[maddysmommy]

Hey guys
I just wanted to sort of flesh some feelings out and all of my irl friends are busy tonight. Here's the deal, I had a date last night, the first one since my breakup. I was expecting it to be fun, amusing interesting etc. I wasn't prepared for the emotional hit I feel today. I wasn't expecting to like him so much lol and I don't know how to deal with it. I know I can't say this to him, and I'm also feeling like this reminded (or revealed to) me how crappy it was with my ex and I'm suddenly so sad. I'm overwhelmed and again I can't really express this to him, as I'm sure he doesn't need my emotional soup on his plate lol. I'm just wondering how everyone else has gone through this door, and what maybe helped navigate. I just wanted fun,excitement, entertainment and I have all these crazy emotions along for the ride. Part of me feels like I should just back off and be alone, but the (larger, louder) part really wants to have fun and enjoy myself and I think why the heck not?? Maybe I just need some sleep lol. Thanks for letting me spill this...

Leah

 

[ChristinaB]

Leah,
I say get out and have a good time! You need (and deserve) to have fun and be happy and if going out with this guy makes you happy, do it! It's hard to not get carried away with emotions when you start dating again. I did the same and I find myself thinking along those lines more often than not. I constantly have to bring myself back to reality.
Just have fun and let what is suppose to happen, happen!

 

[L.J.]

I've gone through a lot of changes, emotions and struggles while starting to date again.

I've done work on myself the past few years & knew I was ready to date, yet when I started, I felt those old patterns trying to creep in. I try to stay conscious of what I want & stay on track. Theory is different than in practice.

However, I've panicked because we weren't spending enough time together, panicked because we are spending too much time together, etc. etc. I've called girlfriends, journalled & chatted with myself & given myself some reality checks along the way. I've reminded myself of who I am & that I am a really great person & that if this guy gets it, great & if he doesn't, there will be someone even better down the road who will.

It helps for me to focus on what is happening and what I am feeling right now. I've had to realize that I have chosen to not be "in control", I've chosen to put myself out there....vulnerable & real & honest.....and so far I've been able to spend some wonderful times with a really great guy.

I'm staying in check with my intuition and keeping my focus on the moment instead of looking forward or behind. This is a whole new situation, a whole new person & at this point, I am really only able to enjoy today because that's really there is right now.

I've relied on my friends a lot lately, but I've found the times that I've really needed to get help, everyone's been busy.....and then I find that I had all the answers I needed myself.

Good luck. ~ L.J.

 

[Soul-O]

Oh goodness.... I can so relate to what you are feeling! Yes, you deserve to get out and have a good time with this guy, and I know how hard it is to keep the good feelings to yourself once you've met someone you like. I'm tenatively beginning a friendship with a single dad I met at my yard sale a couple of weeks ago (see the dating thread), and it is very difficult to keep my feelings in check. I decided I wasn't ready to date him yet because of the emotional hit I felt after the first date ended, but he called a few days later (he's a firefighter and was on duty for 48 hours so I couldn't talk to him) and we've been talking and socializing with our kids since then. I'm still feeling very emotional about this guy and trying to keep it bottled up inside (which is easier said than done!), so I've chosen not to be romantic with him at this time, but the chemistry is hard to ignore, so..... I'll need to make a choice here at some point in the future - let myself be vulnerable and possibly get hurt, or shut myself off to this man and possibly lose out on a good thing.

Oops - this turned into my own blab fest - sorry! Anyhow, I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings. I am here to listen and comiserate, and I truly wish you and this budding friendship/relationship of yours the very best. My best advice to you is to keep busy, stay positive, and be open to the possibilities - friendship, romance etc.

 

[ChristinaB]

L.J.. I enjoyed reading your post! Thank you!

 

[maddysmommy]

Thanks so much for your responses, they really felt good to hear. I know my first response with people (in romance and friendship lol) is to get clingy and emotional and that's just not who I want to be anymore. I think I had a serious date hangover lol - it felt so great to be with him, and then wham I was alone again and it sucked lol. I'm still getting used to being alone and I really don't like it (stbx has dd all weekend). I have a great group of friends, but on the weekends they're busy with their husbands so that's been very hard for me. I agree, keep busy, stay positive. Try to stay rational and live in the moment. I think I have pms too, which is so not helping with the emotional side of things. You guys are great!! I really hope that I can learn to have fun without associating it with the pain of separation that I assume will be coming. We did talk yesterday and he's so flipping nice that it almost made it worse lol. I'm just going to have to figure this out on the fly, never dating again is not an option lol. Thanks again everyone!

Leah

 

[2countryboys]

OMGosh, I can sooo relate, lol. I've seen a certain guy twice and talked to him on the phone quite a few times. We're also going out tomorrow night. After the first date, I was smitten with him and really had to put myself in check. Once I did, I felt a whole lot better. Now, I just take one date at a time and have fun with him. He's sooo different from my stbx that it's unreal, I LOVE IT, lol.

Anyway, I think you're feelings are totally normal for what you've been through. I'd say to take it a date at a time, have a great time and keep yourself in check when you start getting carried away.

Good Luck!