[Ambrose]

Here's the gift:
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/produ...uct_id=4891497

Here's my issue:
I've always told my mother from the moment DH and I found out we were pregnant that we wanted WOODEN toys when it came to big things like kitchen sets and things of that nature. Well, my mom had watched DD for a couple of months awhile back and while DD was over there her auntie (my 3 yr old lil sis) recieved a kitchen set identical to this one in the link above. Apparently DD loved it. I don't doubt it. But back then, DD was only 9 months old. Now she's 2 today. And she has a tendancy to destroy anything that isn't wooden or cloth. (Well, it's debatable if it's JUST her or her and the cat

)

My mother and I don't talk anymore. (Major fallout) I feel like she bought THIS kitchen set because a.) it was dang near the cheapest on the WALMART website and b.) if it's good enough for my sister it ought to be good enough for my daughter. and c.) my mom just flat out has never respected our parenting decisions in any form or fashion.

DH wants to send it/take it back (we got it in the mail) and have them either give us a gift card for the cost of the kitchen OR just credit my mom's credit card as a way to show her "Sorry, don't know how many times we have to tell you.... this stuff is not appropriate for our daughter."

Even though my family and I had a fallout, I'd feel bad returning it. At the same time though... even if we did and opted for the giftcard... wtf do I want from walmart?! (I don't shop there anymore as most everything we've bought from there breaks or wears out too quickly)

SOOOO..

What would you do?
Set out the kitchen set so DD see's it when she wakes up and let her have it?
OR
return it and credit the Credit Card and continue pining at the wooden kitchen sets until she's 3 and buy her one of THOSE then?
OR
return it for a gift card and then just find something to buy at walmart some other time?

DD's gonna be waking up in about 3 hours so I'm really freaking out about this. So far I've got the hand drawn happy birthday sign on the wall above her table and the 3 wrapped presents that are OK. I'm about to go work on the streamers above her door and then because I left the balloons in her room last night that's gonna be our fun activity to do when she gets up (blow them up, have a couple let go before tying and deflate... that kinda thing).

TIA for any help and advice.

 

[cancat]

Except that wooden looks nicer than plastic, I think it's a nice set, and your dd will love it...keep it and if it falls apart, you can let mom know in some way, if it doesn't, then it was worth keeping.

She probably didn't mean it to be an affront, and you don't want to play that game anyway...Trust me!

 

[Penelope]

You know, I'd let her have it. It's a decent brand, and it keeps you from having to mess with the return options, and when/if you find a wooden kitchen that you like (there are some at Target that are nice, imo) you can replace it.

But maybe your mother just had a moment of thinking how much your dd enjoyed the other kitchen, and thought, I'll get her that!

At least it's not a pretend gun, or a play make-up kit, or something else worse than a kitchen.

 

[Boobs]

I would save yourself all that grief and just keep it. Sell it in a yard sale next year and get her the one you want her to have.

I really think this is one of those things that you're just kinda are better off letting go. It doesn't sound like your mom was being malicious in buying the plastic kitchen. If she's like my mom, it was definitely in her head that it would annoy you, but making your dd happy was the real motivation.

If it makes you feel any better, noboby has bought my ds any wooden toys or cloth diapers or anything that I specifically said we were using. He has like 4 wooden toys and I bought them all. Eventhough there is a store here in our very small town that carries Melissa&Doug.

And ftr, I have been pining away for a wooden kitchen since I was pregnant!

 

[SortaCrunchy]

If it was ME, personally, I would just let DD have it. In the really big scheme of things, to ME, it's not that big of a deal. Since you don't have a relationship with your mother right now, it's not as if you could go to her and share your concerns about her gift. It seems that returning it may cause even more harm to any hopes of future reconciliation.

Having said that, if all natural toys are a very, very big deal to you - maybe you should return it. The kitchen set may become a source of bitterness to you and DH, no matter how much DD might like it.

Family relationships are so tricky - you gotta pick your battles. If this is one worth drawing a line in the sand over, return it. If not, I say let DD have it.

