[moma justice]

i am new to gentle dicipline, i was not raised that way, nor was my dh....we now that we want to do it,,,,,but now dd is 10 months old and it is finally time to start thinking about it.
she is sweet wonderful and VERY smart....and she is biting us sooooooooooo hard that she is breaking the skin, leaving bruises, and drawing blood!
i know she is teething, but this is beyond her teeth hurting.....
i have tried feeding her when she does it, i have tried connecting more with her when she does it, i hav eeven (i am ashamed to say) trie dbiting her back a little little bit and saying "that is biting and it hurts!", i hav etried setting her down and turing my back on her for 10 seconds (she is ten months old, so 10 seconds, right?) and then telling her not to bite, i have tried ignoring it and redirecting her, i have tried screaming out in the VERY real pain that i am feeling so that she can see that it hurts and i don't like it.
this is touching deep buttons for us (dh and i) he was emotionally neglected and he wants me to bite her back, i was physically abused and her inflicting physical pain upon me is breaking my heart and getting on my nerves....almost making me a little angry.....not really at her.....ahhhhhhhh
please help, what should i do
what should i not do
any help would be great
thanks

 

[ctdoula]

Okay, deep breath! You're not alone. And this will pass.

If it were me, I would:
Say OUCH in a stern voice when she bit. I would then say "No, we do not bite" or "No biting, that hurts mama, mama has boo boos". I would then put her in a safe place (crib, saucer, pack-n-play, or even on the floor), and I would walk away for a few seconds. This may not be the most AP or GD thing in the universe (I haven't read the books, LOL), but if you're getting violent feelings when it happens, it's better to walk away. I think the most important thing is you're consistent, that EVERY time she bites, the same thing happens & that she realizes she doesn't get your "attention" when she bites.

My dd went through a similar stage with hair pulling. It was TERRIBLE (waking up every day & night with little hands ripping my hair from my scalp).

maybe someone else will have more advice. HUGS

 

[monkey's mom]

Hi and welcome!

Biting sucks--no two ways around it. But, it is such a normal stage in their development. Ten months is still a really little baby. Much too young to understand punitive consequences. At this age I think preventing the biting and redirecting it are the routes to take.

So you're holding Baby and she starts to get that look in her eye or she lunges at you with her mouth open. You can try to position her so she doesn't have access to get a good bite in, and say, "Oh WOW, Baby! Look! There's Daddy! Peekaboo Daddy!" Just try to get her refocused onto something else.

Later, she inevitibly gets a good bite in. I would either say "ouch" and offer a good teething toy or if the yelp gets her more riled up, I might try to to make no response at all and then offer the teething toy: "Here you go Baby! Bite this! Yummm!"

Here is a recent thread about biting and hitting
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=161621

There are probably lots more if you do a quick search--this is a pretty universal stage.

 

[DaryLLL]

First, big hugs and congratulations for wanting to break the pattern of abuse!

Yes, taking a break if you are feeling things from your past well up, is healthy and safer for all concerned.

Of course, biting her back is not the best choice!

Probably two things are going on. 1st, she is teething, Just like with a puppy, biting feels good and relieves pressure. With children this young, providing an altermative biting object is crucial. A teething ring, a cold or frozen wet washcloth, or a soft sip cup with a little water in it are really alt good choices.

The 2nd thing that is going on is her experimenting with cause and effect. Her cause--biting, can healthily lead to this effect:

Watch your baby. Many will get a certain look in the eye when coming in for a bite. (my 2nd dd bit me for months at the breast. She was spirited, teething very hard, and needed a lot of repitition to unlearn this unacceptable behavior) If you watch for the look, you may avoid the bites. If you do get bitten, saying "ouch" and then, "We do not bite people! Biting hurts!" (cry if you need to, do the short time out, etc), then, "Look, bite this:" and offer the alternative object.

Babies understand more language than we give them credit for. This kind of alternative behavior and language will sink in and make an impression, and teach your child compassion (empathy with the feelings of others)by age 2 at the latest.

Finally, she may outgrow this behavior soon anyway, when the worst bout of teething is over. Good luck!

 

[sadie_sabot]

My dd bites, mainly she bites kids in her daycare when she has altercations with them, but she has also gone through stages of biting me while nursing.

I try to be really low key about it when she bites me. "ow, biting hurts, don't bite momma, here's your biting toy." The first time this was happening, i think she got really interested in my dramatic response and it didn't stop until I got real matter of fact and boring about it.

Just remember, she is not trying to hurt you, she is not doing it from any ill will, it can be hard to remember that.

and I agree with darylll on most everythng she said, especially the part about watching and knowing when she's about to bite and heading it off.

