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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Any body up for this?

Let's be accountable.

I love the days when I handle everything with out even raising my voice once.

Sometimes I just slip though, and make that angry ugly face and YELL!

Whether it's "STOP THAT!", "COME TO THE TABLE!", "CLOSE THE GATE, SO THE BABY DOESN'T FALL DOWN THE STAIRS!".......... I lose it sometimes and then I feel like crap!

I figure we could start today (I know its random) and chime in with how we are doing.

Keep cool when there is a conflict and report to each other how we "almost" yelled, but diffused it calmly.

I will be celebrating (or not) with a chocolate bar on Saturday night.
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by AFWife View Post

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

The way I would get a day when I didn't yell would be if DH took DS1 all.day.long!

I'll give it a try, thought. It's hard to catch the attention of a spirited boy when you can't get up from the couch quickly (BFing)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

Not BFing, still yell.
bag.gif


Its called having TWO spirited boys, one who is more spritied then the other, and after telling them 14 times to stop fighting or called thier name 27 times and they STILL havent looked your way, SNAPPING. Hey, im human. And it gets their attention. Do I feel like a giant TOOLBOX afterwards? Almost immediately.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

PFFFFFFT.

Does a bear poop in the woods?

I just don't like to be judged, so I dont post here often.

Although I must say, I am super excited that I got through the entire morning all by myself without yelling ONCE!

I ususally post over in PG, but just didnt want you to feel alone, because you certainly are NOT!
I'm not talking about having to raise our voices to get their attention. Believe me, my DS has ears that turn off (and he isn't doing it on purpose).

I'm breastfeeding too and I can't whisper down the hall if I need them to hear me.

I'm talking about the type of yelling with the mean face and angry eyebrows.
hopmad.gif
Scolding, reprimanding loudly, getting angry instead of keeping cool.

This morning DD kicked DS' backpack while they were waiting for the bus. He was upset. I wanted to yell at her, but what good would that do?

Most of the time I do handle things calmly, but every once in a while I wig.

I am not even against all yelling. I think there is a time and a place (when someone does something absolutely atrocious), to let it out and be MAD!

I just think it contributes to hostility in the day to day aggravating kid stuff and I want to really stop slipping into it.

It takes my kids by surprise when I yell. My problem is I do it from pent up frustration and some straw (obnoxious behavior) will just break my back and it's kind of random.

No one is perfect and I sure as heck am FAR from it, but with practice, I'm getting a lot better at life.

I can go days and be "on the ball" and a great mom and then one day I just lose the ability to cope well with all the noise and kid stuff and POW! I'm carrying on like a real brat!

Not a good example.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
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Originally Posted by Ellien C View Post

I'm in, but I think I've already failed today.

My dryer is broke and we need to buy a new one on Saturday. DD, who leaves her clothes all over the house anyway had no jeans. Now, she's supposed to pick her clothes out the night before so we don't have this problem but she changed her mind. I told her there were some pants left behind the couch but I couldn't wash any of her clothes because the dryer was broken.

Then she stated yelling that I could have put up a damn clothes line (this from an 8 yo, sadly typical). I explained to her that the dryer broke on Sunday and we were busy Monday night and both children were sick yesterday so there was really no time to put up a clothesline. And that the way she spoke to me was very rude. Then she continued that if we really wanted to, we could have. And I lost it and told her when she grew up she could run her house anyway she wanted.

She's very much explosive-inflexible, but I know I'm not helping the matter.

I'll have to try for no MORE yelling today.
I have an incredibly inflexible volatile DD too (who will be 8 this month)

Too bad we can't get them together for a playdate! haha

I've told me DD that she can run her house the way she wants to also. She has all kinds of oponions and insults about things and is very LOUD.

She tells me that she's never moving out though, because she never wants to be away from me.

She is my number one reason for losing it and she's NEVER leaving .
nut.gif


Technically I can't blame her for my behavior- but WOW, she is my true test on earth.
 

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Discussion Starter · #30 ·
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Originally Posted by pianojazzgirl View Post

Hi mamas, can I join the club?

My worst time of day is bedtime (the kids' bedtime that is). I dunno... I seem to have run out of patience by then or something. Last night was not great dealing with my 6yo. Anyway, I'm here to turn over a new leaf. I feel like sometimes I get into the habit of yelling, it's too easy to fall into anger over little things when I could just take a moment and a few deep breaths to bring my emotions down a notch, yk. So, starting today I will post to this thread and try to do better!
This is definitely my worst time of day too. The few breaths really works!

It's kind of funny though. When my DS was 4 he would do something naughty and then say "mom, time to your deep breaths now".
 

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Discussion Starter · #38 ·
I REALLY wanted to yell yesterday. I felt the steam rising and the stress getting the better of me. I started to talk a little louder than normal and I could feel myself making such and ugly mad face. I stopped though and I'm so glad I did.
 

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Discussion Starter · #39 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by brooklynbabymama View Post

.

i have an open door policy with yelling at and even cussing around my kids. frankly, it gets their attention. it relieves my tension and keeps me from feeling/acting mean. it brings the spotlight to the issue at hand and really makes my stubborn 3yo daughter focus on things through my repetition and vehemence, like putting on her shoes or cleaning up her messes.

most importantly, i want my kids to know that they in no way have a paragon for a mother. i'm going to get mad and i have a right to express it, just like they do. i don't yell to scare or hurt them but i'm a person in this family with feelings also and the sooner i get my needs met the sooner i can meet theirs. i've explored GD from all ends with major successes and failures and honestly i think yelling is a healthy expression of anger and enables me to truly keep my temper checked and be the gentle mother i really am.
Brooklyn mama,

I just want you to know that I understand what you are saying and don't see anything wrong with it for a lot of familes.