 

[MelMel]

return it. or sell it in a garage sale for $1. if you feel strongly about your parenting decisions being respected you need to not bend. and it sounds like you do. it starts with this and doesnt end. your values are your values, who decides whats important enough to honor?
I know this SEEMS trivial but it could be a challenge (and those who think thats petty and juvenile dont have mothers and MIL's like mine, thats for sure

: )

 

[forthebest]

Either return it or keep it, if your dd has fun with it, as she probably will,all the better. She could customise it with stickers and material, nice wee clay pots that she could make and paint herself etc. My parents have never given a thing to my dc, I also love wooden stuff but couldn't afford the ridiculous prices. You can always flog it on or give it to a childcare centre,not well off mom,charity shop later but if dd is gonna get a lot of play out of it to me, thats the important bit not a parents dislike of plastic and I don't like plastic crap either. Think play,fun, happy child.

 

[straighthaircurly]

I think it was a nice gesture from your mom, she was thinking about your daughter and how much she enjoyed it. Get over thinking it was some personal affront to your parenting choices and just graciously accept it as the gift it is meant to be. I also ask for wooden toys (I even make it easy with a website list) but my parents prefer the convenience of going to Target and picking out the loudest, most obnoxious plastic toys. However, I would never dream of returning them. Really, in the bigger scheme of things, does it matter?

 

[Ambrose]

Quote:

Originally Posted by MelMel return it. or sell it in a garage sale for $1. if you feel strongly about your parenting decisions being respected you need to not bend. and it sounds like you do. it starts with this and doesnt end. your values are your values, who decides whats important enough to honor? I know this SEEMS trivial but it could be a challenge (and those who think thats petty and juvenile dont have mothers and MIL's like mine, thats for sure : )

This is almost exactly what DH said!! He told me to either sell it on the TP on MDC, swap it on MDC, or return it to mom's credit card if I wasn't gonna buy anything from walmart.
He said he feels like she's always doing this, that because we have higher standards for our daughters quality of toys she's either:
jealous that we've managed to accomplish some of this, or
she's ticked off and taking it personally that HER standards for her kids (me included) it's just not good enough to us so is thus forcing her standard on us by giving DD the things I've mentioned in passing to OTHER relatives about what it would be nice to eventually get DD

DH also says that it's probably my mother being stuck in her "i've got lots of money" frame of mind when she's really in $30,000 debt (her and step dad were on Dr. Phil about 2 years ago about this) and while she may want to buy the big expensive presents (like the wooden set) she can't afford it so she buys the cheap alternatives (like this plastic kitchen one... or like the cheap $1 fairy wand [that broke 4 days later] she mailed for xmas instead of a wooden one she coulda made from Michael's Crafts for maybe $3 more...)

While I feel very strongly about wanting DD to have QUALITY toys, and while there is likely NEVER going to be a reconciliation between my mother and me I still have this minor twinge of feeling bad, getting rid of it. I don't know why either. I have a feeling though it'll stay in the bedroom today and then if for whatever reason it comes out of the box it'll be later.

Do you think there would be anyone interested in buying it off the TP? I guess the shipping was only $15 UPS Ground....

:

 

[LEAW]

I'd return it too... Target has one like this that is really nice and sturdy, and smaller for those of us w/o tons of space http://www.gummylump.com/files/produ...stel-front.jpg

I know shopping at walmart isn't the greatest place to play, do you have a friend who shops there who would be able/willing to give you cash for the gift card you'll get? Then you could put the $ into an envelope for dd's kitchen later.

OR go to walmart and buy namebrand things that you regularly get at the grocery with the GC and put the $ away for dd.

My MIL would buy the plastic out of spite (oh wait, she does!) even though SIL who is 10 got ONLY wool dipe covers and wooden toys as a baby.

Good luck, and happy birthday to your dd!

 

[rere]

Wallmart sell wooden ones.You could return the one you have and put it twards the price of one of the wooden ones.

