[readytobedone]

so the header pretty much says it all. DD has been at this place for 4.5 months. overall i've been happy with her care. we had a run-in at the end of june when DCP snuck in a little quasi-sleep training, but i explained that's unacceptable to me and there haven't been issues with that since.

the incident that seems to have precipitated this ultimately was that i wanted DD to ride rear-facing (she doesn't ride in their car right now due to times she's there, but the times were going to change in the fall, so she'd need to ride 2x/week). at first i figured i'd be fine with turning her around; then i saw some videos of crash tests and decided no way...

but there were issues with her putting a rear and forward in the back, i guess, because then her (4 y.o.) daughter would have to always ride in a booster in the front--or so she seemed to think. there is one other kid at daycare other than DD and DCP's daughter. i'd think with one forward and one rear in the back, DCP's daughter could ride in the back unless all 3 are present at once...also the RF could be turned if need be. she didn't seem to understand that my RF is a convertible seat, and that many FF seats are and can face rear. i offered to furnish a seat if necessary. she said the other child's parent had one to loan, so i mentioned wanting to contact that mother about the seat's capabilities and so forth, and the DCP kind of freaked about confidentiality and such, took down my questions and said she'd ask the other mom.

then tonight she called and terminated. tomorrow i get it in writing. i asked her if it was all about the carseat, she said no. she said she felt i was having issues with lots of things with DD's care, like her not napping for long enough. i said yes, the short naps concerned me, but i'd never meant to suggest it was in any way her fault that she doesn't nap for as long there as at home. i'm sure it's not her fault. i never said it was. i did ask her once why she thought she napped shorter there, was it maybe just the excitement or being in a new place? but i don't think that implies blame.

i'm easygoing about food, activities, whether they have outside time or not, physical stuff like her coming home with food in her hair. the only things i've made a stink about are CIO and the carseat.

i feel like this is my fault, and i feel like a failure, and i have no idea why. DD really loves going there and i was looking forward to a stable arrangement throughout the school year. now i am scrambling to find childcare 2 weeks before the semester starts.

i also don't get why, if she was going to terminate, she brought DD a souvenir from her vacation last week. just seems weird to me that if she'd been thinking about this for awhile she'd be buying DD stuff. she was so happy to see her yesterday when we came back for the first time since her vacation.

i just don't understand this at all. i'm baffled by it.

 

[Carita]

sorry mama -

hugs!

 

[Jilian]

I'm sorry mama, that is awful!

I looked at your sig expecting you to have a child 2+ years old and I see that she is just over a year. I don't see why the DCP would make such a big deal out of the car seat issue, she's still a baby and its a safety issue! It may be a blessing in disguise, anyone who doesn't care much for your child's safety and allows your child to CIO when it goes against your beliefs isn't worthy of your child's time. I hope you find a better DCP.

 

[orangekoolaid]

I'm sorry this has happened to you. You must be feeling very confused right now!

i had a question-- you said she's taking short naps. Is she down to 1 nap yet? My DD's name time lengthened considerably when we dropped her to an afternoon nap. (before she did this she would take 2 30 min naps which was really annoying. now she naps 1.5-2hrs.)

I might have been a little easier going on the car seat issue but that's just me. My dd couldn't wait to go FF. you have to do what feels comfortable for you.

 

[PiePie]

Quote:

Originally Posted by readytobedone i'm easygoing about food, activities, whether they have outside time or not, physical stuff like her coming home with food in her hair. the only things i've made a stink about are CIO and the carseat.

first, i am so sorry she screwed you, and i totally feel for you on the childcare scramble. however, if anything i think you are too easygoing. this is your CHILD, and you have the right to demand THE BEST. just my two cents. if she can't take feedback and hear concerns (re naps, which i think everyone agrees are IMPORTANT), then really it won't work out.

 

[Mosaic]

It's unfortunate, though not uncommon, for AP and involved parents to be seen as "high maintenance" or "difficult to deal with" by other caregivers (even family members!) who just care for kids without really thinking or consciously deciding how they want to do it.

Honestly, if she's going to get that bent out of shape over a carseat and sleep training, then she basically just saved you the heartache and trouble of dumping her. That won't make you feel any better right now, because it hurts to be treated that way! But in retrospect I'm sure you'll see this as a turning point toward something much better.

