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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I have such negative feelings when my 3 year old nurses. It seems to be getting worse, but if I try and put her off she becomes angry and combative. So I end up nursing and I don't know if that is part of the problem. I have this feeling of wanting to throw her off of me. If she puts her hand on my bare breast or stomach, I grab it and squeeze it. I tell myself just to calm down, breathe deeply, focus my mind elsewhere but I still have the crawling out of my skin feeling.

I generally believe this is biological in nature, but I'm sure my own attitudes are playing into it. I have an easier time nursing in the side lying position or if I initiate it. I had the same feelings with my first daughter, and sometimes I would defer her and she would cry, but she usually didn't pit her will against mine. I also did more of the "offer constantly" thing where I tried to reassure her she could nurse at anytime by offering it even when she didn't want it. I haven't done as much of that this time around. I would induce foot cramps to help the negative feelings, and then I got pregnant and nursing hurt and when it was painful, it didn't bother me as much as that other tickling sensation of being exposed or vulnerable or whatever.

So, anyone else have these feelings and have you found good coping mechanisms? Or other suggestions?
 

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I try to limit this by being honest with my son (almost 3 1/2). I keep most nursing sessions short. I find the sensation of being icked out/iritated is worse if I'm feeling generally stressed out and touched out anyway, so I try to be really aware of my own issues around being exhausted. The touching (him touching me) totally icks me out now, so I simply ask him not to. Sometimes that means I hold his hand (I have at times wanted to slap it away...it's almost instinctive to just get it OFF NOW!). I try to be authentic to myself, and if it gets to the point where I'm creepy, toes curling feeling, I try to end the nursing session. I tell him it feels yucky to me right now, we can nurse again later, or I just count down for him.

Keeping sessions short and preventing the creeping fingers have been key for me.

Good luck, I know how bad it feels to feel bad about nursing,and then to feel guilty about feeling bad.
 

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I also have very negative thoughts far too often when my DS (also 3) nurses. I started when I was pregnant with DD (5 months). It hurt so much (physically) and I wanted to keep it short and then me making my baby cry hurt me a lot emotionally.

To me the hardest time is nursing DC to sleep. It has all the elements:
- nursing them both at the same time
- having to be able to nurse until at least one of them has fallen asleep (can't stop when I want to)
- knowing that if I have to stop I end up having two crying babies in my bed
- DS can't help touching me when he is falling asleep (other times he removes his hands when asked to - and he almost always is), so I have to move his hands and keep them still and sometimes he fights me keeping his hands away from my skin

There are some nights when I feel very nice and loving while nursing them to sleep. Then there are the nights when I would really want to throw DS to the wall, run away and never see them again. Sometimes I have had to ask DS to stop nursing and he is so angry and violent towards me and DD (if she continues to nurse) and he makes sure that DD won't be able to fall asleep by kicking, screaming, throwing things etc.

I am sorry for coming to your thread to complain with nothing wise to say. Hopefully someone else will.
 

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Remember that nursing is a relationship between 2 people, and BOTH of those people's feelings matter. If you're feeling resentful or uncomfortable with the nursing, then it's perfectly appropriate to limit nursing in some way- either shorter sessions, or nursing less often, or making sure you're 100% comfortable (comfy position, snack and drink available, whatever works for you) before starting to nurse. A 3 year old doesn't "need to nurse right this minute" the way a newborn does. 3 year olds ARE capable of handling some limits, provided they're not asked to do too much and their needs are still met somehow.
 

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I think alot of us have those feelings sometimes, and that it is a part of the natural weaning process. If it feels icky, then naturally we start to limit it.
The worst for me was whenever I was tandem nursing, I would really sometimes resent the older one. Try to say yes as much as you can, sometimes limiting them will cause them to want it more. Sometimes you can ditract yourself by reading or something, but sometimes your child will really need your mental attention--in fact, I think that is why they nurse more often some days.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks for the responses, everyone.
It comes and goes in intensity depending on the time of the month, and I seem to forget that. It's been better lately, but there are still times when I'm not ready to nurse her for whatever reason, and the girl gets downright PO'd. She just punched me in my arm on Thursday 3 times and it actually hurt the next day. I then am at the point where I don't want to nurse her on principle because I feel like I am telling her that her anger works to get her own way. So then I have to talk her through it, soothe her and eventually nurse in a new place. I was able to limit my first one a little better when I was feeling bad about it. Ugh, I just feel like my relationship with both of my daughters is adversarial and it gets downright depressing some days. But I guess that is another thread.
 
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