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I have been putting off posting this for a while because living it has been difficult enough without sitting here putting it all in black and white. DD is 21 months old now, and I am so tired of nursing her, I could scream!!! I am 15.5 weeks pregnant, and it has not been an easy pregnancy so far. I have hyperemesis, and it is a triumph that I have been able to regain the 15 pounds that I lost very quickly in the first trimester.<br><br>
DD has been draining me with her nursing, and over the past month, it's gotten worse. If she had her way, she would be on the boob constantly. She is always running up to me lifting my shirt, and she is so demanding and possessive about it. I can't even go pee without her following me to the toilet so that she can nurse. Not only are my brerasts sore and tired, but dd aggravates the situation by squeezing and "milking" me with her near hand and twiddling with the other. If I try to control her hands or give her something to hold, she gets angry and hits. I have such an aversion to it; the sucking is such an annoying nibblenibblenibble, or that awful Maggie Simpson rubber nipple sucking sound. I have tried to replace nursing with other things, but Sippy cups and cuddles won't cut it. Extra snacks don't matter. She won't drink any other kind of milk, and has never had a bottle. Three months ago we successfully (with some heartache) nightweaned her, but now she has totally UN-nightweaned, waking up twice a night screaming for the breast. During the day, she screams and has a fit if I deny her. Over the past few days I have not denied her because she just had eye surgery on Wednesday. But now she is healing and just being plain old demanding dd. I feel as though she runs. my. house.<br><br>
My family doesn't understand why I don't just wean her. JUST? I come from a family and culture that spanks and doesn't breastfeed much, so the idea that I can't "control" my 21 month old is baffling to them. But I really feel I need to place some limits, I just don't know how. I hate berastfeeding so much, I feel as though I want to bottlefeed this new baby from the start. I am really beginning to resent dd--not only because she is controlling and thinks she owns my breasts, but because between her and my hyperemesis (HG) pregnancy, I am not even excited about this baby; I haven't enjoyed one moment of this pregnancy.<br><br>
I am up typing this at 4 in the morning because I am so tired, and the last nursing session has me totally awake. Between DH snoring on one side and DD sucking at me on the other, I feel as though I am sleeping with two monsters. I've left the bed before, but DD just comes for me screaming in the middle of the night when she wants to nurse.<br><br>
I know it has not been easy for her having me sick these past three months (relatives and hired help have been her primary caregivers while DH is working, but the relatives are long gone and the hired help is gone next week)<br>
but the way she has taken over my breasts is too much. I don't know if I'm hoping for advice or just to get this out. Maybe both, I don't know. I am just so tired and so sad<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br><br>
--naismama
 

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i can´t say anything to help you with your girl...sorry. i would just like to say one thing. everytime you can, every moment you can remember, explain what´s happening to your baby. he/she is feeling everything you are. explain what´s going on in the outside world, why you feel sad, tired, happy, etc. i think this is important for the baby and it may help you to connect.<br>
hope everything gets better...
 

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Maybe try nightweaning her? You do need to set limits if it will help you continue to nurse her, which from reading your post I'd say she still really needs to nurse. But she also needs a happy momma, as does the baby inside of you. Big HUGS!!! Those months right before they turn 2 were really hard for me too, and I am not pregnant! (my dd turned 2 in Feb).
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>naismama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7925980"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I hate berastfeeding so much, I feel as though I want to bottlefeed this new baby from the start. I am really beginning to resent dd--not only because she is controlling and thinks she owns my breasts, but because between her and my hyperemesis (HG) pregnancy, I am not even excited about this baby; I haven't enjoyed one moment of this pregnancy.</div>
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<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">s I know I am going to be the odd one out on my opinion here,but here goes. When breastfeeding has gotten to the point you just described above,something obviously,as you know I am sure,needs to change. You are at the point I am at,(minus the pregnancy)with my ds,whos 2.5,and I am in the weaning process now,and it is going smoothly. You have to do what's right for you and your dd(and pregnancy). If you feel like weaning would help,then do it. If you think nightweaning would help,then try it. Do what works best for YOUR daughter,and YOU,not what the books say,or not what someone else thinks you should do. You know what is best in your own situation. I just wanted to send some <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to you. It's a rough age,to say the least,and to be preg on top of it is even harder.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
That age is hard. Really hard. I can't imagine being pregnant at the same time. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
That said- delaying worked well for us at that age- if you're up and busy (hard pregnant sometimes, I know) and she wants to nurse- try- after mama finishes ___ or whatever.<br><br>
good luck!<br><br>
-Angela
 

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Discussion Starter #6
Thanks so far for the replies and lack of judgement. I would love to nightwean or even totally wean her, but I don't know how. One night some weeks ago, I let her cry for it and she screamed for 3 hours in the middle of the night. She is a very strong-willed child. If anyone has any suggestions for weaning such a toddler, I am all ears.<br><br>
--naismama
 

