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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'll try to make this short.

My DCP is for the most part, excellent. However, here are my issues:

1. twice in the last few months one of the teachers has brought her own child in for special events and tends to ignore the rest of the children while she's with her own.

2. DD has a restricted diet and they don't really hide their feelings that I am 1) crazy for thinking my child has a wheat intolerance and 2) a pain in their butt for making them feed her something different from the crap they feed the rest of the kids.

3. They tend to discount what my DH asks them to do the one or two days a week that he drops off - he gets the feeling that they think fathers are idiots.

4. 2 of the 4 teachers have "bad backs" and try to avoid having to do any of the lifting of the kids. I worry that my DD will need comforting and they'll choose not to pick her up for this very reason. I have no evidence that this has happened, but it worries me.

Overall, my DD seems to love going each day. She claps when we pull up in front of the building. She loves the other kids. She loves her routine, and I think it's a very stimulating, caring place. Is it normal to have these kinds of complaints? I don't think these are HUGE enough issues to warrant switching - I think doing so will really be traumatic for her, so I don't want to switch unless I really feel it's necessary. I guess I'm just looking for your opinions. I know there are no perfect DCPs. But I always second guess myself...
 

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Quote:
Originally posted by maighdhlin
I guess I'm just looking for your opinions. I know there are no perfect DCPs. But I always second guess myself...
I don't know, but it seems to me that you don't really feel they are excellent. Sure doesn't sound like they are to me. They should respect what you and your dh want, not think that you are crazy or an idiot. I've never used daycare so I don't know if it's normal or not. Have you ever used a different one that you can compare this one to?
 

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Well, I've now used 2 preschools and 2 daycare homes. My theory is that nowhere is going to be absolutely perfect. Well, maybe somewhere over the rainbow there is this perfect place, but its not worth the trauma it would take to find it. So, you ask yourself whether or not what you are seeing is enough to make you want to switch care. Keeping in mind that switching care is definitely hard on your child (though how hard may depend on age).

Given the specifics as you describe, I would ask a couple of additional questions of myself. In terms of the food, are they giving her the special food and only making comments on it? If so, then I would judge this to be annoying, but not change-worthy. Now, if I ever found that they skipped the special food, I would change immediately. In terms of not respecting your husband's opinion, do you think they are subtly or not-so-subtley giving the impression to the kids that dads (or all men) are idiots? If so, then I might be motivated to change. Maybe they just don't know how to deal with a dad because they don't get a lot of them. Also, what does he think of this? Favoritism is almost inevitable, and if it weren't their own children it would be some other kid. I think this one goes with group care and is found everywhere. Finally, there are other ways of comforting kids rather than picking them up. If the teacher is willing to get down on their level to hug or whatever, then I wouldn't think this was a problem. However, if the children were going uncomforted, then I might evaluate the care they are receiving.

In any case, if you are uncomfortable with anything you are seeing, you should have a conversation with the director. Its his/her job to make sure your child is properly cared for and that you are a happy client.
 

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I also think that there are no "perfect" situations. I wouldn't find it "perfect" if I were the one doing the day care either.


I agree that you should carefully consider how much these things annoy you. If you know what the daycare situation is in your area, how hard would it be to find something different/better?
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
You all raise really good points. As I read your responses, I'm thinking we're more in the "annoyed" than the "we should switch" category.

I think they're annoyed with her special diet, but they follow it.

They do comfort the kids on their own level. In fact I did a "pop-in" and 3 of the 4 were actually on the floor with them hugging them and reading to them.

My DH is an exception and not the rule at the center. I rarely see fathers pick up or drop off and when they do they never interact with the teachers. My DH always speaks his mind and is very involved in our parenting, so I'm sure they really just don't know what to do with him

I think part of this stems from the fact that she is going through some separation problems as of late. Most days, like I said before, she claps when we get there, but there are times when she's screaming and grasping for me as I'm leaving and it's awful. I get her there early so most days I can "transition" with her and leave her happy, but some days she's just not ready to let me go no longer how long I stay there. I don't think it's a function of the DC, only a function of her wanting to stay with me.

