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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
She's at her dad's for the 2nd half of summer, coming home during that time every other weekend.

She keeps sending me really sad e-mails....saying things like

"Mommy, the days just get longer and longer without you. I miss you so much. It's so lonely here. Everyone is gone at work all day."

She's 12 years old and misses her mommy. In the past I didn't know how much she missed me because she didn't have e-mail and was discouraged from calling much.

I don't want any advice because it's not really something I can change at this point. I just want hugs because I'm sad.

-Heatehr
 

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Lots and lots of hugs to you while you go through this difficult time. Hats off to you for allowing her to miss you without inserting yourself excessively into the situation. She's lucky to have a mom that is willing to let her be sad without trying to call three times a day and make it worse. You're allowing her to grow up, and with great dignity.


We've been on the other end of your situation, and if XW had been half as caring as you obviously are, our DSS would have had a much more enjoyable summer four years ago.

She's really lucky to have you for a mom, and just think that you're more than half-way there, and she'll be home very soon! Lots and lots of
 

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Is she really on her own all day? If so, is there some way to talk with your ex and his wife about enrolling her in an activity or something so at least the poor girl has some company?

Also, can she call you when she's sad and lonely?
 

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Originally Posted by mama41 View Post
Is she really on her own all day? If so, is there some way to talk with your ex and his wife about enrolling her in an activity or something so at least the poor girl has some company?

Also, can she call you when she's sad and lonely?

She's on her own with her brothers. She does call occasionally, but it's another county so it's long distance. She's never been treated equally to the other kids there. They rarely spend any money on her
She really hates going unless her step mother is out of town.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by moondiapers View Post
She's on her own with her brothers. She does call occasionally, but it's another county so it's long distance. She's never been treated equally to the other kids there. They rarely spend any money on her
She really hates going unless her step mother is out of town.
Give her a phone card the next time she goes so that she can call as she wishes, but try to have her limit her phone calls unless they are necessary. Tell DH that he needs to spend some time one on one with her (if he will) and give her stepmom a break. Sounds like she has some issues with SM that most likely stem from not getting enough time with dad, and she equates that with SM.

It's easy to feel pitted against the other, but don't allow your DD to do that to you and SM. It makes all three of you more miserable.
 

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Originally Posted by musiclady View Post
Give her a phone card the next time she goes so that she can call as she wishes, but try to have her limit her phone calls unless they are necessary. Tell DH that he needs to spend some time one on one with her (if he will) and give her stepmom a break. Sounds like she has some issues with SM that most likely stem from not getting enough time with dad, and she equates that with SM.

It's easy to feel pitted against the other, but don't allow your DD to do that to you and SM. It makes all three of you more miserable.
I've tried all of those things and flatly been told to mind my own business. She has a trackphone. Last year they wouldn't let her have it, they took ti away. This year they didn't take it at least. But now I can't afford to add minutes.

It's not spending time with Dad, honestly. SM goes out of her way to make it obvious that her kids are more important. Just as one small example, Dani came home crying on Easter. The boys got giant chocolate bunnies...She got ZIP. They get her EVERY Easter, always have. It's the same for every holiday visitation....her boys get huge piles of gifts (electronics, cellphones, games, expensive sneakers etc) and she gets a new outfit or a bubblebath set. She treats Dani's older halfbrother the same way, and he lives there.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by moondiapers View Post
Dani came home crying on Easter. The boys got giant chocolate bunnies...She got ZIP. They get her EVERY Easter, always have. It's the same for every holiday visitation....her boys get huge piles of gifts (electronics, cellphones, games, expensive sneakers etc) and she gets a new outfit or a bubblebath set. She treats Dani's older halfbrother the same way, and he lives there.
DH is a rat. I would have had a hard time not going over there and putting my fist in his face. It's one thing to feel sad because she's gone, and another thing to have her crying when you pick her up. I hope you confronted him immediately! I would have been so mad that her feelings were hurt. I mean, buy the kid a chocolate bunny. They can't be that expensive.

The mind your own business thing I can understand, and have even had to say it before. But not to so obviously treat children differently. That is ridiculous. She should be able to feel like she has TWO homes. Even if one is secretly better than the other, she needs TWO homes. And shame on DH for not insisting that be the case.
:
 

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Discussion Starter · #12 ·
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Originally Posted by musiclady View Post
DH is a rat. I would have had a hard time not going over there and putting my fist in his face. It's one thing to feel sad because she's gone, and another thing to have her crying when you pick her up. I hope you confronted him immediately! I would have been so mad that her feelings were hurt. I mean, buy the kid a chocolate bunny. They can't be that expensive.

The mind your own business thing I can understand, and have even had to say it before. But not to so obviously treat children differently. That is ridiculous. She should be able to feel like she has TWO homes. Even if one is secretly better than the other, she needs TWO homes. And shame on DH for not insisting that be the case.
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It totally kills me. I could go on and on and list many examples. Any time I've spoken up they've just made it worse for Dani. Dani's asked me not to intervene anymore. She just wants to lay low and fly under the radar
She's been begging us to move out of state. She wants to tell the judge, when we go to court to move, why she wants to keep living with me and my current DH
 

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Good luck with court. I have such a hard time believing that an adult could treat a child like that. It's just out of the realm of what is good and right. And even if I absolutely hated my DSS, my husband would NEVER allow me to treat him like that.

And I've got a humdinger of stepkids.

I hope you get what you need from court, and give your DD a super big hug!

Just as an idea- there are calling cards that DH and I used while he was out of the country that are super cheap. We got ours from Sam's or Costco or someplace like that and they were really cheap per minute. It's an idea worth looking into.

 
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