Mothering Forum banner
1 - 12 of 12 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,631 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
DD is 20 months. In the last few months it has become apparent that at times she does not want any of the adults in the house (currently me and DH plus my parents) to talk to each other. Just last night she was in the bath, and DH and I were trying to talk about the whole Barbara Walters breastfeeding thing. She kept whining and wailing so loudly that we couldn't carry on our conversation. I think she definitely wanted me to be paying attention to her and only her.

This isn't a constant problem - if she's engaged in something else you can usually have a conversation on the side. But it happens often enough that I think it's maybe more than coincidence. Have we created this? What do we do about it? Or am I just expecting too much to have an adult conversation in her presence if she's not otherwise occupied?

TIA for any help!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,774 Posts
No advice, just joining the club. This is an ongoing problem in our home. I think in a Toddler's mind there's only "Me" LOL!

It is so bad, DH and I have cut off all conversations with each other until DS is in bed. I'm trying to figure this out.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
472 Posts
I totally understand DD is 3 and if hubbie and I show affection ie hug or kiss hello...she freaks
and if we are talking she wants none of that..we try to tell her we love her and right now we are talking.....but the hugging FORGET IT.....I have no helpful words just understanding....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,486 Posts
My daughter is five and still tries this! However, we do have a very strict rule in our house of no interrupting one another. We have many friends who allow even older children to interrupt whenever they like, I don't think they ever get in an adult conversation. It's certainly frustrating as a friend. It works my daughter's way too - when she's talking with us, someone else (other parent) may not interrupt. It does seem like we started really reinforcing this around age three, so it may be a little early for you. Pretty soon they start to understand the concept of "turns" (i.e. Amelia gets a turn with the toy, and when she's done, it's your turn) and so we started talking about talking "turns." It develops patience, that's for sure. It seems like even now though, you could start using the language of "turns" and etc?

However, my daughter is sorta tricky about it still and when my husband and I are talking in the car, she'll start singing REALLY LOUDLY to the point we can't hear each other. That also counts as interrupting, we told her, and it's not polite.

In the end though, she does a great job with taking turns in discussion, respecting people who are talking (kids or adults), and being patient while my husband and I are talking. I'm sure it's not fun to be the third wheel sometimes, but I'd also like to have a grown-up conversation too...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,758 Posts
I use to say "mommy's ears don't understand that noise" and then put words to what I thought she was feeling.
are you feeling left out ?
do you want to be hugged to ?
do you have something to say about that mean old Barbara Walters ?

I don't know that it 'cured' the problem , but it sure made it easier on us.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,631 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Jen123
do you have something to say about that mean old Barbara Walters ?
:LOL

I bet she would, seeing as how she still loves to nurse.

Thanks for the suggestions so far... we sometimes resort to talking to her, using that tone of voice we usually use with her but not with each other, but we say whatever it was we wanted to say just so we can get our thought out.

"DD, did you know that Mama thinks that it's crazy that it's OK to see breasts in a sexual way, but no one wants to see them perform their biological function?" :LOL

The turn-taking thing is a good idea, too. We could definitely start introducing the concept when playing and it might carry over to conversations.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
649 Posts
DD is 28 months and for about the past 6 months has not liked us having conversations. I don't see hubby in the morning at all, our only time together is really 6-8:30. One of lays down to bed with her and inevitably falls asleep while the other goes to bed too....so we don't even get to chat after she is alseep!

Our daughter would say "stop talking". We finally got her to say "excuse me" and then we give her a turn to talk, but she usually makes up a word or something. She does it constantly during our conversation. At least she isn't screaming, but it's still frustrating!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
267 Posts
Just another me too!

My 25 mo ds sometimes also will throw his toys or make whatever he is playing with crash or get a boo boo which turns the conversation to him.

I like your suggestions Jen123!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,486 Posts
I do think that at this age they really can understand some boundaries, the concept of "in a minute" or patience, and learning some empathy for how others feel. It's completely possible to do it in a nice way, too - like Jen123's ideas. Or saying, "I hear you would like some attention now. I would like to talk to Daddy for five minutes and then I would like to talk to you." or "I hear you feel angry because I'm talking to Daddy, but we are taking turns, and after Daddy's turn, it's your turn." They might wig at that, but we would say, "Oh, I see you feel so angry. That's so sad. But I'm still going to talk to Daddy for five minutes, and then we can talk." Helping to name their feelings, while also teaching them to respect yours?

Or, talking about the situation when you're at the sandbox or some other non-stressful place. I had no idea, until I had my daughter, at how much even young children can absorb. Saying things like, "I notice when Daddy comes home that you pull the books off the bookshelves. Are you feeling angry at Daddy? Are you feeling angry at me for talking to him? How can we work this out?"
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,758 Posts
I actually used that line on my twelve year old the other day.

I asked him to do something and his response was a grunt and slumping in the chair.

I got down on his face and grinned. He KNEW something was up. He began to grin too.

I said "mommy's ears don't hear that. " Then I started in with the baby talk. "is mommy's widdle boy feewing sad that he has to help out awound the house ?"

He grunted again , hugged me and got up to do what I asked him to.

LOL

Or sometimes my seven year old will say "MOOOOOMMMMMMM tell me what I'm feeling. " roflol sad? hungry? bored? ticklish ? feeling like earning extra money washing the car ? lol
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
230 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by peacefulmom
if hubbie and I show affection ie hug or kiss hello...she freaks
I'm SO GLAD that my dd isnt the only one who cant stand seeing parental affection!!
I always wondered what i had inadvertantly done to make her feel threatened by our loving

if i had a dollar for every backrub i was denied.....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,758 Posts
Sorry ladies....I don't know that girls ever outgrow that. I'm 34 and when I see my mom and dad hugging I break in.

My daughters are ten and seven. I *still* don't get uninteruppted physical affection from dh. Every hug they witness , every hand hold , every kiss , they literally come to stand between us. They whine "MY daddy". I say , 'yes he is YOUR daddy. he's MY husband". Then it breaks into a rock/paper/scissors game of who gets to sit next to dh on the couch. I'm afraid my dh has an inflated ego because of it. lol

I hope it's okay I post in the toddler section even tho I don't have toddlers anymore. That age was the most fun. reading your posts brings back fond memories.
 
1 - 12 of 12 Posts
Top