I've been thinking about switching to a nanny. I've always just been hesitant to do so knowing there's no one in my house watching her. What do those of you who have nannies do to raise your comfort level with your nanny?
 

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We have had so many complaints abut our day care. DS is 15 months old and has wheat and dairy allergies. Our day care is also very annoyed that they have to feed him special food. Even before we discovered the allergies, I was sending all organic food for him. They always fed what I sent but frequently complained about it. Even accused me of not feeding him properly because they thought he wasn't getting enough vegetables. I made a sign that is posted on the cabinet wall that lists what he can and can not eat. But last week I picked him up and he was wheezing really bad. There was a big bowl of cookies on the counter and a new teacher. I aksed her if he had any cookies and she insisted that he hadn't. But he was reacting to something. The day before that he took another child's bottle. Again they said he didn't drink any of her milk, but you never know. It could have been a combination of milk and cookies that had him wheezing all weekend. Or it could have been something else. I'll never know. There is another new kid that has allergies too milk and peanuts. The other day they had him sitting behind the counter while they were feeding the other children. He was crying and crying sitting there by himself. I felt so bad for him. Another problem I have is that the person who is there at 5:00 is not the same as the person who has been with him all day. Whenever I as any questions, she just says "I wasn't there." They are supposed to fill out sheets that tell when they ate, what they ate, and when their diapers were changed. But they are rarely correct. I am now on the fourth page of complaints about the center. But........

It is in the same building I work in. So I can and do pop in unannounced. Also my client's children are in the same center so they check on him for me every day. It is cheap for this area, $160 a week. DS seems to like it. There was one teacher that he did not like, but they moved her out of his classroom. The women in his room seem to really like being with the kids.

So far, I am just watching the situation. But I don't know how much more I can take. I expect them to respect my wishes and take proper care of my son. I wish I could afford a nanny or to stay home with him myself.

Kathi
 

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ugh - this all seems so familiar to me. My DS just turned 2 and I have had fod issues the entire time he has been in daycare. From the beginning the center has always said that the parents need to provide a morning snack, lunch an afternoon snack. One time I found out they were not giving him my snacks but giving all the children snacks the center had bought.
I also had a no juice rule for my son and would send in soymilk for luch and filtered water for snacks until I found out they stopped serving juice and started serving filtered water. They have made several comments to me over the years about the food I send in ( he is veggie and I choose to not fill him up with crap food and sugar) it is amazing to me that I am always made to feel like I am a bad parent because I don't stuff him with sugary sweets. I even had a teacher tell me once when he fell and scraped his knee that she didn't have any "organic bandaids" to give him. I almost freaked out. Did she really think that just because I choose to feed my son healthy food he had to have organic bandaids???

my point is - long story short - you will never find a daycare center that is perfect. Stay strong with how you want to raise your child/children and remember that they are doing you a service and you are paying them.
 

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gosh you guys, that stuff sounds aweful. while i think its true some of the idoitic comments the daycare providers make to you are just annoyances to YOU and dont necassarily affect your kids, i had to post from my own experience. not to try to scare you or guilt you or anything, but maybe just to say "trust your instincts" . if you are starting to have doubts start looking for a new place. i know it is SO hard to tell from first impressions if a new place will be any better but try looking for AP minded providers. I am doing a small amount of childcare in my home in the mornings, and inthe afteroons my son goes to a womans house who does childcare. She is VERY AP and i love her.

ok my story is that i used to work in a day care center. i worked in the infant part of it and later the toddler part. i was there for about a year and a half and quit because the kids were being verbally abused and even slapped, and the infants were being left to cry it out for really long times.

i called child protection on them and they wouldnt do anything cuz there were no marks being left as proof that kids had been hit. i was too young and afraid to confront these women directly. i regret that now, immensly.

this daycare was clean, the kids did alot of fun structured activities they loved, and all appearances said "great daycare".

i did some babysitting on the side and told these parants what was going on and they kept thier kid in cuz they didnt want to mess up his routine. I lost all respect for them , quit my job....it was horrible . i was 19. i even tape recoreded the teacher calling TWO YEAR OLDS stupid, for not picking up fast enough.

anyway this is NOT to guilt you, i realise the difficulty and necessity of staying with your provider, esp since you dont want to mess up your kids routine. it just worries me to hear some of the things you guys are saying. some people who work in daycare are really power-trippy. i dont know why. but those are the personalities to look out for, becasue they might be pulling power trips on the kids also. just something to think about.
 