 

[CryPixie83]

I'd return it. Obviously your mom isn't respecting your parenting choices. We have very similar rules about toys in our house... I'm forever purging my home of the JUNK people give my dd. It makes me insane. People wll spend stupid amounts of money on lots of little junky things instead of one nice item that will actually be appreciated.

btw, I just got a great deal on a play kitchen on ebay (seller's name is Willow Toys)

 

[~Megan~]

I think that toys are hard for other people to understand. I know that in my dealings with family they think we are just asking for better quality or more expensive things. They don't consider the health impacts of plastic toys.

If you want to repair the relationship with your mother then you should keep it or you should turn it in for a giftcard (you could always buy food, I hear they are stocking some organics now).

If you don't care to repair the relationship then you should have her credited, which they may not do unless you have the credit card, or perhaps send the GC back to her.

I would hope that you would want to maintain a good relationship between your dd and your mom, that is unless your mom is evil.

 

[rere]

Here they are:
http://www.walmart.com/catalog/produ...uct_id=3335014

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/produ...uct_id=4200624

 

[Ambrose]

we left it in the bedroom.

DH says that since he saw one on the target website he'll try to return it for credit there so it can be applied to a target kitchen set. We'd rather nip the problem in the bud before it becomes one with the stuff breaking for falling apart, or her getting attached to it and freaking out when we go to replace it... that kinda thing. Hopefully target won't be so anal since we dont have a gift reciept.... (I know they're anal about everything else)

Well, we'll see. He'll probably get around to it Wednesday since I'm not at work then and he can sneak out with it without DD knowing.

 

[CryPixie83]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rere Here they are: http://www.walmart.com/catalog/produ...uct_id=3335014 http://www.walmart.com/catalog/produ...uct_id=4200624

Yea, but it's still Wal-Mart uke

 

[CryPixie83]

Good luck with Target!

 

[ckberkey]

I would return it and buy toilet paper and soap and stuff NOT made in China. That is what I do EVERY year for birthdays and Christmas. My inlaws are kinda thick headed! Is DD young enough to not notice who does/ doesn't send her gifts... that'll make it easier.

 

[zak]

We got a ton of plastic, battery operated, noisy, flashy toys for our son from my parents too. I returned what I could to Walmart. I sold some stuff to a resale-baby-store and the rest I gave to Goodwill. Any return profit went to his savings account.

I also felt bad returning/getting rid of the gifts... but if they cannot respect our wishes and parenting choices, then I have the right as the Mama to do what I please with toys that we don't approve of.

(((it's hard)))

 

[StephandOwen]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ambrose DH also says that it's probably my mother being stuck in her "i've got lots of money" frame of mind when she's really in $30,000 debt (her and step dad were on Dr. Phil about 2 years ago about this) and while she may want to buy the big expensive presents (like the wooden set) she can't afford it so she buys the cheap alternatives (like this plastic kitchen one... or like the cheap $1 fairy wand [that broke 4 days later] she mailed for xmas instead of a wooden one she coulda made from Michael's Crafts for maybe $3 more...)

I'm sorry but to me this sounds like a Grandma who wants to give her granddaughter something she thinks she'll like, but isn't able to afford the quality you want. She probably thought she was doing a good thing by getting her the kitchen (albeit a cheaper version than what you wanted) but she probably thought your dd would love playing with it.

I don't want to sound like a jerk- but the kitchen you want is like 3 times as much money as the one she got your dd. Maybe she couldn't afford that much but wanted to get your dd something she would get a lot of joy out of (and she obviously would have, since she loved playing with her aunts).

I understand having grandparents who buy crap for your kids. Really- I do! DS's paternal grandma is constantly buying him noisy plastic crap that he doesn't need (even though I've suggested many many other alternatives). I smile politely, accept it, let him play with it for a few days until he loses interest, then box it up. I can't control what gifts people give him, so intead I'll teach him to gratiously accept it and move on.

Good luck with this.