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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
OK so dd started K last September, immediately became friends with a little girl in the class - inseparable, however, dd has come home quite a few times recently saying that this friend has started being mean and saying not nice things to her. We have tried to explain that she can have more than one friend but she WANTS to be friends with this girl - even although she's hurt and crying about what this other little girl is saying - it's really hard, does anyone have any other suggestions to see if we can help her through this difficult period. DD asks once she's dressed etc if 'she's nice' and I ask if she thinks that she's nice and if she responds yes then say well that's what's important knowing yourself whether you're nice! How does everyone else handle this sort of thing - I'm hoping that we can wing it through this last term at K and then they won't be in the same class next year, also during the holidays we're away for 5 weeks, it may give the break that she needs, I guess I just don't want her to go through next year at school with the same thing KWIM?<br>
Any ideas/help would be most gratefully accepted!
 

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Do you have other little girls over for playdates?<br><br>
My ds needed me to initiate other playdates besides his "best friend". I requested that the boys be split up for grade one and things got much better between the two. Now they are in grade two together and while there are still more fights than I like, ds now has the emotional and verbal tools to better deal with his buddy.<br><br>
I seem to be recommending this book constantly, but I'll put it out here as well!<br>
"Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need To Matter More Than Peers" by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate
 

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My oldest had the same issue, except they'd gone to playschool together for 2 years. The problem didn't start until K.<br><br>
It was always the same thing, Tirza didn't want to do what Danielle wanted her to so Danielle would say either "You're not my friend anymore" or "I'm not going to play with you".<br><br>
we talked alot about how Tirza felt when Danielle said that stuff to her, Tirza's options were(playing with Danielle, or going off and finding someone else to play with) and that she did NOT have to play with her when she started acting like this.<br><br>
Tirza chose to find someone else to play with when Danielle would start this up. Of course that made Danielle do it more, but Tirza stuck to finding someone else to play with.<br><br>
They're in Grade 3 now and Danielle still tries to pull this on Tirza(and some of Tirza's other friends), but now runs off and tattles to other kids in the class to try and get them to do what she wants. When that doesn't work she runs and gets her sister(in Grade 6).<br><br>
It started from Tirza not wanting to play on the equipment or game that Danielle did, to Danielle not wanting Tirza to play with other kids, to Danielle not following the rules of these games they play at recess.<br><br>
As they got older Tirza and I talked about whether Danielle was being a good friend when she would say those things to Tirza and her other friends and how it is a bullying action.<br><br>
We have also talked alot about it makes Tirza feel and how her friends would feel if she said the same or similar things to them. This year Tirza has started to do it a bit. She doesn't say it to Danielle but to another friend. She tells Brittney that Danielle is not her friend and she crossed her off her friend list(that's in her head). So I've talked to her about how it makes her feel when Danielle says it to her, how just because Danielle said it to her first does not make it okay, the bullying aspect and more importantly now that they're getting older the gossiping. I explained to her that just becuase she doesn't tell Danielle, does not mean Danielle won't find out because Brittney may tell her or someone else who tells her. I don't know if that part clicked with her as she's 8, but I felt it was important to have that type of discussion since some of her Grade 3 classmates are 10. Plus she's in a 3/4 split so some of these kids are 10/11 and she's growing up, it's something she's going to have to deal with.
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I seem to be recommending this book constantly, but I'll put it out here as well!<br>
"Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need To Matter More Than Peers" by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate</td>
</tr></table></div>
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thank you to you all for replying - it is helpful being able to talk about this with others who have been through similar. I'll explain our situation a little more, we are a UK/Algerian family living in France, so dd is 'different' because really her first language is English and not french, so therefore sometimes she doesn't even know the words which are being said about her (we don't use these at home etc) and it's not until everyone is laughing at her that she realises it's not nice. I have tried asking others to join us at parks etc, but not many come along and parents are reluctant to leave their children with others here - it's really just not done. Through LLL I am starting to meet other mothers with older kids around dd's age which is helping and we just need to keep working at that and at the end of the day move somewhere where we are all more comfortable etc - maybe I'm putting my issues on to dd - I don't know, feeling rather confused at the moment. Thank you all for the helpful replies and I shall look up the book and see if we can get it into our toddler library - looks a goodie!
 
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