 

[CarrieMF]

Honestly, having done childcare before, I may have would have terminated too. It wouldn't be that you'd done anything wrong & it would have nothing to do with someone being AP/involved or not. She needs things to run as smoothly as possible & having to deal with carseats twice a week can keep that from happening and add more stress.

The carseat thing would be an issue for ME. Turning 1 around depending on how many kids are in the car is a PITA, the seat may not get in properly, if I was running behind it makes me more behind. It sounds easy to think oh it's only twice a week, but it's easy to forget that you need the carseats in tomorrow. It sounds like perhaps her dd's booster won't fit in the back seat with 2 other carseats in there. A 4yo sitting in the front seat, much less in a booster is not okay. I don't know what kind of vehicle the DCP has but not all benches allow for 3 seats to fit.

Asking for another mother's number is NOT okay. You could have asked the DCP for the seat brand & model, or just insisted on bringing your own seat.

She most likely had not been thinking about doing this for a while.

 

[kerc]

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Consider the universe is now opening an opportunity to find someone better.

and on the carseat thing:
why does she need to ride in the car anyhow? I don't get that -- my kids went to daycare at a private home but they didn't go anyplace.

 

[readytobedone]

Quote:

Originally Posted by CarrieMF Honestly, having done childcare before, I may have would have terminated too. It wouldn't be that you'd done anything wrong & it would have nothing to do with someone being AP/involved or not. She needs things to run as smoothly as possible & having to deal with carseats twice a week can keep that from happening and add more stress. The carseat thing would be an issue for ME. Turning 1 around depending on how many kids are in the car is a PITA, the seat may not get in properly, if I was running behind it makes me more behind. It sounds easy to think oh it's only twice a week, but it's easy to forget that you need the carseats in tomorrow. It sounds like perhaps her dd's booster won't fit in the back seat with 2 other carseats in there. A 4yo sitting in the front seat, much less in a booster is not okay. I don't know what kind of vehicle the DCP has but not all benches allow for 3 seats to fit. Asking for another mother's number is NOT okay. You could have asked the DCP for the seat brand & model, or just insisted on bringing your own seat. She most likely had not been thinking about doing this for a while.

her backseat can't fit 3 across period. how is that my fault?

her car is inadequate for the number of children who need to be in it. that is the fundamental problem. i don't see why asking to contact the other mom is an issue. there's only one other family there, and i run into them all the time, and i'm sure it would have been no big deal for DCP to tell her i wanted a phonecall to discuss seats.

sorry, i guess i have the whole wrong mindset for daycare. i really think i do. to me, this is a situation that required brainstorming as a group to come up with the best solution for all. sorry it interfered with her "business." my child, to me, is not just a business.

ETA: i never asked for a phone number for the other mom. i asked whether we might be able to get in touch--was going to suggest DCP give her my number, or ask her if i could have hers. again, this was a very intimate place. only 2 kids there besides DCP's daughter. i never saw it as an extremely formal business arrangement. how could i?

 

[readytobedone]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kerc I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Consider the universe is now opening an opportunity to find someone better. and on the carseat thing: why does she need to ride in the car anyhow? I don't get that -- my kids went to daycare at a private home but they didn't go anyplace.

she has to go pick up her own DD from preschool.

 

[textbookcase]

I'm sorry mama!

 

[nabigus]

This is totally hard, particularly so close to the start of the semester. We had a nanny leave us 3 weeks into the semester because she decided she didn't like living in the city, and I was crushed. BUT (huge huge but) we found someone who has been with us since and who we adore and who really is an extension of the family. Which is to say, I didn't realize what it was to *love* our childcare situation until the person we only *liked* left us in the lurch. I was super stressed at the time, but it worked out so much better, particularly since I had a much, much better idea of what to look for the second time around.

 

[hparsh]

That daycare sounds unreasonably unflexible. I think it's a blessing in disguise that they dropped you. Your expectations were not out of the ordinary or excessive. My daycare usually bends over backwards to try to accommodate me. Good luck and :

s:: to you, mama.

 

[claras_mom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kerc why does she need to ride in the car anyhow? I don't get that -- my kids went to daycare at a private home but they didn't go anyplace.

FWIW, our home-based dcp sometimes takes the kids to storytime at the public library. They all really adore it and miss it when it doesn't happen.

