[birthmommom]

I thought I would post this here b/c you all may understand more.

dd has been making me so crazy, we have recently moved back to my mothers house after being in NC for 4 months. She did absolutly wonderful there, we werent struggling at all. Now she is this horrible monster!

She has been hitting, kicking, screaming, throwing toys, snatching things, having major tantrums. Now dd is spirited, and I am working so hard to be gentle with her. Coming from a not so GD background its hard sometimes, and lately she has been pushing me to the edge. I am at my whits end with her.

I can only think that its b/c of the move, and also b/c i have had her putting herself to sleep at night. I try to stay with her but i get so frustrated b/c she plays adn she sleeps so much better if i leave and come back later.

Its also hard b/c i dont want to scream or yell b/c that just scares her. I dont do timeout b/c it doesnt work, i dont hit her or spank her b/c i dont belive in that, I have been yelling and repeating myself like crazy and its not working.

I dont know waht to do, any ideas? I am going to be going back to work full time soon adn my sister is going to be keeping dd and she needs to know what to do if she isnt listening or hitting or whatever. and i dont know what to tell her. my sister believes in timeout and yelling and so does my mom!

HELP!! its so hard to this as a single mom and i have a really hard time standign up to my mom.

I dont watn to fight with dd anymore

 

[L.J.]

From your sig, I noticed that she's 2.
It is difficult when they do shift. It may be partly because of the move and the changes in her life, it also may be partly because she's growing up and as they do, they tend to push boundaries and find their own way. Also, kids pick up on our emotions and even if you aren't consciously feeling something, you may be projecting some of your anger/frustration/fear or whatever as well.

I know it can be difficult and frustrating. I think it's perfectly okay to remove yourself for moment to collect yourself and find some calm before going back.

It takes patience. I also find that (although it seems impossible at times) when they go through this, what often helps is getting closer and trying to connect even more. Not always easily when you have a beligerant little one in your face, I know, but when & if you can, it sometimes helps. Quite often I've found that when we reach a crisis point, when I step back, I can see other things that are going on, usually it stems from me or something that has me acting a little more "off" than usual too.

I've also found Dr. Sears "Discipline Book" a helpful resource from time to time.

Not sure if I've helped. I hope it gets a bit easier for both of you.

 

[dreadmama]

I know how you feel, this age is difficult for parents. Not only did your move perhaps confuse her as to where home is, and maybe she is worried that if she just lost her home, what is stopping you from leaving her too? Just a thought. So maybe you can reinforce that it may seem scary, but you are always going to be taking care of her.

Also, I have some advice from a Child development perspective (I am a preschool teacher). Your daughter is of the age of discovering her autonomy. She is pushing limits and testing because that is what she developmentally is supposed to be doing. A great way to handle these episodes is by providing plenty of opportunities for her to make decisions and do things for herself. Set it up so that she can choose between 2 choices and make sure that you are happy with either choice. For example, if you need her to go to the changing area to get her diaper changed, you could tell her that it is time to change her diaper. Does she want to walk there by herself or does she want you to carry her? Either way, you are happy because she gets her diaper changed. Also, be consistant with your limits that you set and the consequences of her not listening.

Also, it is important that she feels that she is being heard. Acknowledge how she feels, and put it into words, since she probably doesn't have a huge vocubulary to voice her feelings. Say things like "I see you are unhappy about that right now. I wish I could let you stay up, but it is bedtime, and I can't." (she screams and starts a tantrum, perhaps about to hit you) grab her hand and hold it a second to say "I won't let you hit me, hitting hurts. I know you are upset, but I won't let anyone get hurt." Let her have her tantrum, but keep it safe, and voice what you are seeing. I see you are really upset, and it is ok for you to be upset. Let me know when you are done and if you want me to hold you. Perhaps you'd like some milk (or whatever).

A great book that discusses this type of communication is called 'How to talk to children so that they will listen, and how to listen so they will talk' (or something like that).

I hope that helps.

 

[loveharps]

firstly

I know how hard it can be trying to figure out what to do on your own.

I recently came back to live with my mother after spending a few months living in the South Island. When we got back, my ds became very angry, and would yell and whine and cry alot, he would hit sometimes as well. After a couple of weeks, he seemed to settle down and become himself again. I think he was just very unsettled, after moving from place to place, living with different people etc.
The atmosphere here is different to the way it was living in the SI. I got stressed alot more coming to live with my mother and I think ds sensed that and got stressed as well. Now that I've accustomed myself to living here, he seems to as well.

Are you more stressed/frustrated since you've moved? perhaps your ds has picked up on some of your feelings.

When my ds started to throw a tantrum or got angry, I would make sure I stayed calm and would talked quietly to him to get him to calm down.

sorry I couldn't help more, I thought I'd let you know I've been through what your going through. Give you dd time to get adjusted, and hopefully things will go back to the way they were.