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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey moms:

As many of you know, I've been seeing "M" for about a month now - not very long in the scheme of things. In that time, we've gotten together either with or without our children six times. Keep in mind that he is a firefighter and must sleep at the firestation 3 days out of every 7 day week. When he is on duty, he calls usually once or twice. When he is not on duty, he calls usually once per day, sometimes more if we are trying to plan something. When I talk to him, he is genuinely interested in the conversation, always has something to add, and is very pleasant. The time we spend together is pleasant, but usually fairly short in duration because of my visitation schedule. At this point, we haven't started including each other in family gatherings nor have we introduced the other party to family members or friends.

This is my question: should I bring up exclusivity at this point
: ? I really like this guy, and quite honestly, I don't think he is seeing anyone else. The reason I ask is that intimacy will be brought up at some point in the near future, and I refuse to sleep with someone who does not want me to be a part of his life (i.e. not just a bed buddy). I would usually let the man dictate this part of the relationship, but being in a new frame of mind post-divorce, I'm not sure how to proceed.

Your advice is appreciated - have a great Friday everyone!
 

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Hi Soul-O,

Personally, I think you should hold off on the exclusivity "talk", it seems a little too soon for me. One month is not very long, to me, to have a discussion about exclusivity.

If the relationship starts to get really physical, then you should bring it up. I have NEVER believed in sleeping with more than one person at a time...too dangerous, too emotionally-loaded.

I think that if your instincts are telling you that there is no one else in his life, then I would not rush the "talk". Especially, since just a few weeks ago even you were hesitant, at least that is what I understood from your post, about any thoughts of a relationship with him.

I also recall from one of your previous posts that he told you he was not the kind of guy to have casual sex. So, why not wait and see what happens. Let him bring up the topic. This is definitely not him dictating the relationship, because you have to agree or not, correct?

Try to be patient, trust me, I know it is difficult in this exciting stage...I am right there with you on this one with T!
 

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I would not have the "talk" either.

I think you might be able to find a place in casual conversation where you could bring up that you are not into casual sex....then he knows where you stand. He may offer the same information as you talk about it.

I also think that your instincts & the fact that you are spending a lot of his free time together or talking lets you kow that logically he wouldn't have the time to be seeing someone else.
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Thanks for the advice moms. I think you are both right - it is too soon to discuss exclusivity unless intimacy is close at hand. I mentioned that we messed around a couple of weeks ago. Without giving too much detail, it did involve touching but nothing more (i.e. no intercourse, no oral activity, no real nudity). We did the same thing when I saw him last week, and I greatly enjoyed it
. I was comfortable with this amount of intimacy, and would be comfortable with more if we agree to not only be monogamous, but actually in a relationship. I think I will give it a few more weeks, see how much he is willing to put into this budding romance, and take it from there. We are both really busy - me with my kids, work, and school, and him with his firefighter schedule and his kids - so the relationship has to develop slowly simply because of logistics. Logically speaking, I know he really doesn't have time to see anyone else unless she is also a firefighter on his schedule
, so I shouldn't rush anything.

Thanks again - have a good weekend everyone!
 

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Just adding my 2 cents, a month is a little to soon for anything intimate imo much less worrying about being exclusive. Just give it time and see what happens. I dated one guy for 3 months and we never even kissed! (long story there!) but you know what? It was soooo nice not having to worry about when "it" was going to happen as we had discussed it and I in no uncertain terms told him "it" would NOT be happening any time in the next year or two. I finally ended up dumping him which I hated doing as he was fun but I couldn't afford to keep him
 
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