 

[kerc]

Quote:

Originally Posted by readytobedone she has to go pick up her own DD from preschool.

gotcha. (different universe than I'm on...

)

I'm so sorry about this whole thing. I agree it sounds like her car is inadequate. I sure hope you can find something soon.

 

[mrsdocmartin]

Oh my gosh! This is terrible! I am just stunned that she would terminte based on something so ridiculous! You guys should move to Wisconsin. Then we could trade kids when we teach. Stella and Quinn would be great friends and would never CIO! OK, back to reality now. Really though, chin up mama. I know you'll find a great place that would be totally lucky to have your daughter!

 

[readytobedone]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mrsdocmartin Oh my gosh! This is terrible! I am just stunned that she would terminte based on something so ridiculous! You guys should move to Wisconsin. Then we could trade kids when we teach. Stella and Quinn would be great friends and would never CIO! OK, back to reality now. Really though, chin up mama. I know you'll find a great place that would be totally lucky to have your daughter!

i wish we could do a share! OMG, it is soooo hard to find quality care when you don't do everything the mainstream way. it's probably hard enough to find good care when you do, then add on top of it cloth diapering, co-sleeping, caring about nutrition a lot, wanting to extended rear-face and breastfeed, and you become every (okay, nearly every) childcare provider's worst nightmare!!!!

that said, i just enrolled stella in a daycare. the place itself seems good but i'm just not sure if i'm cut out for this anymore. i am feeling so gun shy after the last place. i don't know what to do.

 

[One_Girl]

I am sorry that happened to you and I think that you will be happier with someone who is more in-tune with your views on children. It sounds like she is not willing to put in the work required to accomodate a different parenting style and doesn't need the money to. That is one of the downsides of home daycares. Two big issues in four and a half months and an overall feeling that you aren't happy about the care seems like a good reason to terminate a client if you have the luxury to. It isn't fair to you, but daycare work is stressful and people who do daycare at home sometimes do so because that way they weed out clients who have even little run-ins with them so that their job is as easy as it possibly can be.

 

[Momily]

Quote:

Originally Posted by heather8 It's unfortunate, though not uncommon, for AP and involved parents to be seen as "high maintenance" or "difficult to deal with" by other caregivers (even family members!) who just care for kids without really thinking or consciously deciding how they want to do it. Honestly, if she's going to get that bent out of shape over a carseat and sleep training, then she basically just saved you the heartache and trouble of dumping her. That won't make you feel any better right now, because it hurts to be treated that way! But in retrospect I'm sure you'll see this as a turning point toward something much better.

Wow, as someone who works in Early Childhood Education (not childcare but there's a lot of overlap) to imply that someone who doesn't do things the way you do them doesn't think about how they want to care for kids is incredibly offensive.

OP, I understand that this is frustrating and upsetting to you. Having had childcare fall through suddenly several times when my DS was little, I realize what a heartbreak it could see. Seeing it from the otherside of the fence there's no way that I would put my own 4 year old in the front seat so that another child could rearface past age one and 20 lbs., and frankly if someone suggested it I would be furious. There is a lot more consensus, and has been for a lot longer, that preschoolers in the front seat is an unsafe thing than there is about extended RF. I also have to say that realistically, installing and uninstalling the seats for each trip (the straps would have to be rethreaded since RF calls for straps to be over the shoulders and FF calls for them to be under, of maybe it's vice versa -- I haven't had toddler in a long time) with several little ones underfoot isn't going to happen. Honestly, the risks of someone running into the street while you're doing it is going to be greater than the risk of FF for a trip to preschool.

 

[NoMariposa]

This is one of the many reasons why I prefer a DayCare Center or Day Care/ Preschool environment. The routines are spelled out, the terms are spelled out for all, you either like it or you don't, you either enroll your child or you don't. I've popped into placed unannounced just to check them out, a few I know I'd never leave my kids at.

I see & hear way to many things happening across the street at a private home with a certified provider to say absolutely not happening. I also witnessed myself at another place some 7 years ago with my then 1 child the private care provider yell at him in my presence for his excitedness to be around other children and fear of their huge dog. Sorry, not leaving him in that person's care and she had ads with our church newsletter.

It's seriously hard to find good childcare.