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Stirring leaf,
I have a question for you, because of your experience. My son is in daycare, at a center. I feel really positive about the place. When I drop my son off in the mornings ( he is 14 months old) he reaches his arms out to the main daycare provider and she scoops him into her arms and hugs him. As I leave, I listen, and he doesn't cry or fuss. In the afternoons, when I pick him up, I spy first through the window. All seems well. He even kisses the woman goodbye (big wet one!) All this seems so great to me. My question is this: How did the kids you worked with react when they were dropped off? Were they distressed about being left there? I feel that their demeanor when leaving them is a good indicator of the quality of care that they are receiving. I was hoping you could give some insight, as I know you can never be too careful. Thanks!
 

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well, i think in general thats probably true(that if your babe seems happy, things are good). at the place where i had this bad experience ( i worked at another one later that was just fine) some of the kids would cry, others wouldnt , and most of them were excited to come.

please dont freak out, but sometimes the kids just get used to what goes on there, just like they would get used to abuse going on in thier own home. the woman i worked with had a short temper but she could also be nurturing and kind, and ,ike i said would invent all kinds of fun activites for the kids to do. kids get attached to whoever is taking care of them. the abuse wasnt SO AWEUL that every day was a traumatic experience for ALL the kids, it was more like a few times a week, bad stuff would happen, and some kids displayed thier emotional reaction more than others.

so like i was saying before, trust your insincts. i think there ARE good daycares out there, and very good daycare providers who simply want to take care of kids for a living cuz they like kids. if you start to see any weird stuff that rubs you the wrong way, THATS when i would worry. i dont think you should worry if everything seems fine, and your kid isnt clingy. on the other hand a clingy kid doesnt mean abuse is happeneg either, kids go through all kinds of developmental anxieties that are perfectly normal.

i am not claiming to be better than anyone else at being able to tell from the outside a "bad" daycare....its really hard. just keep your senses and instincts aware i guess, its all we can do as moms...so i hope i am not coming off preachy
 

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As a former dcp for five years this is my perspective...

feeding kids special diets is hard! It takes extra preparation and constant vigalance, imagine taking care of five toddlers all with different food needs. Now of course your dcp should respect and follow your food wishes but keep in mind that you are adding to their work load and please be respectful and appreciative of that fact. A little thank you card and/or occasional shows of appretion for the extra effort may get you a bit more support..

As for the bad back thing... constantly picking up toddlers is hard on the back and like one of the pp mentioned there are other ways of conforting a toddler. As long as you are seeming lots of gentle and otherwise appropriate comforting I wouldn't worry about this one.

As for you dh, is it possible that he is being too chatty? Like of course, they should be friedly and open to communication but your dcp also has to give priority to the children on the floor, she may not simply not have time to engage in a lengthy discussion with your dh.

As for how to proceed...I'd suggest continuing to moniter the situation with occasional spot checks, show up at lunch or at different times of the day, try not to be disruptive or make them feel diffensive, maybe show up with cookies for teachers or a forgotten hat or something to make it look mellow and friendly.

if you continue to feel uncomfortable, then sure, of course you should consider switching but as long as these things stay at the level of annoyances and your little one seems happy and safe I personally would not reccomend switching.

as for a nanny, well IMO I guess with the right nanny it would be great but, like you said you have no way to moniter the situation, and you have no recourse if your nanny suddenly quits or is sick then you are out of luck...
 
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