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If weaning isn't easy- she isn't ready. Sorry.<br><br>
Also, weaning won't change her personality, it just takes a tool out of the tool box.<br><br>
-Angela
 

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First thing that comes to mind is Sears - do you have his book on breastfeeding? You might find some help there as far as suggestions for night weaning/weaning gently and for getting your sanity back. It sounds like your dd is feeling the changes in you (pregnancy, the hg) and she's scared or insecure and is using nursing as her constant reassurance - trouble is, it's too draining on you and your health, which in turn means it's affecting her health and the new baby's. I think your instincts about setting limits are right....your dd sounds a lot like mine, as far as being strong-willed. Mine's only 14 months but she is positively addicted to nursing esp. when she's sick like right now, and I literally cannot walk away from her at any time without her screaming, including at night. She's not old enough to night wean in my opinion but I would be dishonest if i didn't admit that a part of me is looking forward to that time. So I totally empathize with you. Just remember that if you wean her or partially wean her, you are doing what's best for the family. I know it will be hard to cope with your dd's resistance, which sounds like it will be intense. But I'm thinking if you keep explaining to her the reasons why she needs to not nurse, and reward her with lots of praise and affection for meeting goals in that area, and be consistent and do it gradually, hopefully it will be okay. Again, look in Sears. I do remember reading some tips for nightweaning and stuff. Maybe if you can get her back to being night weaned, you'll feel just better enough that you can come up with a good plan for weaning her further, and your resentment of her won't keep building.<br>
Hmmm....I'm just throwing out random thoughts here and I don't know if this is at all helpful! Mainly I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain and I'm hoping things get better very soon. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>alegna</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7927917"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">If weaning isn't easy- she isn't ready. Sorry.<br><br>
Also, weaning won't change her personality, it just takes a tool out of the tool box.<br><br>
-Angela</div>
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But do you seriously think the mama should have to go on like this? Weaning won't change her personality,no,but it doesn't seem her personality is the problem here,but the breastfeeding all the time is.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>L&IsMama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7929094"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">But do you seriously think the mama should have to go on like this? Weaning won't change her personality,no,but it doesn't seem her personality is the problem here,but the breastfeeding all the time is.</div>
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It sounds like it's time for some serious nursing manners in this case. No twiddling, pinching, etc. But I don't think weaning is the answer.<br><br>
-Angela
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>alegna</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7929844"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It sounds like it's time for some serious nursing manners in this case. No twiddling, pinching, etc. But I don't think weaning is the answer.<br><br>
-Angela</div>
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I guess it's a good thing the choice is not up to you,or me,but the op. I'm pretty sure she knows what is going to be the best answer for her dd. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I just ordered How Weaning Happens from LLL & am waiting for that to come so maybe after I've read that I'll have some answers as to how you wean a demanding nurser. One of my girls will carry on if I set limits about nursing. But I was able to night wean her at 22-months and have stuck with it since, except for when she's been really sick with a fever or something. It involved crying in arms, rocking, singing, districting, i.e. lets go to the window and look for the moon kinds of things. It took about 4 days, but it was worth it. Daytime weaning seems harder to me because at least at night, they're really tired. Will she accept comfort from your DH? Could he get up with her and walk her around the house until she calms down?<br><br>
I agree with the PP who said she probalby knows something's up & is feeling more clingy and anxious as a result. I am only 4-1/2 weeks PG, but my girls are wanting to nurse more. (OUCH!!!)<br><br>
Would it help to start setting limits about nursing manners? IMO, my girls don't get to do things to my body that I don't like such as milking or twiddling. That might make nursing more tolerable until you decide whether you want to wean her or continue to nurse.<br><br>
I hope things get better soon. Change is always daunting. I also hope you feel better soon.
 

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Discussion Starter #13
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>alegna</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7927917"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">If weaning isn't easy- she isn't ready. Sorry.<br><br>
Also, weaning won't change her personality, it just takes a tool out of the tool box.<br><br>
-Angela</div>
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So weaning should be easy? Categorically?<br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>alegna</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7927917"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">It sounds like it's time for some serious nursing manners in this case. No twiddling, pinching, etc.<br>
-Angela</div>
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I agree. And we are constantly working on this. Unfortunately, even if she nursed beautifully that does not change the fact that I physically cannot support her incessant nursing.<br><br>
F&P'S MAMA- I'll look into the LLL book you mentioned. And we had DH doing all of the nighttime parenting when I was at my lowest with HG. She would scream and fight him, and she wouldn't give up. We are talking hours. But maybe that's what it takes. I think I'll try nightweaning again.<br><br>
L&I'SMAMA- Thanks for the words of support. DD may not be completely ready for the weaning process, but in the end, I think it will be better for her to have a mama with more energy and patience. I'll keep at it.<br><br>
And I welcome more advice!<br><br>
thanks,<br>
naismama
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>naismama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7932227"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">So weaning should be easy? Categorically?<br></div>
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I personally think so. I think that if the child is ready to be finished nursing, then weaning will go smoothly. But I have a child much like yours, I can't imagine trying to wean her if she wasn't ready. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
-Angela
 

