[jmom]

I'm not sure how to handle this and would appreciate some input.

DD went to play a friend's house about a month ago. When I went to pick up DD, Amanda (also kindergarten) was very sad and started crying. Amanda's mom called her a crybaby and said, basically, to just buck up. DD comforted Amanda and said that they'd play together at school in the morning. After a few minutes, Amanda stopped crying but was still obviously upset when we left.

When the mom said, "crybaby", my DD was pretty surprised and looked at me for a clue as she walked over to comfort Amanda. DD could see that my jaw was about on the floor. At dinner that night, we talked about how Amanda must have felt and how much better she felt when DD gave her some loves (our code for hugs and pats and gentle talking). I tried not to criticize the other Mom, just focus on how Amanda was feeling.

That was the end of it until last night when Erin said that Amanda was also called "spoiled" by her mom. I dodged it by talking about having lots of nice things (as Amanda does) doesn't automatically make you spoiled as long as you appreciate and take care of your nice things.

DD is clearly wondering about the other mom's behavior, and I'm stumped on how to address that.

Can anybody out there give me a clue?

 

[stafl]

I don't know if it is the right response or not, but I would tell my DD that calling someone names is not nice, no matter who you are (I probably would have told the mother that, right then and there, but I tend to be really confrontational...). I would talk to her about how much that must hurt her friend's feelings, and use it as an example of why we always use good manners and treat people the way we want people to treat us.

 

[Magella]

If it were me, I would probably discuss with my dd that in our family we don't call people names, etc. because we believe it's important to treat others with respect, that it's wrong for anyone to call anyone else names because it is hurtful. We also would talk about how that might've made the little girl feel, and would ask my child if that experience was frightening or what feelings my child had about it.