[gsurveyor]

I have been a full time mom for my 17 month old son until now. I would like to resume my career, but it is impossible to do job searches or get anything done with him around. So my husband and I decided to put him in part time daycare. For the first entire week, I stayed with him at the day care center to get him used to the place. Then starting a couple of weeks ago, I left him there for about 3 hours each day. It breaks my heart to see him cry so much when I leave and am having second thoughts about going back to work. Everyone keeps assuring me that it will get better with time and it probably will. However, I cannot help wondering if this is causing any harm to my son. I will be grateful for any advice on how to deal with this situation.

 

[WithHannahsHeart]

Well, no one can say for sure that it "absolutely" won't damage him to have some episodes of separation anxiety; only you can judge how much of such stress your child can take. This is my personal feeling: If you see a good progression of him getting more and more used to the situation, more and more looking forward to going there, playing with kids, etc., I would continue. However, if he makes no improvement over, say, a couple weeks, I would stop and try again in a few months (if that is feasable). I think that the right daycare can be a wonderful thing for many children (not all of course, but many), in that they learn to interact well with others, manners, games and things he just can't get with you at home, unless he has a houseful of siblings you're not telling us about

. Go with your gut/heart; it will always steer you right. Additionally, if you are a praying person, God will always give you wisdom to do what HE, in his infinite understanding, knows is the perfect thing for your child. HTH

 

[mirlee]

My son is a little over 3 1/2 and has been in daycare since he was 8 weeks old.

I know how hard it is to leave the little one there. I cried every day for two weeks then was sad every day for about the rest of the month.This was with the first daycare. We moved him to a second when he was about 17 months and I had to re-adjust again. This time was not has hard, but it was an unfamiliar place and I wasn't sure how he would do. I was confident that we had picked a very good place, but he was very quirky in my opinion and I wasn't sure how they would deal with it. You know what, we all did just fine.

To this day, I feel that him being in daycare was one of the best things I could give him. Honestly, I can't do half the things in one week that they do in one day. Also, you need time to yourself. I used to feel guilty about sending him to school on a day that I was off, but eventually (it took about 2 years), I really enjoy the time I have at home with no one around. Last week I actually managed to wash the floors and get them all clean at the same time.

I know it is hard. Sure, he will cry, but the amazing thing is that he will get over it much more quickly than you realize. When Sam went to the new daycare, he cried when I left. I was crushed, but I was told by all of his teachers that about 3 minutes after I was gone, he was eating breakfast (Usually his second because he nursed and had something else before we left. It must have been time for his elevensies already.)He did just fine.

You aren't doing irrepairable harm. He won't hate you. The teachers have to assist parents with this issue all the time. Every child goes through this. But, everything WILL be just fine. Besides, he might just have fun and learn some cool things.

 

[justmama]

Have you looked into a home daycare? Would that be an option for you? I stayed home with my daughter during the day and my mother watched her on nights and weekends while I worked until she was 23 months. she then went into a home daycare when I went back to school full-time. She's now just over 3 and she still goes to the same daycare and LOVES it. She ASKS to go there. I stayed iwth her for about 2 weeks straight, everyday for the whole day. I really think it's that the daycare is situated in a home environment that helps. She sees her sitter doing dishes and cooking lunch and folding laundry and nursing the new baby, everything that would happen at home!!!! She associates it with a home environment and thus feels more comfortable. Maybe this is an option for you? Be sure that the sitter is licensed by the state(because that means they are regulated to a certain degree) and is CPR certified and has definite areas that children are allowed and not allowed. Be certain of the other children that are attending on days your son will be there. Be certain that the house is acceptably child-proofed. I really like having my daughter in a home setting. I feel more comfortable knowing that her care is tailored to her needs. Right now, she's the only child her sitter is watching, besides her own two. My daughter is getting the full attention of her sitter, in an environment she feels comfortable in. Check out a few home daycares. I really think they might be worth your while!
Meg

 

[lizziejean]

One thing I have heard in the whole daycare vs SAHM debate, is that children do best when their mother is happy with their choice. So, if the mother is happiest working, the kid will do well in daycare. My problem with this is, it's never that easy - I love working but I can't do it well, since I don't get to spend enough time at work (get there at 9 if lucky, have to leave at 5 or else, and that's not counting all the drs appointments and days with pinkeye). But, for what it's worth, the reason I am bringing this up is that I wonder whether he's picking up anxiety from you. This might sound silly, but if you could sound excited about going to work, you're going to get to go to work, and he's going to get to go to daycare etc... try to be positive. I'm thinking that you should tell him you're going to work, and treat looking for a job like going to work in your own mind... if you're like me you're probably feeling a bit guilty about this whole thing... and he's picking up on it.

Is he just crying right when you leave? Sometimes it helps to hang around a few mins and have the teacher, or another mother, come out and tell you when he's stopped crying. Usually once you're gone, they switch gears and really enjoy themselves with all the cool toys and activities and other kids. If he's screaming the whole time, then I would agree with chemigogo, he might be having serious difficulties and you should maybe think of something else. Although, I know a little boy - about 19 months - who had a real hard time adjusting to my kids' daycare... I saw him a few times crying his little heart out... but now he is such a happy little kid, he sees his daddy coming at the end of the day with big smiles (this is a good sign, if they greet you with rejection, it means they've had a bad day usually.) So there's hope.

Good luck with your new career!

Elizabeth
dd 12-24-00
ds 7-2-02