[AllisonK]

DD is five, 6 in December, she has recently become sooooooo hard to deal with. An example: today we went to the Portland Zoo, we bought a pass so that we can go whenever. Well DD knew that we were not going to do the entire zoo today as I cannot do it by myself. It was me DD 4 months, DS 3 years and Dd 5. So we went to see a ton of stuff and it was great. Well then she wanted to go see the butterflies and I told her we would have to do that another day as it was all the way on the other side from where we were. DD was crying (needed a nap and for some reason the sling was not one of her fave things today

) I explained to her that we have a pass and can come back alot. SO she proceeds to tell me how I never listen and that I never let he do what she wants to do and on and on and on......... It is so hard to listen to. The entire car ride home (which should take 1/2 hr took 1 1/2 hrs because of traffic) she whined and complained that she had no fun and does not like going places because she does not get to do anything.

I don't even know what to say to this. She had so much fun while we were there. She does this about everything lately. You can only watch one show and then its you never let me do anything when its time to turn it off. When we go to the park, EVERYWHERE!!! There have been some HUGE changes in her life lately. New baby, just moved away from VERY good friends that we saw daily, now has to share a rm with her brother. But how do I deal with this? I try to listen but it is so hard when she is just acting so ungrateful and spoiled. And now DS is starting to do this because he sees DD do it all the time.
She also had this attitude that drives me nuts. Very stuck up, rude and snotty (I hate to say that about my own child

) Almost like a teenager.
Ideas, suggestions, advice please
Thanks
Allison

 

[KKmama]

I have no suggestions, I just want to give you a

. My 3 are spaced similarly to your 3, and I'm here to ask a question in the same vein.

 

[absinthe]

No advice here, I am in the same boat. My 5yo dd has gone through alot this year as well, two pets died, beloved grandma who spent time w/her daily died, we moved across the country away from her whole world, and she got a baby brother. Lately she has been behaving monstrously and I am often at wits end. You are definately not alone.

 

[AllisonK]

Bump....

 

[oliversmum2000]

i have similarly aged children and my 5yo can really be hard work too

maybe it is being the eldest, that we interact with them differently to the younger ones and give them a lot of responsibility with regard to helping and being the oldest that they feel that they are more one of the adults than the children...

my ds acts like i imagine a teenager would act too, he will be 6 in october

 

[mamajama]

I can relate exactly. I have a 6 yr old who started up this lovely new habit recently as well. I actually finally kinda opened up to him about it in a very, ummm, honest way

. I said, "look, when I take you places like camping etc. it's as much for you as it is for me. In fact, I often choose places to go for you! I would rather have gone to_____ today, but I'm your mother and I care about you so I chose to take you camping. It hurts my feelings when you complain about it when we're done, and honestly, it makes me hesitant to even do things sometimes because I worry about you being unhappy with it even though it's things I know you love. So please a little appreciation and politeness would really help me know whether or not you like doing these things"

We also had a talked about giving him some more decision-making responsibility. I explained that some things were not negotiable. But some things are. And I will ask for his input more. I do that and it really works! For example, at the zoo next time, maybe you could say "OK we have time for one more thing DD, you decide what it'll be" and then show her the map of the zoo and let her choose something close to where you are. Make her feel important and a real part of the team. The more I remember to do that, the smoother things have become with us. He is aware that I am doing that. We talk about it. Now he'll sometimes say "mom, I feel like I need to make some decisions/be a leader". It's pretty wonderful! I respond openly and let him know I'll give him the opportunity to do so and I follow through.
Honestly, since doing that, the miseries have all but vanished.

 

[Mizelenius]

I have gone through this . . .I will do X for my daughter, and then expect her to appreciate what I've done (or at least not complain about what I did not do). However, time and time again I remind myself that I am taking what she said as though an adult said it. In other words, I am assigning false meaning to what she said. I am ignoring the fact that she IS a child and frankly, she is acting like a child. I should expect no less!

You said there have been a lot of changes. I think having a new sibling (esp.) can make children feel a bit cheated, at least initially. It sounds like maybe your DD is taking out this sense of unfairness into every day life . . .she might be upset that she isn't getting as much attention and then is frustrated that "nothing" goes her way. At 5, she can't be like a logical adult and compartmentalize-- at that age, kids generalize. Or, maybe she feels a loss of control of her world, that she has no say-- this will carry over into everything.

So, as for practical advice, here's what I'd suggest. It is what I've been doing lately because we've been going through a rough time. (And it seems to help.)
1- When this happens, do a HALT (Hungry.Angry.Lonely.Tired.) check. You might not be able to fix it this way, but it helps to know where DC is coming from.
2- If the HALT check seems OK (but she's still complaining) ask yourself what SKILL she needs. What can you TEACH your daughter? For example-- how can you teach her to handle disappointment?
3- Skim through (or read, but who has time?) The Five Love Languages of Children . You can then get to the heart of what she needs, what will fill her "emotional cup." (BTW, the review said it's by Christian authors, but honestly, I couldn't tell . . .it won't be "in your face" religion.) I don't agree with everything in the book and wouldn't buy it, but it made me re-evaluate (honestly) how I was doing with things I knew I SHOULD do.

 

[mamajama]

That HALT technique seems like a good one