[jillywilson]

My 4yo DD is very proud of herself when she is "not shy". I don't know where she gets this because I don't think I ever discouraged her from being shy. Lately, she is all too comfortable with walking up to strangers and striking up a conversation. Usually the other person has said "Hi" to her first, but not always. It always starts with "I'm Emma. I'm 4 and a half. My sister is Hannah and she's 1 and a half . . . " Then is progresses into either talk about her crew of imaginary friends, offspring and husbands or trying to tell them about exciting things we've done recently. It happens mostly at the park, but also happens in the waiting room of the doctor's office, the airport, the store. She has even told people our address!

My issues with this are primarily the whole "stranger danger" thing. I worry that she is a little too trusting of people. I've just ordered "Protecting the Gift" after reading the molestation thread. I also have seen how some people don't necessarily want to hear her life story, but she'll try to follow them around and get them to listen. I try to politely distract her without scolding her to get her to stop.

I like to think that she gets plenty of attention from me and dh, but dh thinks it is an attention getting thing. She does get a lot of comments about how well she speaks or how pretty she is. It sort of saddens me that she seems so eager for the approval of strangers. Whenever anyone stops to say "Hi" to dd#2 or comment on how cute she is, Emma jumps in front and says "I'm her sister." and starts flipping her hair around. Ugh.

Any thoughts? Suggestions?

Thanks,
Jill
Emma 10/26/99

Hannah 9/23/02

 

[mocha09]

Protecting the Gift is so valuable...you will find a lot of information and suggestions for kids like your daughter. (That confidence she has in talking with strangers is a *good* thing!)

It sounds to me like your daughter is really outgoing and gregarious. I think these are very positive qualities that, especially with the right guidance and nurturing, could take her very far in life.

 

[iris0110]

I just want you to know that your child is not at all abnormal in doing this. It seems like I am a magnet for small children. Whenever I take Ds to the park other little kids will come up to me and start up conversations. things like "I'm four and I can slide down the big slide watch." Or "Hi I'm Amy and I like babies, can I play with your son?" I don't mind, I love children, I provide childcare at my church, and hope to someday have several more kids, but I worry that not everyone these little kids meet will be safe to talk to. Obviously as I help my son up the steps to the slide I don't mind helping another child to, but I worry that the next person the child asks won't be so nice. I have noticed too that parents don't mind when their little ones talk with me, or ask me for help, but when little kids come up to my Dh people give him strange looks. It's sad because my Dh would love to lead a group of kids in a game of tag, and he doesn't mind helping someone up on a slide, but because he is a man everyone assumes he is up to no good. He says he hates to take Ds to the play area in the mall alone, because all of the moms give him dirty looks. I think we just assume women are safer than men, and that isn't always true. I'm sorry that had nothing to do with your origional post, I just wanted to let you know that lots of kids do that, and that I understand your worry. Sometimes I think I have it much easier because Ds is afraid of strangers (unless they are carrying babies.)

 

[Piglet68]

I don't think your child is abnormal.

I do think these qualities are wonderful and will serve her very well throughout her life.

I do think that "stranger danger" has become such an obsession in this country that we risk turning all our kids into fearful, unfriendly, people.

You can educate your daughter on what is appropriate to tell people or not (like your address), but please try to keep her personality intact. It would be a real shame to make her feel that she is wrong to be so outgoing or friendly, or to suppress that part of her character in any way.

 

[L.J.]

Some people are just very outgoing & expressive......it sounds like your daughter is one of those people. If she ever felt danger or scared of someone, she would instinctively move away.

"Protecting the Gift" will be a great read for you, enjoy it!

 

[khrisday]

I agree about reading "Protecting the Gift"
Your child is * much* more at risk of being abducted by someone they already know than a stranger. Let her be her freindly self, and just knwo that at her age what she really needs is supervision.
Read that book

 

[Sasha_girl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by khrisday I agree about reading "Protecting the Gift" Your child is * much* more at risk of being abducted by someone they already know than a stranger. Let her be her freindly self, and just knwo that at her age what she really needs is supervision. Read that book

Yes, yes, yes. I personally believe that to teach only "stranger danger" is to do your daughter a disservice. She is much more at danger, both of being kidnapped or molested, from a friend or family member.

 

[3 little birds]

I agree with the other mamas'. Protecting the Gift will help you to see how your daughter ability to talk to strangers and discern who is safe (by trusting her intuition) is a good protection for her.

 

[mammastar]

I haven't read Protecting the Gift, although I would like to.

At that age, my oldest stepdaughter was very gregarious too. Also sometimes older people will actually ask little kids their name, or even (blech) ask for a hug after a chat - and she would cheerily oblige, which I found disconcerting. She would say they were all her 'friends'. I didn't want to say they weren't, because I don't think that's healthy, so I would agree with her, but remind her that the people we meet are special friends, with whom she can always chat when her dad or I are right there, but that we don't know them well enough for her to chat with them or go with them by herself.