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I weaned my 2.5 year old son when I was pregnant and one trick that helped to decrease the number of times a day he nursed was to stay very busy. We had lots of playdates, trips to the playground, hikes, visits to the museums etc...<br><br>
Good Luck!
 

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Hugs mama. I wish I HAD weaned my son during my pg.<br>
Our nursing relationship turned very ugly- very quickly. I resented him for wanting to nurse- ALOT and I turned very angry at him and then at me.<br>
It was too much for me and don't even get me started on tandem nursing....<br><br>
I really respect women who do it - I did it and I would not do it again.<br>
I think it takes time and effort to wean gently and nicely- but feeling this way about your dd is not going to help her either.<br>
Hugs mama.<br>
It will be okay- do what you know is best.<br>
Distraction is key- you want to nurse- lets go play trains- or dollies or whatever.<br>
Keep moving.<br>
At night I would drive ds around so I would not have to nurse him- to get him to sleep.<br>
It was awful. I wanted to hit him or bite him ugh....<br>
Em
 

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Discussion Starter #17
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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Martha_2sons</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7932505"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I weaned my 2.5 year old son when I was pregnant and one trick that helped to decrease the number of times a day he nursed was to stay very busy. We had lots of playdates, trips to the playground, hikes, visits to the museums etc...<br><br>
Good Luck!</div>
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Thanks for that tip!!! DD and I were much more active before I got sick--swim lessons, playdates, shopping, parks. I really hope we can get back to that before the weather gets out of control (I live in the desert)! Lately, we've just been in the house, the four of us (dd, me, and the boobies)<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>naismama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7932639"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thanks for that tip!!! DD and I were much more active before I got sick--swim lessons, playdates, shopping, parks. I really hope we can get back to that before the weather gets out of control (I live in the desert)! Lately, we've just been in the house, the four of us (dd, me, and the boobies)<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"></div>
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Yes,ITA. Keeping active helps ALOT! Today we stayed home all day,and my ds asked to nurse alot more than he normally does when we are doing things and out and about.
 

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I'm sorry you're feeling so fed up with breastfeeding right now! I can onlyimagine how draining that must be! I do think you should be able to set some limits on when she can breastfeed. I see nothing wrong with that, and I would think that you can even explain to her how tired you are and that there are certain times when you will offer her breasts and that is that. It is your body and she can learn to respect that. But you have to be the one to decide when enough is enough.<br>
Not that any of this will be easy, and the storm always gets worse before it calms down!!!<br><br>
I hope you're able to figure something out that works for both of you. 21 months of breastfeeding is, of itself, a wonderful gift to your child.
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>alegna</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7932358"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I personally think so. I think that if the child is ready to be finished nursing, then weaning will go smoothly. But I have a child much like yours, I can't imagine trying to wean her if she wasn't ready. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
-Angela</div>
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Ok, thanks. I think you are coming from a CLW perspective. I do not think CLW is for me or my family.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Emilie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7932620"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hugs mama. I wish I HAD weaned my son during my pg.<br>
Our nursing relationship turned very ugly- very quickly. I resented him for wanting to nurse- ALOT and I turned very angry at him and then at me.<br>
It was too much for me and don't even get me started on tandem nursing....<br><br>
I really respect women who do it - I did it and I would not do it again.<br>
I think it takes time and effort to wean gently and nicely- but feeling this way about your dd is not going to help her either.<br>
Hugs mama.<br>
It will be okay- do what you know is best.<br>
Distraction is key- you want to nurse- lets go play trains- or dollies or whatever.<br>
Keep moving.<br>
At night I would drive ds around so I would not have to nurse him- to get him to sleep.<br>
It was awful. I wanted to hit him or bite him ugh....<br>
Em</div>
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How awful to feel that way about your own child, and I am already there. I feel so ashamed that I want to hit or throw dd off of me (and I have never hit her, not even a tap on the hand). I really do not want to tandem. I think it's great that some mothers do, but I just feel my biology pointing me in another direction. Maybe things will change once I have the baby, but I cannot see myself tandeming and I have no plans to. That's why I would like to wean her sooner rather than later so she doesn't feel that I am pushing her away in favor of the new baby.
 
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