Lately i tell dd, "I am not going to let you bite so and so." "I am not going to let you bite me. i expect you to be gentle." I think saying things like that is good for them to hear and also good for us to hear and remember.

 

[KyleAnn]

My ds started his biting right after his first birthday...he would only ever bite me though, never dh or anyone else. He would do it quite hard and leave marks, and everytime we tried the "that hurts mommy..." but he kept it up. I read some posts on it somewhere that mentioned not telling them it hurts you because they don't understand and how it just makes you feel bad and that was truly the case for me-I was taking it personally, even though he didn't realize what he was really doing. It also said that he might be doing it to get a reaction out of me, and this really proved to be the case as well. As soon as I made an effort to not yell out, Ouch! Colin!!!, he seemed to lose a little interest. He is 15mo now and rarely does it anymore, I think it might be the end of that "phase" for now...we hope. Every now and then I can see him coming at me to bite and I will stop him...of course his newest trick involves hitting me on the head with things...this too shall pass, this too shall pass...

It is frustrating, hang in there. And good for you on choosing a path of GD. Good luck!

 

[hunnybumm]

My DS has started this phase as well. :sigh

He has his two bottom teeth at 7 mos. He has bitten me a few times while nurseing, both my nipples are soar atm. He also bites my legs / arms / shoulders whatever he can get his little mouth on. I tried saying "Ouch" or "No" eventhough I know he doesn't understand, but he just laughs at me. I have been told by everyone at my play groups to flick him on the nose if be bites me, but I really want to go to GD path 110%. I am sure the flicking would work... but gosh, that just seems so mean to me. I will keep an eye on this thread and hopefully get more responces.

 

[moma justice]

thnaks ladies!
i feel better with your support
hunny bumm, i did try biting her back (in the begining a couple of times and it did nothing but make us both really upset....and she still bites....)
i think for my dd it is a teething reaction combo......
it does feel goo dfor her to bite my flesh, i am sure....
but she is also very curious abou ther power she gains with me when she evokes my strong reaction.....i mean she really bites the crap out of me...my body looks like an abused woman's becuase of all of the bruises from her biting, and i don't bruise easy.
but anyway,
what seems to be working is the route where i don't give it much attention and then redirect it.
actually first is prevention, she usualy does it whne i am not paying attention to her and she wants my attention (i am way ap and she is on my body almost all the time, but she needs a lot of my attention, and gets bored if i am talking to another person too long etc)
so prevent
then almost i give her almost no reaction and hand her a teething toy into her mouth

it seems to be working best

thanks again
sarah

 

[littleteapot]

My DD is 11 months old and biting like this! She went through a couple of brief stages when it was teething-related, now I think it's mostly play and/or boredom.
I am covered in bites, bruises, scabs and hickeys from this!
Something you have to try to remember is that your baby has no way of knowing how much pressure they're putting in when they bite down, nor are they actually aware it hurts you in the same manner that something hurts them. Until well into toddlerhood, children are egocentric. The world is theirs. They can't see through your eyes, feel your pain, think your thoughts, etc... this whole 'I'm causing pain' idea doesn't make sense, and may later even seem like a joke until they develop empathy.

I notice most that my DD does it for the reaction. If I bite my cheek and just bear through it, she'll often stop. If I KNOW I'm on a short fuse and it'll bother me, I watch her carefully. She does get a 'glint' in her eye when she's about to do something like that.

I pick her up before she does it and immediately get into something else. Like a flying game, or tickle game. She forgets instantly because this is more fun. Redirection, so far, is working really well for us.

I hope this phase passes for you soon!!

 

[sadie_sabot]

My dd goes through phases where she bites while nursing, you know that's no fun! I have come to recognize certain warning signs, she'll stop actively nursing and give me a look, I don't know how to describe it, speculative maybe? So at that point sometimes I'll slip my finger in her mouth and pop her off and relatch, just to distract her. But I've also found that if I start to stroke her head, or lightly scratch her scalp, anything like that, it also distracts her. So, du=istraction with another, different physical sensation seems useful.

Yeah, biting is rough.

 

[Colorful~Mama]

nods. Roman is 11mos and doing some biting. not while nursing... while playing. Its hard cuz in trying to get ourselves away from his mouth we often end up laughing...which makes him think he's being funny... which makes him want to do it more. So he's laughing and trying to bite, we're laughing and trying to get away. and most likely i am the one getting the owies.

so i've got dh, teen and preschooler and i all doing the same thing. Firmly saying 'no biting! only food or toys'. and handing him a cracker or a teether.
repeatedly.
over
and
over
and
over again.

i've not been bitten in 2 days so we're on a roll lol