bed seems like the safest thing to do. We already have a bedrail on my side of the bed.

Any suggestions on how not to fall asleep while DS is breastfeeding on DH's side of bed (baby in middle)? Do you all nurse sitting up on that side to prevent falling back asleep with babe in the middle during the night?

 

[kavamamakava]

That must have been scary! If baby is nursing on daddy's side of the bed (in the middle), he'll probably be in the crook of your arm or snuggled up to you, right? You can always put your arm around him. This should keep him away from DH and then you can move him next time you wake up.

 

[fiddlefern]

Another thing you can do is keep dc on one side, and switch breasts. This is kind of hard for me to do because I have small boobs, but basically, when I lie on my side, I lean over more, and put my upper arm over ds in an arch with my hand on his other side, to prop me up a bit. Obviously, this is a little less relaxing than nursing with the lower boob, so I don't fall asleep when we're nursing with the upper boob. :LOL

 

[RedWine]

I have always been too afraid to allow dh to sleep next to either one of our babies. He sleeps next to dd1 now, but that's because she's a very strong, sturdy 2 1/2 year old and, if he ever did roll on her, I've no doubt she would wake us up with her kicks (this has never happened, he's never even come close to rolling on her).

It makes sense that females have an evolved sense of where our babies are in relation to our bodies, during sleep. We evolved this way (women sleeping right next to their babies). Males, however, did NOT evolve sleeping next to babies, so I'd wager that there is no innate synchronicity involved with men and their small children. Therefore, baby has always been between me and a wall/guardrail. This means sometimes I sleep with my head at the head of the bed, and sometimes I sleep with my feet at the head of the bed (I feed one breast at a time, instead of switching during).

 

[JennyClaire]

That's an excellent idea! When DS or I begin to move apart, it should wake me enough to switch him to the outside! Thanks!

 

[IncaMama]

i have pretty large boobs so i never have to move DS to another side. it's pretty easy for me to just give him the upper boob without too much contortion. if you've got smaller breasts, it might be hard to maneuver that...but if you can, that's the easiest thing.

 

[JennyClaire]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kavamamakava That must have been scary! If baby is nursing on daddy's side of the bed (in the middle), he'll probably be in the crook of your arm or snuggled up to you, right? You can always put your arm around him. This should keep him away from DH and then you can move him next time you wake up.

I tried this last night because it seemed the easiest solution. However, baby and I moved apart in our sleep (he towards Daddy, me towards the bedrail).

Tonight we'll try the leaning-over-with-left-boob idea. I've tried that for DS's naps, and it works, but we'll have to see if I can fall asleep that way!

Last resort will be always having DS on outside by switching from heads to feet at head of bed. I suppose that would be better than the floor, but DH and I have enough blanket issues as it is!

Thanks for all your ideas. I was lost.

 

[JennyClaire]

Quote:

Originally Posted by michelemiller i have pretty large boobs so i never have to move DS to another side. it's pretty easy for me to just give him the upper boob without too much contortion. if you've got smaller breasts, it might be hard to maneuver that...but if you can, that's the easiest thing.

Okay, just an update:

It works!

The first night I didn't sleep well, and was sore from sleeping on my right side so much, but last night I must have started turning over in my sleep, and felt well rested this morning.

DH misses having DS near him, but realizes it's a small price to pay for safety.

Thanks again to all. - Jenny

 

[BrettsMama]

We actually side carred a crib (set up with 3 sides) when B was about that age. It gave him a lot more space to move around, while still being right there next to me at all times, easy to nurse him and keeps me from worrying about Dh, as my dh is not completely in tune with ds's sleep either. (ds is 2.5 now and we still use this. It works wonderfully.)

I eventually went to just nursing one boob all night. The milk supply adjusted accordingly in each boob.

 

[allgirls]

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrettsMama We actually side carred a crib (set up with 3 sides) when B was about that age. It gave him a lot more space to move around, while still being right there next to me at all times, easy to nurse him and keeps me from worrying about Dh, as my dh is not completely in tune with ds's sleep either. (ds is 2.5 now and we still use this. It works wonderfully.) I eventually went to just nursing one boob all night. The milk supply adjusted accordingly in each boob.

This is what we did. I also nursed dd on the side towards dh first so I was less likely to fall into deep sleep, then do sidecar side last...sometimes I fell asleep for whole night, other times I woke up and moved dd to the side car...she slept better uncuddled but still needed pretty easy access to the milkies...it worked great for us...once she started crawling I put the crib together and now I often put her in the crib after she's asleep..plus she's bigger now and if she's in bed with us she can't be rolled on so easily...she will give us a swift kick. Now we use the crib so we can sleep better..but she's still in our room because she still needs us some nights. It's a rare night that she wakes up now...and never to nurse anymore(self night weaned a few months ago) so we have a nice room all ready to transition her too....except mommy is putting it off...I will miss her!

 

[StormingColour]

You might find that your husband becomes more in tune to your child's presence if he wakes with you for a few seconds while you are breastfeeding at night. I find the thing that keeps me most in tune with my babe is that I am up every few hours and am always aware of where babe is in the bed. Same with my partner. He is a light sleeper and wakes up from the initiating that my babe does to feed. Sometimes if I switch the babe sides, I just tap on my partner's shoulder and tell him that there is a small one behind (beside, in front) of him. I find that knowing where the child is in bed sets up an invisible "force field" around them.