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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have to get this off my chest.<br>
Today I went with my mom and sister to visit my aunt, uncle and cousin. Of course I bring DS with me and we all had a pretty nice time. Now I'm the type that is not very social but I still try my best to spend time with family and of course everyone loves DS.<br><br>
I'm easily annoyed as it is, but why do people think its ok to stay in a baby's face all day?! Now DS takes a minute to warm up when he's in a new environment as long as I'm there. (I'd really hate to imagine what it would be like if I wasn't). Even with me holding him if someone he doesn't recognize comes up and gets a little too close, he starts crying. (pretty understandable if you ask me) But this didn't give my aunt and uncle the idea of just giving him a minute to get comfortable. My aunt stayed in his face the whole time we were there. Talking loudly, making different noises, dancing, finger snapping, everything. It was driving me nuts! Then they want to play pass the baby (DS's LEAST favorite game) and of course he cries, but of course I scoop him right back up. I don't know about you guys but the worse sound in the world to me, is my baby crying. I just can't stand it!<br><br>
So this went on the whole time (we were there maybe 4 hours) and I was so ready to leave. Finally we were preparing to leave, I was putting DS's snowsuit on and my uncle came to say goodbye because he was going outside to shovel. Would you believe he leaned down and kissed DS on his CHIN! Now when I kiss DS on the chin my top lip does in fact touch his bottom lip but I can only hope he didn't touch his lip. This absolutely grossed me out so bad, hours later its still bothering me. Why to people think its ok to kiss others babies, expecially on the face?! (I don't kiss others babies at all) To make matters worse, his chin looked moist afterward (thank goodness for baby wipes!). As soon as we got in the car, I wiped his face and as soon as we got home, I washed it. I don't know why but it just grossed me out!<br><br>
So now of course I'm beating myself up and I apologized to DS and I'm pretty sure once I wake up tommorrow, I'll feel better, but tonight I feel like I didn't protect him. I really wasn't expecting him to do that and I'm still in disbelief. I know this may be petty but its still bothering me. My family all mean well, but we don't think the same way when it comes to babies and its so frustrating at times.<br><br>
Am I being silly or would this have bothered you too?
 

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A lot of people have a hard time understanding that babies have boundaries too. Some babies dont need a warm up period, my dd certainly did. That being said, it sounds as if your family meant well and werent trying to upset.<br><br>
Oh, and the kiss doesnt really bother me at all except for the fact that if your babe was throwing up dont come closer signs that were ignored. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">
 

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I'd be bothered. I hate the pass the baby game! And most of the time DS does too. We're lucky that he's very vocal and very clear in what he wants--he reaches and screams--but for awhile it was hit or miss and a lot of relatives saying "I'll get him to stop crying... he NEEDS to learn how to get AWAY from his mama" etc... enter the Magical Baby Carriers. If they can't figure out how to get your LO out, then they can't "have" him... and also he's closer to you so it's more like those people are in YOUR comfort zone if they try to get all over DS. And finally, it can make transitions/warm-up periods easier for him 'cause he'll feel more secure. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
Sorry you had to go thru that, I know, it's ROUGH. I know they all mean well, but like my preacher always says, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions"... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> LOL
 

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Hi, to be honest it probably would have bothered me too but they meant well... You already know that. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="innocent">
 

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The kiss would have bothered me too!! I know how you feel,this sounds like every visit with me IL's. I've just had to become more assertive for the well being of my LO's.
 

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Well, if you are like me and have trouble telling family honestly how you want your LO treated then I would prepare myself with some statements ahead of time. Like this one, Oh she is so crabby right now and she gets overstimulated by being passed around so I'll keep her on my lap during this visit. Or this one, My ped told us not to pass her around right now during cold and flu season and not even to let family kiss her! How about this one, My ped said that some babies need more space than others and not to let EVEN FAMILY MEMBERS get in her face all the time because she gets overstimulated.<br>
Anyway, this is how I do it (maybe I'm a coward or just don't want to deal with them). I blame the ped a lot!! Sometimes family won't be as offended if they think you are following doc's orders<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">.
 

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That's rough. Did you know the book "Where the WIld Things Are" the monsters were modelled after all of Sendak's Aunts and Uncles? It just fits exactly what you mentioned in your post, these people wildly and scarily making a fuss...Hang in there! I guess you could ask them to back off, but it would prob hurt their feelings.
 

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I know that my family loves the pass the baby game, and DS is ok with it once he's had time to get used to seeing new faces, and as long as he gets plenty of time to come back to me. I've made myself rehearse what to say I get all nervous. "He's just hit that stage where it takes him a while to warm up. I'm going to hold onto him until he's gotten used to people." So far, my family has been ok about that.
 

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I totally understand. Everytime I'm at the in-laws, if I don't hand the baby over right away my MIL hovers right in front of us the enire time. She starts making noises at him...the clucking at him really bothers me. He's a person, not a horse! What gets on my nerves the most is when people stick out their tongues at ds. I find it gross!<br><br>
I don't have much advice. A baby carrier helps put a boundry up. I think that people feel it's like clothing and if they mess with the carrier they are in some way undressing you.
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Well I really appreciate your input. I did feel a lot better once I woke up this morning. I really need to invest in a wrap since I've been wanting one forever and so far I've come up with "Not too close...he bites!" lol. I've become such a mama bear and I don't want to hurt feelings (especially since they're not toxic people) but your suggestions are a big help!<br><br>
Thanks ladies!
 
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