For me, when I react to the angry feeling I start to get, I feel shaky, upset, hot, fast heartbeat.............. it's just a TERRIBLE feeling. I also get VERY upset from other's yelling or looking aggressively. I find that when I stop and calm myself it avoids this escalation of physical crap that I can choose to go through or bypass.

In bypassing it, I don't mean bottling up (I don't think). I think I am able to process what really is going on and figure out if it's worthy of such a dramatic reaction.

Most of the time, no.

I do believe though, as mammal mamas, there ARE times for growling, but they are rare.

I am pretty good at recongnizing whats happening and have control over it, but every once in a while I BLOW and it's usually over chaos and kids acting crazy while I'm trying to do something important.

I know plenty of families that all yell at each other and it all blows right over. I really don't judge them- I know they love each other as much as we do- just think they are really loud! For us, we are all pretty sensitive (except DH- he doesnt think yelling is upsetting). In our family, nothing "blows over". The kids and I get very upset. I need them to follow my lead, to prevent them from yelling and screaming about everything too. I will lose my mind if this house if full of yelling people.
 

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Discussion Starter · #41 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Charlie's~Angel~ View Post

Ive made it three, count them, THREE MORNINGS IN A ROW now, getting the kids up, ready, and out the door, alllllll by myself, with absoultly, posativly NO YELLING. AND im pmsing. not sure how im pulling it off. Other then trying to stay in the right mindset as Im trudging forward. Im also trying to stay posative BEFORE i go in to handle a task (ie. picking them up from school or getting the little guy out of bed, these are all major productions because matthew doesnt want to do anything I say) Its like my posative vibes litterally filter down to them. amazing! lol

Now, evenings are a little more hectic, but I didnt do to bad. Wed is my class night, so I have to get them home, fed, cleaned up, and get out the door all in about an hour in a half. Doing that with matthew hanging off my rear end can get a bit frustrating.

I did get through bath night without raising my voice in anger ONCE. Sure, I had to raise it so they could HEAR ME OVER ALL THE SPLASHING, SCREAMING, AND FIGHTING. lol

For my efforts, my 2 yo has begun telling me "mama, I wuboo semuch!" without any warning or prompting. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Yay! Day three!
happytears.gif
 

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Discussion Starter · #46 ·
Welp- I didn't get my chocolate bar on Saturday night. I made a really ugly UGLY face at DS and kind of talked through my teeth. Yuck- a snarling mom.

I was trying to get the baby down for a desperately needed nap and my back was killing me. He wouldn't stop yelling.

I forgave myself though, because I've been doing very well despite the challenges of being alone with 3 kids from wake up to bed time.
 

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Discussion Starter · #54 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by mom2happy View Post

Welp- I didn't get my chocolate bar on Saturday night. I made a really ugly UGLY face at DS and kind of talked through my teeth. Yuck- a snarling mom.

I was trying to get the baby down for a desperately needed nap and my back was killing me. He wouldn't stop yelling.

I forgave myself though, because I've been doing very well despite the challenges of being alone with 3 kids from wake up to bed time.
I got my chocolate bar!! Yay- now I can be a good and chubby mom- by rewarding myself with sweets- ah heck, I deserve it.
winky.gif


Anyway, things have been great around here. My challenging DD has been very even keeled this week and it's been like a vacation.

DS and the baby are their regular to take care of selves (which means Pieces of cake when comparing them to their older sis.)

I can't say I get much credit for keeping my cool this week because there hasn't been much to struggle with.

I'm sure I'll be put to the test very soon now though, since I typed all this out.
 

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Discussion Starter · #61 ·
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spring Lily View Post

Oh mamas, I need some sympathetic ears! I'm having a hard day. I'm taking a moment away from the kids before I lose my temper yet again this evening. For the most part I've been doing so well, really keeping my tone modulated when I get upset, taking a few breaths before reacting, things like that. Today I am tired, still getting over being sick, and have been with the kids for 12 hours and counting. Dh has been working long hours lately, so I'm with the kids all day every day, 6 days a week, no breaks. Even when DH gets home, I don't get a break.

How do you stop yourself from yelling when you don't get a break? If you're just really burnt out and honesty can't carve out any time for yourself in the day? I'm sitting here typing this while 2 of my kids are screaming at each other behind me, and I just have to tune it out so I can even write this. It's so hard to find any patience when I'm so worn down. (OK full disclosure--just stopped 1/2 through that sentence and got in a conversation with one of them that turned into yelling--great.)

Anyway, I'd just love to hear some other people's strategies when they are in this kind of situation. On your own, no help, burnt out, and the kids are on your very last nerve! Thanks.
I am alone with 3 kids almost all the time too. It can get really hard sometimes.

I try to stay aware that my mind can go into disarray when I'm stressed from the kids.

If I need to yell or talk in an emotional voice, I usually start out by saying, "I am SO TIRED! I'm having a HARD time right now. I'm trying to get my patience back, so I need a few minutes to feel ok again. Please just give me some time and then I can ...help you.......give you this.......hear what each of you have to say....... do this for you............"

I am not a robot and to act like a robot or June Cleaver is not reality. Sometimes you HAVE to show emotion.

Looking aggressive and yelling threats is awful, but being human and saying how you feel in a stern serious voice is okay imo.

I find that speaking my mind and stating what my problem is will teach them to understand their own emotions and to speak up in the right way for themselves.
 

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Discussion Starter · #62 ·
But just so ya know......

I am still losing it every once in a while.

The kids fighting and bickering makes me snappy.

Ignoring it doesnt work. Sometimes if I scream "Just stop-- Just STOP IT!" They stop.

It drives me crazy! Then they will be quiet for a little while and I feel like a monster.
 
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