dealing with deadbeat dad?

451 Views 7 Replies 5 Participants Last post by taralee, Oct 14, 2003

taralee

Discussion Starter · Oct 14, 2003

hi i am unsure which forum to put this one in. anyway my problem is my daughters father, my ex partner. i am finding it hard, he is such a deadbeat, does not work or pay child support, lives with others like him. he is putting her cat to sleep because he can't have a cat where he lives, so that what we teach our children? he has just cheated on his new wife while on mushrooms. anyway, the list goes on, how do i deal with this. what do i do when it takes my daughter three days to settle in at home after a visit with her dad? tired, tantrums,
i feel overwhelmed by this. she is only three, i haev many years to come with this guy, how do i manage? i find it hard to hide my anger towards him and his behavior. i don't say anything to my daughter about him. i would love some support. tara

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Marlena

· #2 · Oct 14, 2003

You're now in Australia, but soon to be in Iowa? I assume that your ex is in Australia, and will likely remain there? If so, then your problems will be, at least in a manner of speaking, solved. You're not presently getting any child support from him, I take it. Well, you'll continue to get no child support. On the plus side, though, you'll also likely not have to worry about the direct influence he'll have on your daughter's life, as he'll likely have little, if any at all. If he's not working and can't give a toss, how likely is it that he'll front the plane ticket to come see her? How likely is it that you'll be sending her all the way to Australia? Even if there's a court order in effect, it's hardly likely that it would be enforced (particularly since the US is not a signatory to any convention of which I'm aware re international support and access).

If he'll also be moving to the States, then there are a number of legal options you'll have with respect to child support, at least.

You can't make him become a responsible father. You can't change his personality or lifestyle. Perhaps you have (or will one day find) a partner who can provide some of the qualities you wish your ex could model for your daughter.

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taralee

Discussion Starter · #3 · Oct 14, 2003

i have to remain in australia, court is over and i am not allowed to relocate to u.s.a.
australia does not enforce dad's to pay child support like in u.s.a.
true maybe someone else will be better roll model. but how do i deal with day to day crap. the anger and the constant starting over after his weekends. any one else relate? tara

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5796

· #4 · Oct 14, 2003

How about moving to another area of Australia?
Is that possible?

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Turtle Woman

· #5 · Oct 14, 2003

Mama I feel for you. I am in a similar circumstance. My best advice is to take your baby to a counselor who is willing to go to court or write to the court. This helped me so much in court and now my DD's dad has only supervised visitation. If nothing else, your baby will realize at some point who the healthy parent is and will appreciate your love and wisdom. Kids are very smart. Don't be afraid to talk to her without bad mouthing her dad. You can explain what is inappropriate and if he is doing drugs I would go back to court and demand he be drug tested.

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urklemama

· #6 · Oct 14, 2003

Oh ugh, what a mess.

In the States, proof of illegal drug use would make this all be over, period. Is that not true in Australia?

eta: I know it feels like this will go on forever, but it won't. Either he will improve and you will be able to reasonable co-parent, or he will get bad enough for the system to take your complaints seriously.

Also, can you take the cat?

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urklemama

· #7 · Oct 14, 2003

Oh and you asked if anybody can relate - I'm doing laundry right now to wash the cigarette smoke out of my stepsons' clothes because their mother can't be bothered to go outside to smoke on their visits. She let the oldest boy stay up until 3 am last night. I've got a cat story too... it's just horrible being so angry at them all the time, isn't it? Angry, and afraid they're going to hurt the children out of sheer stupidity, and trying to figure out how the court could possibly think this is all a good idea...

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taralee

Discussion Starter · #8 · Oct 14, 2003

court is out of the question as we just spent 40,000 in the last two years in court trying to get me home, only for them to say no. the cat i do not want, can't have here at this rental. plus they are a nusinse to the wildlife where i am, like native birds and possums koalas. plus that would baling him out of his shit again, i am not doing that ever.
i just wonder,... how long before i accept this all and move on, how long before i stop wanting to lecture that dipsh.. it.
does it pass?
oh yes drug test, did that too, he passed! i am wathcing him though.
i just want to know my girl will be ok, she will like me when she is older, even though i am not providing the disney world life for her like dad.
thanks for your support tara

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